Sometimes he just has these biting remarks and is really unfair. I know it's only January, but I said we should see if we can book for a 3 or 4 night vacation in November for our 1-year wedding anniversary because it's cheaper the earlier you book it. Is that insane? Well, he's like, oh we'll never have money for a house then, you always want to go away. And I said that I get restless and like to travel sometimes. And he was like 'you didn't start to go away until you met me.' Yeah because I was 20 when I met him and didn't have money to go away before him. 20 is when I started having a job where I got a yearly salary.
Then I told him he has some nerve when we could stay somewhere like the Bahamas for 3 or 4 nights for less than $500. I did see some decent inns. Because guess what, at the bar the other day, I found out he put $500 on a box for the Super Bowl. So he can tell me we shouldn't be wasting our money because we need a house (which we're not even close to having the money of) when he put $500 on a stupid box where it's a small chance he'll win the money.
Would you be pissed if you were me, or do you think I'm asking too much that I want to go away for our 1-year anniversary?
violet
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
And yeah, I'm so mad at him today I'm just going to sleep on the couch. Because when I argue, he dismisses me and is like 'whatever' and gets mad that I'm bringing up valid points against him. And comments like 'you didn't go away anywhere until you met me' really bothers me. It's so Fing condescending.
mrswask
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I completely understand why you're angry - a first anniversary is a special occassion for all of us. I don't even really understand the comment that your husband made 'you didn't want to go away until you met me' - I'd be like - yeah - you should be happy I want to see the world with you!!!
violet
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
He said it because I never went away really on vacations before him because I was younger then and had a $150 a week salary, so I really didn't have the money to go anyhwere. So when I said, I like to travel, I hate being in the same place for so long, he was pointing out that he's the reason I got to go away so much, and that I didn't before him. He's such a d*ck. Sorry I'm really mad.
I should just go away with my friends instead of him this summer.
mrswask
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
Is this how he has been with everything lately - or is he especially pissy tonight?
swags1016
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I can understand why you feel like that, but I have to tell you if I was 2 months out of my wedding and said to my DH that I wanted to book our 1st anniversary trip now or even start looking he would tell me that it is too soon coming off the wedding, even though I can COMPLETELY understand your feelings. (I didn't get to go away for my first anniversary we just closed on a house a month before so that was not an option, if it makes you feel any better) But your DH is WAY out of line. He deserves a beating over the head $500 freaking dollars on a super bowl box is he freaking kidding! The going away is one thing but his thinking that he can spend your (meaning couple not YOUr) money however he sees fit and not discuss that with you is OUT of line!!
Also if he is dismissing you as you say when you argue that is not right and shows a HUGE lack of respect on his part!! Truly does.
The first year can be hard and take time to adjust so maybe when you both have cooler heads you can sit down and discuss what the true problems are, not just the anniversary trip or the $500 but what it really means.
beachgirl13
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I think sometimes men can't think that far in advance! I know that sounds silly, but he may be thinking, why is she planning this already?
violet
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
He gets pissy when I argue with him. He's not a rational arguer. He gets a real attitude.
I actually found out about the $500 the other night because they were talking about the Super Bowl pool, and I asked the bar owner how much is it? And he was like '1000.' And I was like 'what, he got a box for that much money?' He split it with his friend. And ding, ding, ding, he was planning to keep it a secret if he didn't ever tell me about it. I'm sorry, it just doesn't seem worth it to me because the chances are so low. So that's why it pisses me off when he says there's no money to go anywhere for a 1-year anniversary when he just threw away $500.
I'm so sad, I'm just going to go to sleep on the couch. I don't want to sleep by him tonight.
sassy2611
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I think if he didn't tell you about the box that he bought for $500 then why should you tell him if you book a trip for $500. Like I was told years ago ' What's good for goose is good for the gander' If he can do it so can you...
MegLehner
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I can relate. DH does not really like to travel. I do. I wanted to go to FL to see my mom over spring break (this is my last semester at law school and my last spring break!) and DH wanted me to stay home b/c he says when ever I get a break I am always going somewhere - but why should I stay home he has to work anyway) & he want to Save $. I finally talked him in to going w/ me for a long weekend, but I had to agree to curb my spending over the next few months. Trust me - you 2 arent the only ones to argue over $. I would say the only thing DH and I have argued about since getting married is $ (mostly my spending habits). Try working out a budget w/ him - if you think you can do the trip for $500 - show him how you can save 50 bucks a month for the trip and then see if he is more into it then.
nov04LIbride
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I hear ya about the Super Bowl boxes My DH plays poker frequently with his friends, and has a Super Bowl box...I am concerned about saving $ for a house, which I am now afraid we will NEVER afford...$ issues have definitely caused the most arguments between us...Good luck! And hopefully he will win the Super Bowl box and take you away!
