I need opinions (with poll!)

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Posted by MikeandJess


It's not that she CAN'T afford a new car, it's that she doesn't want one and doesn't see the point of getting one since she hardly uses the car right now. She actually makes more than double what I make and still lives at home. I do understand your point but I think you're all misinterpreting that I'm doing this to some poor person who can't afford a car, or afford to pay me out, but she can. I actually haven't done anything yet, I sent her e-mails and phone messages telling her we need to talk about what we're doing with the car. I'm open to her suggestions but I can't drive around in what we have now, it's not safe and no I can't afford the downpayment for a new car, or a used car but I definitely need something that is safer than what I have now and since the car is half mine I think it's only fair that I should be using half the money of the car I have now, despite whether it was a gift or not, it was a gift to two people.

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I don't think it should matter whether she drives the car frequently or not or how much she makes... she is objecting to being told to spend her money on something whether she likes it or not. Your objective here is to get her to buy you out, so you need to figure out a way to reach her and make this happen. If she needs a week to cool off, give it to her. If you want an objective third party to mediate between you two, find a very logical but neutral friend or family member and hold your own 'mediation.'

I also don't know the law specifically about the court forcing a car buyout. This isn't a divorce or anything -- do you KNOW that the court will find in your favor?

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Posted by EsquireBride

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Posted by MikeandJess


It's not that she CAN'T afford a new car, it's that she doesn't want one and doesn't see the point of getting one since she hardly uses the car right now. She actually makes more than double what I make and still lives at home. I do understand your point but I think you're all misinterpreting that I'm doing this to some poor person who can't afford a car, or afford to pay me out, but she can. I actually haven't done anything yet, I sent her e-mails and phone messages telling her we need to talk about what we're doing with the car. I'm open to her suggestions but I can't drive around in what we have now, it's not safe and no I can't afford the downpayment for a new car, or a used car but I definitely need something that is safer than what I have now and since the car is half mine I think it's only fair that I should be using half the money of the car I have now, despite whether it was a gift or not, it was a gift to two people.

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I don't think it should matter whether she drives the car frequently or not or how much she makes... she is objecting to being told to spend her money on something whether she likes it or not. Your objective here is to get her to buy you out, so you need to figure out a way to reach her and make this happen. If she needs a week to cool off, give it to her. If you want an objective third party to mediate between you two, find a very logical but neutral friend or family member and hold your own 'mediation.'

I also don't know the law specifically about the court forcing a car buyout. This isn't a divorce or anything -- do you KNOW that the court will find in your favor?

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Im just guessing here but wouldnt the judge say its your mothers decision since its legally her car?

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Posted by EsquireBride

I don't think it should matter whether she drives the car frequently or not or how much she makes... she is objecting to being told to spend her money on something whether she likes it or not. Your objective here is to get her to buy you out, so you need to figure out a way to reach her and make this happen. If she needs a week to cool off, give it to her. If you want an objective third party to mediate between you two, find a very logical but neutral friend or family member and hold your own 'mediation.'

I also don't know the law specifically about the court forcing a car buyout. This isn't a divorce or anything -- do you KNOW that the court will find in your favor?

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I don't know the law either and if a court didn't rule in my favor I'd be ok with that and move on. I'd just like to know what the fair solution is. I don't know if I'm 100% right, maybe giving me half or giving her half isn't the solution. But I also know that just letting her have the car isn't 100% right either.

This a hard one... I can totally see both sides..

If the situation was reversed and it was your sister who decided she wanted to get a new car (and you didn't want a new car) would you have been willing to hand over $1750 cash?

I don't know, although it was a very generous gift with good intentions, I kind of feel like it is up to your mother to settle it. I think you mentioned that your mother now considers it your sister's car. I'm a little confused by that, if it was a gift to both of you.

If your sister hardly drives it and has the option of using your mother's car, the best thing is probably for your mother to sell it. Is your mother in a position to loan you the money and when the time comes, she would just get the money back? I don't know, it's definitely a delicate situation. I really feel like it's in your mother's hands.

