In-Law Question

Lisa Rose Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:28 PM

In-Law Question

I read alot of posts from different woman that they do not get along with their MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL. The questions I have is what does your husband think/do about it? Do they try and make excuses for their family? or agree with you? Do they confront the offending party or just blow it off?

I get along with my in-laws although they do some strange things that really **** me off sometimes but all-in-all they are pretty good people.

The reason I asked is because if I ever have a problem with my in-laws my husband will either make an excuse about them or will confront my BIL's about the problem. (I say BIL's because they are usually the ones that I would have a problem with!)

Lisa

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:41 PM

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My ILs are not bad people so I have never had any major problems. But when we do run into the inevitable annoyance, disagreement - my husband definitely makes excuses for them.

ChristineC68 Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:42 PM

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With us, if it actually gets to my ears, my DH would usually confront his father or step mother. Sadly he doesnt get along well with them at all.

Anyone else (his brother or sister), we usually let it go as it's more of an isolated incident rather then a trend.

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:48 PM

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I have a great MIL & FIL. My SIL (my brother's wife) caused us a lot of headaches when we were planning our wedding. To keep the family peace,we let it go that time even though SHE was totally out of line. We will just keep it in the back of our minds.
My husband was totally on my side. I feel that we are the better people for not saying anything although I wanted to rip her head off!

Suzanne Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:49 PM

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EXCUSES EXCUSES EXCUSES!!!! thats all i ever hear..

I used to get along with his mom, but lately i have been noticing shes VERY two faced and mean! And for christmas she bought us dogopoly for the both of us!! WTF?? Frank doesnt even play board games!!! its the thought that counts and this gift had no thought!! frank says oh my mom doesnt have much money!! well it turns out she spent a small fortune on his sister his brother and HIS GIRLFRIEND!! i am so mad!! I absolutlyREFUSE to go over there for right now!! she doesnt know i am mad however i am just not in the mood!! Everytime she hosts a holiday she tells everyone there is a FEE!!!! and charges like a coouple hundred dollars EACH family!! so i have decieded to save money and not go!!!!!! Frank is forever making excuses for thier STRANGE behavior it makes me mad that he does that but i guess what else is he really going to do, he would NEVER say anything, that is just not the type of person he is, he HATES conflict!

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:52 PM

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My MIL and FIL are wonderful its the SILs that are horrible. They are the ones hubby makes excuses for, that is ok tho' as long as we respect each other that is all I care about. Some of his sisters could be my mother, so its not like I was expecting to be buddies with them, I just expected a warmer reception from them....guess not, I guess I was expecting too much.

anna Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:52 PM

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LMAO Suzanne, a FEE ??!!?????
You might as well go see a show and dinner ! LOLL.
Thats too funny !

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:56 PM

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Suzanne, a fee to have family join you for the holidays. Be real...she would not be seeing me at all. WTH???

Niecey Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:58 PM

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This is the major thing we fight over! It is very sad and very horrible. During my wedding planning and post-wedding, DH's family (not all members) have done things that really hurt me. I try to turn the other cheek, chalk it up to jealousy or thought of losing a son and forgive but how many times can things happen before you react/withdraw/feel bad?

DH always is on his family's side no matter if he thinks they are wrong. It is soo sickening. What happens is he tries to play peacemaker and tells me what I want to hear and tells them what they want to hear and it always backfires and makes things worse. I tell him, if I am wrong tell me and when they are wrong just admit. We are not all always right. He has a hard time realizing that him and I are now a family as well. IT doesn't mean leaving an old family behind but it requires a little work to start a new family and I should get the same respect he gives them. I think it is easier for him to have me mad at him then for them to be mad at him. They can make things difficult for him. It is sad because they do not realize what stress they are putting on our marriage. It is a really tuff situation. I am jealous of all those that have such a open relationship with their in-laws! Oooh boy is this a topic I can keep writing about..but I am too afraid they are spying on me so I will stop now!

Niecey Posted: Jan 23, 2003 01:59 PM

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suzanne- a fee??? that is unreal!

Suzanne Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:00 PM

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ANNA!! i am not kidding, for christmas she had her daughter give her money for xmas eve and son gave her 300.00 for christmas day, and all she made was lasanga for 8 people, WTF??? I told my DH that if he gives her money im going to kill him!! last year i did christmas at my house and had it catered and i didnt charge ANYONE (who does that!)and it costed me 500.00!!! his mom is from another planet i think!!

boosh78201 Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:02 PM

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My inlaws are getting better. DH will defend them to a certain degree but it was nothing that was out of control.

Suzanne Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:03 PM

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and she actually says fee too!!

For thanksgiving my SIL was in the hospital and had just given birth to the baby by Csection and was under so many drugs, thats when my lunatic MIL came to the hospital to ask for money from her, she took 150.00 from her, then said to me and frank there will be a fee for thanksgiving this year!! QUICKLY i responded we will be at my mothers this year!!! but i really wanted to strangle her with my SIL iv cord!!!

februarybride Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:04 PM

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Overall I get along well with my IL's. My DH usually agrees with me if I make a comment about his family.
On the otherhand, I get very upset when my DH complains about my family. Sometimes I agree other times I make up excuses.

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:07 PM

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Niecey we are here ---->

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:07 PM

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Suzanne, your MIL wins the prize for the worse acts...you should have strangled her....I did not mean that, but what timing

LaurenS Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:10 PM

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suzanne, that is the most rediculous thing I have ever heard. Your MIL is probably making a fortune off of these holidays!!

michele31 Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:12 PM

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I really like my in-laws. Well my FIL is not around much and that is fine by me, but my MIL is a wonderful, loving women. I am very different from DH's family but they accept me and I think like me.
Something that drives me nuts is that they do not acknowledge special occasions, other than Christmas. I just know that Scott will barely get a phone call on his b-day and that drives me nuts since my family celelbrates everything. I also get upset when they do not call to thank us for a gift that we send the kids. I believe in saying thank you when someone sends a gift. But those are minor compared to some of the problems you guys have.
I will say I truly believe a husband must his marriage a priority and if someone in his family is putting his marriage at risk, he needs to stand up to them and tell them that they need to butt out.

LisaT Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:13 PM

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suzanne - my sisters ex-boyfriend's family was like that. His mom would charge them for holiday dinners.

(one of the reasons they broke up was cause he's so cheap )

As for my ILs, Al used to make excuses but now he sees them differently through my eyes. Especially when he sees the difference between my family and his. I don't have any problems with his parents or siblings, but little things come up every once in a while that drive me crazy. He's gotten much better at being supportive and at realizing their mistakes.