In-Law Question

Original post by Lisa Rose

Jan 23, 2003 01:28 PM

I read alot of posts from different woman that they do not get along with their MIL/FIL/SIL/BIL. The questions I have is what does your husband think/do about it? Do they try and make excuses for their family? or agree with you? Do they confront the offending party or just blow it off?

I get along with my in-laws although they do some strange things that really **** me off sometimes but all-in-all they are pretty good people.

The reason I asked is because if I ever have a problem with my in-laws my husband will either make an excuse about them or will confront my BIL's about the problem. (I say BIL's because they are usually the ones that I would have a problem with!)

Lisa

Suzanne Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:15 PM

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They are all weird in their own ways!! i cant stand hanging around any of them any more!!!

Not only does she charge but franks sister bought ALL of her gifts to her kids from her for her!! and his brother did the same thing!!! So she totaly is making out like a bandit!! she has to make sure she has enough money for Beer and Cigarettes!!

Frank i think feels bad that they are all crazy so he doesnt really say anything , except what do you want me to do???? and then he feels sad i think cause they are freakin crazy!! and then i wind up feeling bad, so basically i just vent to my cousin or my BF..

LisaT Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:16 PM

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Michele - my family goes crazy over holidays, birthdays, etc. His family? not so much. I can totally relate to that point.

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:18 PM

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Suzanne, I hate to see hubby's face when I make a comment so I share it with you all of my girls. He did not choose his family, I can't beat him up for it, so sometimes I just let it die.

natasha Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:30 PM

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I get along with MIL and FIL. When MIL tries to overstep, I put a stop to it. For instance, they wanted to have a big party for DH 30th birthday. We didn't really want one. Then she was trying to tell me that she and her daughter could plan the plan party if I didn't want to. I had to let her know that I am his wife, and if anyone is planning a party for him, it would be me. WE decided to have a barbecue, and I planned the menue. Come to find out his sister was upset that I didn't ask her to cook. There is a reason for that -- she can't cook for me. But of course, she didn't see it that way. She offered to make shish kebab. I said okay because you can't really mess that up, but I guess whe wanted to cater the entire event.

natasha Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:32 PM

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I just realise I didn't answer the question. He make excuses for their bad and insensitive behavior.

Shamee Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:43 PM

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This is the biggest problem within my marriage - the fact that Bob (up until recently) never acknowledged their obnoxious behavior and (continues for his mother) to make excuses. At one point, I thought I was going schitzo because I felt like I was being constantly attacked. The paranoia, resentment and anxiety attacks (I used to have panic attacks prior to getting together with them) started to take their toll on me emotionally, physically and mentally. Then I started to hear from individuals outside of the family that dear old mommy and her snot faced clone DIL were talking a heap of b.s. behind my back. Even still when these people would tell Bob what they heard, what they were told, etc., he believed them, sided with them, made excuses for them and hopped on the bandwagon that I was Satan incarnate. Only recently, when he caught them both in an outright, vicious lie/rumour they attempted to spread (I was having an affair with DIL's BIL - her sister's husband) did he wake up to some degree. Unfortunately, he still lives in the world where Mommy can do no wrong. I wonder if he'll ever wake up.

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 02:57 PM

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Shamee, one day soon. Evil cannot reign forever.

Shamee Posted: Jan 23, 2003 03:34 PM

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I wish I could share in your optimism, however I really feel that I will be plagued with this woman and her interfering presence in our lives until the day she dies.

On a side note (just to show you how manipulative she is), Bob is furious with his brother/SIL for spreading the cheating rumour about me, so he hasn't spoken to them in over four months. Because he cut them off, his brother/SIL refuse to let Bob see his nephews at all. MIL has tried to manipulate Bob into making up with his brother on many occasions, but he hasn't given in. MIL was watching the nephews recently and asked Bob to stop over to brother's house to pick something up. She said that they knew he'd be stopping by and they were okay with it. He stops over, visits with his nephew and then hears from his father days later that brother/sil never knew he was going over there and are ****ed that MIL manipulated the situation so that Bob could visit with his nephews (undermine their authority, in their own home!). I don't agree with using the kids for revenge on any level, but I think it's their rights as parents to pick and choose who they see. Especially since my dopey husband agreed to go into their house while they were not there and visit with their children. That's a little over the top for me!