I hope you find a way to work it out peacefully. Maybe like someone else said, give it a little time for her to think things over...maybe your mother can talk to her on your behalf.

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Posted by kimNanthony

From a legal standpoint the judge would not be able to award you or your sister any money since you do not have a legal interest in the car. If the car is still in your moms name, whether or not she testifies she gave it to you as a gift, you have no legal interest until it is in your name and the judge cannot order anything.

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thanks kim, I didn't know that. Hmm can a car be registered to more than one person?

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by kimNanthony

From a legal standpoint the judge would not be able to award you or your sister any money since you do not have a legal interest in the car. If the car is still in your moms name, whether or not she testifies she gave it to you as a gift, you have no legal interest until it is in your name and the judge cannot order anything.

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thanks kim, I didn't know that. Hmm can a car be registered to more than one person?

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Im not really sure about that. As far as I know one person. I think the legal point is that if you go to Court trying to get the car sold or half the value, you do not have standing to ask for that since you do not have a legal interest in the car. Is your mom really willing to testify against your other sister? If she does it MIGHT have an impact on the judge's decision but unless it is proven that she gifted it to you you don't. Plus there is no evidence of the gift other than possibly her testimony. I am not saying it wouldn't be considered but I think it would be a hard hurdle to overcome.

From a non legal perspective, I don't think you want to get involved in the court system over this. It could impact your relationship more than you think. Try to work it out with her if she doesn't need the car maybe she will let you sell it or something. It sounds like she doesnt really use it anyway. The difficult part is that just because you are ready for a new car doesn't mean she should be forced to sell the old one or buy you out. Since she doesn't use it a lot it doesn't seem like she will have much motivation to do either.

Definitely a difficult situation but I would stay out of court. You don't want your mom to have to testify against your sister or harm your relationship with your sister

Jess my honest opinion is that since it was a gift from your parents and you are deciding to no longer use it, you sister does not really need to give you $.

If your sister moved lets say and said 'I want full time use of the car' yes I think she should compensate her half bc she is in essense forcing you to get your own car.

But since you didnt buy the car in the first place and are chossing on you own to get a new car I dont think she needs to give you and $$ bc you can still use the original car if you want

JMO I hope it works out for you

As someone who had to share a gifted car with my brother for many years, I totally sympathize with you. We never had to deal with selling the car since my brother totaled it and it was donated to one of those nonprofits who take cars.

Since your mom legally owns the car, she has to get involved in the decisions being made. If the car is unsafe and neither of you drive it at all, I don't see why it can't be sold and the money made split evenly between you and your sister. You aren't leaving your sister high and dry without a means of transportation and you will be able to afford a down payment on a new car.

It sounds like it's time for you, your sister, and your mom to hash things out over dinner before any animosity sets in.

Good Luck!

that's a real toughy. Has she had the car on her own for a while, without you? I'm just curious as to what's been going on with the car since you've been married. I can understand her feeling that the car is technically hers if she's been taking care of it on her own for the past 6 months or so. But I also do assume that when you both were driving it, that you both pitched in with everything (including the price of gas, inspections, or other car repairs) and that would definitely make it BOTH of yours.

What makes it tough though is that it was a gift. If you both BOUGHT the car together, then no question - it's gotta be split 50/50. But since it was a gift, I'm thinking that either one of you could be right really. I don't even know who to side with. I just feel like the wisest thing to do would be to sell the car now and you both split the proceeds. I don't understand why she can't compromise with that.


