I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

I need your help! My husband lived with his brother prior to us marrying. We bought a house and my husband decided that he would like to build an apartment for his brother so that he wouldn’t have to move after we married. He is building the apartment himself and it is taking a lot longer then he anticipated. This means that I am sharing a tiny house with one small bathroom with my husband and his brother. This is making me miserable. We don’t have any privacy and I am the only one that does anything in the house so I am getting extremely resentful. I have tried to explain that he needs to hire help so that this apartment can be finished. He answers by saying that I just like to complain about things and need to relax about the situation. I love being married but I am so unhappy about the living situation. What can I do to help him see that he needs to hire someone to finish this darn apartment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Re: I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

Sorry you have to deal with this

Is your BIL helping build his apartment? Is he paying rent?

I think you, DH and BIL need to sit down and discuss things -
You said you do all the work - will they help or can you hire a maid?
You need more privacy - does BIL go out? work out a schedule so that he leaves the house certain nights for a few hours
Set a time limit on the apartment - if it isn't completed by this date, then DH will agree to hire help.

Good luck!

Re: I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

Ugh!!!!! DH and I lived with a friend for about 6 months after we were married - it was awful!!! I know how you feel and I wish I could give you some advice, but all I can offer is It won't last forever, and it will get better....

Re: I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

You definitely need to address the situation because your resentment will only build if this situation continues.

Husband does not sound like he is respecting your feelings. It is your home too and you are not getting consideration as an equal partner in this matter. I would be upset too if I was a newlywed and sharing a house w/anyone (regardless of who it was). If he wanted to live in a frat house, he should have stayed in college. How can you get any kind of routine or privacy if brother is hanging around all the time? I would have never agreed to the apartment to begin with. It's never a good thing when you move in family. Familiarity breeds contempt. You need to draw some serious lines in the sand and get your husband to see your side. Start blowing off stuff at home - let the filth pile up, find 'activities' that keep you away from the house. They will take advantage of you only if you let them. Maybe it will wake him up if he sees that the situation is changing you and affecting the relationship? You should not be the only one who feels anything and you have nothing to feel guilty about...don't keep your feelings repressed because they are 100% validated.

Re: I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

I think you're right to feel the way you do, given you're newlyweds, but is he doing this because his brother can't afford to be on his own? I'm guessing that even though your DH isn't taking your feelings into consideration, it's probably because he's a very giving guy and doesn't want to hurt his brother. Unfortunately, he doesn't seem to be overly concerned that he's hurting you. I like someone else's idea about giving him a deadline- if the apartment isn't done by a certain time than he needs to hire some help. As far as household chores go, you should sit down with DH and BIL and work out some sort of system where everyone pitches in. Make it very clear to them both that you're not their mother and you're not there to take care of them. You're in a weird situation and for now, you all need to work as a team.

Re: I'm miserable - what do I do about living situation?

You definitely need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband first. He needs to realize that you two are family now and your concerns are his concerns!!! Then once he understands where you are coming from, then the 3 of you can sit down and discuss things.