I sent this email - UPDATEd at bottom again!!

OK - so on friday after I read all your posts I called my best friend (who is a mutual friend of mine and this BM) and told her the story.

She said in her opinion (and knowing the BM) that I absolutely did the right thing. This BM is from out of town, did not participate in the bridal shower, b-party, or anything else (which we all did for her when she got married).

Yes, she spent money coming to the wedding - but again her wedding was in San Diego - which we all flew out to - and still gave her a gift, threw her a b-party and shower etc....

The other thing is - we went to Hawaii for our honeymoon - so at the wedding the BM said to me - oh we are going to be in Maui that week too - maybe we can meet up.

OK - this is where it gets good.....


So friday my Best friend comes over - we decide to go out - right before we go out I listen to my messages (She was there) I get this message:

Hi J and M this is JF - Sf's husband (SF is the bm) I called to talk to you about a couple of things so when either of you get in can you please call me.

HE IS CALLING TO ASK US FOR MONEY!!! Can you believe the balls??? He wants us to give him money to invest....RIGHT! I am so sure that is going to happen. And by the way - if you have to clarify who you are - you shouldnt be asking me for money - you dont know me well enough.

THEN sat. SF calls me to say basically that she isn't giving us a gift - and PS - She's pregnant.

SO - now things are all weird. I am sure all of our friends are going to want to buy her gifts and throw her a shower - etc....but I have to admit I feel really uncomfortable about that....

any thoughts??


ETA: Updated at bottom

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

This may sound harsh, but she doesn't sound like a 'friend' to me.

do not participate in her baby shower and don't send a gift...

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

What did she say about not giving a gift? How did she phrase that? I can't believe it! I wouldn't do too much for her bridal shower.

I have a BM that didn't give a gift. But, she isn't very 'up' on etiquette or anything and is pretty cheap. She never is big on gifts for any occasion. She didn't come to my bridal shower (she lives far away) but designed my shower invitations and made them all (she is an artist) and for my shower gift she gave me the original painting framed. Knowing the time she spent doing that meant a lot to me so while others commented that it didn't cost much, I wasn't upset. For the wedding she didn't even give a card which was hurtful. But she paid for a hotel for three nights, drove over 10 hours to come, paid for the dress, hair, etc. so I can't say I'm surprised. I decided to just let it pass with her b/c thats how she is and right or wrong I'm not going to change her. My husband says when she gets married we'll just do the same, but knowing me I won't be able to do that.

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

She basically said - I sent you a card, it obviously got lost in the mail, Luckily there was no check in it.

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

Wow! She is unbelievable!

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

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Posted by Jmg11

She basically said - I sent you a card, it obviously got lost in the mail, Luckily there was no check in it.

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oyu have to laugh at that almost....i mean, i could never imagine saygin such a thing, let alone thinking it!

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

Maybe I'm way off base but this is what I think:

Your 'friend' and her husband overextended themselves with spending money and bills over the course of time and that is why she didn't give you a gift. And that the phone call about investing money - I wouldn't give them a dime because I bet they will either skim off the money made on the investments or just take the money and run.

Anyone that calls you to ask you to invest - I think they want to scam the person.

JMO

I think you should tell her congratulations on the pregnancy and then let the friendship go. They obviously have the money - if they went to Maui and all - so they could have given you a gift.

The rudeness of some people just astounds me.

Sorry she did this to you.

Re: I sent this email - UPDATE!

OMG - you guys, I am furious today. After JF called me for money - I spoke to SF and told her that (at the time) I was leaving my job (which I am not now but he doesnt know that) and so money will be tight for us so we can't help him.

Do you believe he had the balls to call again yesterday - he left a message for my husband!! So, I am not sure how it works in his home, but in our home we make all decisions together. It was such a slap in the face for him to go past me to ask for mIcha who he has never said a word to, but I guess he thinks it's micha's money so I am not involved in the decision.

What an ***.... and on top of it - he also called my friend shirley who made it very clear last time she wasn't interested. She called me this morning so upset...we both feel like it is affected our friendship with SF.

Sorry I just had to vent - I'm pissed at JF, but even more so at SF for not stopping him and risking our friendship. And now, I feel like I am in an uncomfortable position - I have to call him (or email him...is email bad?) and I feel like I need to be a little harsh with him for him to get the hint!!

Re: I sent this email - UPDATEd at bottom again!!

can you send an email to both him and his wife? Maybe also CC in your other friend?

I'm sorry, but at this point, I would even write, 'You came to our wedding and did not even give us a card and you have the NERVE to repeatedly ask us for money? Your behavior is outrageous. Please do not call ANY of us to look for money.'

Re: I sent this email - UPDATEd at bottom again!!

Thats terrible, just write an email to both of them saying you are not in a position to invest & hopefully that will be the end of it. I don't know where people find the nerve to ask for things like this. I would never be able to!