If it were MY situation, I would probably just give my sister the car. But I understand you needing that money for your new car. I mean, about 5 years ago me and my younger sister both bought a very expensive pure bread dog together. We split him 50/50, so he was BOTH of ours (we never considered what would happen when she finished high school and I finished college and we both moved out. lol). Well she went away to do missionary work for about a year, and in that time I did everything for him - got his food, paid his grooming and vets bills, as well as so many others. Even after she got back, I STILL continued to take on the load of whatever it cost to take care of the little dog because it just made sense since I had the full time job and she didn't. After a while, it just became clear that even though he technically belongs to both of us, he was really mine because I was the one taking care of him. So when I got married and moved to Colorado, for a Valentines Day gift my husband had the dog flown out here to be with me. My sister did not mind at all, and she never asked me to give her any kind of money for him (even tho we both paid for him and he belongs to both of us). She never even argued about it. But I HAD told her from the beginning that if she DID want to keep him with her, then we could work that out too. So this was something we easily worked out. I understand a dog is way different than a car. But this whole thing just made me think of my own situation. I feel like ownership has nothing to do with what was spent on it, but who actually works to take CARE of it. Who's the 'real' owner? Usually close friends can see that and work it out. I'm not sure what you're relationship is with your sister, but I would hope that you both would be able to settle things like adults by talking it out and compromising rather than destroying your relationship over a car.

Sorry this was some long rambling. I really do hope it works out. I can certainly see both of your sides. I just don't know what the 'right' thing to do is

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Posted by Gigi08

I don't know, although it was a very generous gift with good intentions, I kind of feel like it is up to your mother to settle it. I think you mentioned that your mother now considers it your sister's car. I'm a little confused by that, if it was a gift to both of you.

If your sister hardly drives it and has the option of using your mother's car, the best thing is probably for your mother to sell it. Is your mother in a position to loan you the money and when the time comes, she would just get the money back? I don't know, it's definitely a delicate situation. I really feel like it's in your mother's hands.

I hope you find a way to work it out peacefully. Maybe like someone else said, give it a little time for her to think things over...maybe your mother can talk to her on your behalf.

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Actually my mother just considers it our car, she just doesn't want to be involved in the whole thing so it's hard because we're basically speaking through my mother since I can't get in touch with my sister.

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Posted by RockysGirl

that's a real toughy. Has she had the car on her own for a while, without you? I'm just curious as to what's been going on with the car since you've been married. I can understand her feeling that the car is technically hers if she's been taking care of it on her own for the past 6 months or so. But I also do assume that when you both were driving it, that you both pitched in with everything (including the price of gas, inspections, or other car repairs) and that would definitely make it BOTH of yours.

What makes it tough though is that it was a gift. If you both BOUGHT the car together, then no question - it's gotta be split 50/50. But since it was a gift, I'm thinking that either one of you could be right really. I don't even know who to side with. I just feel like the wisest thing to do would be to sell the car now and you both split the proceeds. I don't understand why she can't compromise with that.


If it were MY situation, I would probably just give my sister the car. But I understand you needing that money for your new car. I mean, about 5 years ago me and my younger sister both bought a very expensive pure bread dog together. We split him 50/50, so he was BOTH of ours (we never considered what would happen when she finished high school and I finished college and we both moved out. lol). Well she went away to do missionary work for about a year, and in that time I did everything for him - got his food, paid his grooming and vets bills, as well as so many others. Even after she got back, I STILL continued to take on the load of whatever it cost to take care of the little dog because it just made sense since I had the full time job and she didn't. After a while, it just became clear that even though he technically belongs to both of us, he was really mine because I was the one taking care of him. So when I got married and moved to Colorado, for a Valentines Day gift my husband had the dog flown out here to be with me. My sister did not mind at all, and she never asked me to give her any kind of money for him (even tho we both paid for him and he belongs to both of us). She never even argued about it. But I HAD told her from the beginning that if she DID want to keep him with her, then we could work that out too. So this was something we easily worked out. I understand a dog is way different than a car. But this whole thing just made me think of my own situation. I feel like ownership has nothing to do with what was spent on it, but who actually works to take CARE of it. Who's the 'real' owner? Usually close friends can see that and work it out. I'm not sure what you're relationship is with your sister, but I would hope that you both would be able to settle things like adults by talking it out and compromising rather than destroying your relationship over a car.

Sorry this was some long rambling. I really do hope it works out. I can certainly see both of your sides. I just don't know what the 'right' thing to do is

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I watch a lot of judge judy / people's court and they always seem to rule in favor of the person's name that is on the dog's ownership papers. I kind of see your comparison but it's a little different because there is monetary value with my car instead of the sentimental value involved with your dog. If it was a dog we shared I would do the same thing as you and your sister.