NuBride Posted: Jan 23, 2003 04:00 PM

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My husband used to make excuses for his family and sometimes still does, he has gotten better with seeing the 'whole picture' when you 'step-out' of a situation you see it clearer.

As far as anyone defending their crazy family members, just remember this is what they were raised into and they don't know any different until they see it on their own....eventually

shamma Posted: Jan 23, 2003 04:17 PM

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You can pick your nose, you can pick your friends but you can't pick your ILs or your family. I guess we are stuck with them until they mend their ways and see how lovely we all are and how if we work together what a wonderful place this world could be.

dkga1026 Posted: Jan 23, 2003 04:23 PM

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My MIL is a gem -stays out of our hair, very polite, etc..

Thankfully DH loves his family, but does not need to have them in his life all the time. I am the same way. For the most part, I try to keep my problems with MIL between me and her, because I don't think it's fair of me to make him choose sides. But there have been times when I just had to say something because I need to hear him support me - it makes a world of difference. He always takes my side, but I can tell that he likes to keep the peace and isn't about to confront anyone unless it is something really big.

jms0176 Posted: Jan 23, 2003 04:31 PM

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I get along fine with my MIL, she just has a habit of butting into people's business. She's getting better with me now that she sees I can handle these things on my own.

I don't get along with BIL. He lives upstairs from us and just has so many habits that make me crazy! We both just tolerate him. Sometimes DH tells me I should be nicer to him, but he understands since BIL has been this way forever.

MSCJLK Posted: Jan 24, 2003 10:33 AM

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I get along really well with my IL's …and With my SIL , but my BIL oh he is a piece of work.. He is one of those people who thnks that he is the only person in the room. He is loud , Rude , Obnoxious, and should be ashamed of the way he treats his parents. He is rude to Mitch and he knows That i can not stand him.
the first year we were going out and my mom did a holiday.. he was playing with a crystal glass and broke it!!! and did not even say he was sorry to my mom...oh she can not stand him...
The scary thing is that this wacko has a live in girlfriend who is he going to get engaged to very soon. He is really mean to his sister , There is nothing wrong with her and he constanly finds something wrong wiht her...Ohhh he makes me so mad....
My Other BIL ( my sister's husband) Is an ok guy.. As a father is the greatest dad.. But he is slefish and oh is he Lazy…It makes my mother nuts.. But he comes from a good family and he is good to my sisiter

yabbobay Posted: Jan 24, 2003 09:03 PM

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I can't stand BIL's wife...neither can MIL or DH...they would love it if DH's brother divorced her (that happened once before)

so I guess since no one likes her...it doesn't cause too many problems...we just deal with her for the kids...

Karen H Posted: Jan 25, 2003 11:41 AM

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Hubby is on my side - even during the planning he said if there were problems then tell him and he'd handle it because he didn't want anyone getting mad at me. Gotta love him for that! He puts our relationship first.

RichsBride Posted: Jan 25, 2003 04:41 PM

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Oh G-d, these are some stories!!!!
My SIL(the only IL that lives on Long Island)does not make any effort to be a part of our lives.
This saddens me because I have no siblings & always hoped that I'd gain a brother or sister someday. My husband makes NO excuses for her-as there are none!
I'm going to limit this post to that because it's come to my attention that my hubby's ex-wife comes here to read what I have to say!!!

Lisa Rose Posted: Jan 25, 2003 07:19 PM

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Kelly...you have lots of 'sisters' on here!!

RichsBride Posted: Jan 25, 2003 08:16 PM

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Thanks Lisa Rose!!!!

Stacey1403 Posted: Jan 25, 2003 08:28 PM

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OMG Suzanne!!!! I can't believe your MIL!!!

My IL's are wonderful, the only problem we had was my SIL who started a big fight with DH a week before the wedding. She was saying all these nasty things about me, none of which were true. Steve went balistic and was screaming at her your not talking about my future wife like that!!! Now that I am pregnant she loves me calls everyday to see how I am etc. Who knew