JimmysBride
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I totally have to take your side on this. Your DH is being a complete hypocrite by saying that the two of you can't afford to go away when he goes and blows the same amount of money on a bet (that money is as good as blown, you do realize?)!
His comment about you never wanting to go away until you met him is SO irrelevant and you should dismiss it the way he dismisses you because it really has nothing to do with anything in this argument if you ask me.
And somebody said right, sometimes guys just can't think that far ahead. I know that if I brought up going away for our 1 yr anniversary to DH right now, he'd probably get a little bugged out too. But there's nothing to stop me from saving up alot/most of the money on my own and springing it on him later.
Now... this sleeping on the couch thing... I don't like that. You guys are only married 2 months -- don't start that already please!! You should really try to not go to bed angry with each other. That doesn't mean the issue gets resolved immediately. But you can agree to disagree for now, and that you will re-evaluate the issue later (in a few days, weeks). And if anything -- HE'S the one that should be sleeping on the couch for basically throwing $500 in the garbage (omg -- I can't get over that -- I would be livid!!)
violet
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
Nov04, my husband plays poker too! I don't know how much they bet. Luckily, he doesn't play that every week.
It's my decision to sleep on the couch when it happens. He gets pissed I do that, but when I'm mad, I'm mad. I know I shouldn't do that. At least my yellow lab stayed in the living room with me. Our french mastiff went to bed with him, but she always wants to sleep on the bed.
I know it's weird to think this far in advance with booking, but when you wait only a few months before, flights get booked, and the price gets so much more expensive, so I was only thinking so far in advance to save us money. I even said we didn't have to go to Mohegan Sun in March then too. I found us a place that's only $80 a night, and we're only going for two nights, but I know the casino can be expensive.
nov04LIbride
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
Posted by violet
Nov04, my husband plays poker too! I don't know how much they bet. Luckily, he doesn't play that every week.
It's my decision to sleep on the couch when it happens. He gets pissed I do that, but when I'm mad, I'm mad.
My DH was playing poker every week. I felt like a poker widow, and very alone! I didn't get married to spend Friday nights home alone watching Hope and Faith! I finally said once a month for the poker or else I am sleeping at my mom's every time you go. Why should I spend the night alone and not even have anyone to talk to? He's all like call your friends to hang out....Welllll most of my friends are married or dating and SEE THEIR HUSBANDS OR BOYFRIENDS ON THE WEEKEND! So, anyway, he's down to once a month. We'll see how that goes. Oh, and then there is online poker. Don't get me started...
nferrandi
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I can totally relate! My DH is telling me that we're not going to be able to afford a vacation this year and as far as I'm concerned, that's BS! I told him before we got married (and given the fact we've been together for 9 years he was already aware) that I don't care about new cars, or fancy clothes or getting my nails done, all I care about is going on at least 1 vacation a year. That's what's important to me. I would be livid if I found out that DH put $500 on a Superbowl box and tried to keep it from me. I think you should definitely cancel the casino trip and plan an anniversary trip. And just FYI, you can either get a good deal if you do it in advance, or even if you wait until the last minute. Take a peek on travelzoo.com to get an idea of what I'm talking about.
Moehick
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
You have every right to be mad! Hope you are not on the couch anymore though!
violet
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No I slept on the bed last night. He was kidding that I could sleep on the couch again because he had so much room to sleep in the bed because it was him and our mastiff in the bed with him. Usually it's us and 2 dogs, and it's very cramped.
He said maybe we can go away, we'll just wait and see for now. I did check travelzoo.com. They had some pretty good deals.
JENHOS
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
$500 for 3-4 nights in the Bahama with airfare? Where did you find that deal. Sounds like a good one to me. I have to say I think it is a little early to be thinking about it. But the is JMO.
As for not telling you about the superbowl box that I find shady. You need to be open about your finances.
Kriss2c
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I agree with you. Your Dh is being very irrational. But I find with anyone, not just with marital arguments that the moment one party feels they are losing ground in an argument, they will counter with a personal attack, even if it is unfounded.
That's a big pet peeve of mine.
palebride
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Re: I'm Really Pissed Off with Husband
I don't find so much fault with the basis of the argument...but what troubles me is the fact that you feel he dismisses you and is condescending towards you when you argue. That's not right - you need to have mutual respect for each other and he doesn't seem to be showing that to you. He also needs to be truthful to you about finances.....and spending $500 without your knowledge is a big deal to me!!!
I think you need to sit down and explain how you feel to him, becuase he may not realize how he comes across to you. I know sometimes Tom says things to me and he doesn't realize how I take them and it hurts me....without him knowing it. So I've been really careful to let him know when he does that, so that he doesn't hurt me unintentionally....