This is bound to happen again if she goes through the deal with you...Say if you get the new car, and down the road you want a new one, your going to go through this all over again. If it was me, I would give my sister the old car and buy a car for my own.

My car was worth 3,000 and I traded it in and they only took off several hundred dollars. Yea its still money, but its not worth ruining a family relationship...

Can I just ask, how do you share the car? Does she live near you? I think I would go nuts if I had to share the car with my sister lol


Best of Luck!

Other:
I believe you are right but maybe she doesn't have the money to give you half or can't make payment for a new one if you trade it in. Perhaps you can work something out where she pays you back later, but then I dont' know your financial situation.. do you need that for the down payment.

if like u said- your sister makes more money than you, lives at home, and has access to your parents car, and you pretty much always had the car anyways- then i agree with u...she is just being cheap and should give u half

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Posted by Autumn08

Other:
I believe you are right but maybe she doesn't have the money to give you half or can't make payment for a new one if you trade it in. Perhaps you can work something out where she pays you back later, but then I dont' know your financial situation.. do you need that for the down payment.

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that IS a good point! Even though it could make sense for her to just give you half the worth of the car or to sell with you and get a new one - maybe she really just can't afford it. And it's REALLY bad to be without a car!! That's a very good idea to see if you can work out paying in installments. That's what i did with my car in NY. I couldn't drive it all the way back to Colorado with me, and my friend desperately needed a car but couldn't afford anything she looked at. I wish I could have just GIVEN it to her, but I really needed that money to buy myself a new car in Colorado. She couldn't afford much, so I gave her a VERY GOOD price and then agreed to let her pay me in installments. That helped her SO much, and it was no biggie to me. Just as long as i got at least most of it by the time I was ready to buy a new one (and I did). I know that made her feel so much better (less pressured to pay everything up front when she doesn't have it) and it made ME feel better (since i could help her out AND get the money I desperately needed).

So I dunno - maybe you could talk about working something like that out.

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Posted by RockysGirl

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Posted by Autumn08

Other:
I believe you are right but maybe she doesn't have the money to give you half or can't make payment for a new one if you trade it in. Perhaps you can work something out where she pays you back later, but then I dont' know your financial situation.. do you need that for the down payment.

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that IS a good point! Even though it could make sense for her to just give you half the worth of the car or to sell with you and get a new one - maybe she really just can't afford it. And it's REALLY bad to be without a car!! That's a very good idea to see if you can work out paying in installments. That's what i did with my car in NY. I couldn't drive it all the way back to Colorado with me, and my friend desperately needed a car but couldn't afford anything she looked at. I wish I could have just GIVEN it to her, but I really needed that money to buy myself a new car in Colorado. She couldn't afford much, so I gave her a VERY GOOD price and then agreed to let her pay me in installments. That helped her SO much, and it was no biggie to me. Just as long as i got at least most of it by the time I was ready to buy a new one (and I did). I know that made her feel so much better (less pressured to pay everything up front when she doesn't have it) and it made ME feel better (since i could help her out AND get the money I desperately needed).

So I dunno - maybe you could talk about working something like that out.

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I've read everyone's posts and it doesn't seem to be a money issue as far as her sister not being able to afford payments or to buy out Jess. Jess said that her sister makes double what she does and she still lives at home, and she (Jess) really needs the money from the car for her down payment on a new car...that;s why this is such an issue....I don't know what the solution is but I do think it's time for you (jess) and your sister to talk. Obviously she is very upset over this (she won't return your calls or even communicate with you!) so there is something else going on that she isn't telling you...both of you definitely feel very differently about this and need to talk about some sort of compromise here....
GL and please let us know what happens!!

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Posted by MikeandJess

I'm sorry, I should have mentioned that it was gifted to both of us from my parents

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That def. makes a difference. This is a sticky situation tho. If it were me, I would just let her have the car. ONLY if i could really afford a car for myself without worrying about it financially. If its an old car how much is it really worth? However, looking at it from your point of you I think she should buy you out. You are def. right about her using ituntil shes ready to sell. By that point it may be worthless