Inlaw vent

DH and I had a little arugement yesterday about his mom. I have not seen her since Superbowl Sunday. I don't even talk to her. I see my FIL more often because his workers are doing work at my house (he is in construction)

The background to this is: I really don't know my inlaws that well. I rarely see them. While we were dating, I never saw them. She is not the friendliest person in the world. She is very phony. When we are in front of her friends or family she is all so sweet to me but when we are not in front of an audience she is not the most chatty person in the world.

DH thinks I should call her and chat with her and I asked him about what should we talk about. We have no common interests, I can't discuss decorating my house with her because we have opposite tastes. What is there to chat about?

Thanks for letting me vent.

Re: Inlaw vent

I'm sorry & I know it's really hard but since DH is asking, I would try giving her a call every week or every other week or so.

It doesn't have to be meaningful conversation - just a couple of minutes of chit chat.

You may find something in common - a popular movie or tv program, a vacation destination, recipes, or just have you heard a good joke lately?

Re: Inlaw vent

I know I should, but it kills me to talk to her. She is such a know it all...like my opinions and ideas are worthless. She walked around my house and was like, oh, its nice. (She likes dark cherry wood and I like honey oak and pine colors) And then she is like oh, why don't you look for that cabinet out at the Bombay store in the outlets. I don't shop there, the stuff there is not my taste, its hers! Nothing I say or do seems to meet up to her standards.

Re: Inlaw vent

My mother had the same problems she sucked it up for my dad.

What about pretending to ask for advice about something really insignificant??

I'm lucky I don't have to deal with the in-laws since DH doesn't or else I would probably be posting the same thing.

Good luck

Re: Inlaw vent

Don't get me started

I feel for you. It's a hard place to be in where you don't feel a connection or have some outstanding issues with MIL/FIL, etc. I don't have any word of wisdom to share because I can't even manage in my own situation but I would explain to DH that the phone works both ways and if she really felt a strong desire to establish/maintain a relationship with you, she would put herself out there too. If you don't feel confortable with her in general, I would not try to fake the warm and fuzzies with her to please him because you won't be doing anyone any favors. I know of alot of Inlaw relationships that are just polite and cordial and I think if you have at least that, you're in a far better position than some of us are

Good luck!!!!

Re: Inlaw vent

Why do you have to talk to her on the phone? My DH does not talk to my Dad. I talk to my MIL when she calls, but to be honest, I don't call her out of the blue just to chat or ask her questions. I love her, but we just don't have that kind of relationship. I think you should just do what makes you comfortable.

Re: Inlaw vent

I did tell DH that the phone works both ways. I am nice to her when I see her and try to chit chat with her and that's as far as it goes. Glad to see I am not the only one with MIL issues.

Re: Inlaw vent

MIL, FIL, BIL......It's tough fitting in to a family that has a strong difference of opinions or is very closed minded

Re: Inlaw vent

Yes it is...thanks for listening ladies

Re: Inlaw vent

Coming from a woman who had MAJOR MIL issues, especially for the first 2 years of my marriage, I'll tell you, it can cause you and hubby unnecessary arguments and fights. However, sometimes it's unavoidable. Things got so bad at one point that dh had to call a family meeting and pretty much confront his family infront of me! One thing I must say, it's not YOUR job to get MIL acquainted with you and comfortable with you, it's up to your in-laws to welcome you and make you feel at home. Don't get me wrong, it's important that you are cordial and respectful and talk to them, but if your MIL is putting down the iron glove and not being nice, she obviously is the one with the problem and that's something your hubby has to fix.

I've learned that when it comes to dealing with family, I deal with my family and dh deals with his! If someone is acting up in his family HE must deal with it, and vice versa. IT works out well for us now. Like you, I don't really talk to MIL very much, however, since the family meeting, I've been noticing she's trying harder to open up to me. HOwever, i see them MAYBE 7 times per year, if that much! I SO it works for me! Now when we get together, I don't have anymore tension and we try to enjoy the brief moments we have instead of dealing with silliness! Thank God!

Re: Inlaw vent

Just as I was reading TrayLu's advise, DH called me at work to say that I have to meet his Dad up at Home Depot to show me a rug for the new room in my house and my MIL will be with him. I am trying to keep an open mind but I know she is just going to be there to see what I pick and give me her comments....I am so not looking forward to this

Re: Inlaw vent

2003fallwedding - just smile and nod make the best of it!!

i dont call my ILs, if they call I talk to them, but I dont call just to chat.

Re: Inlaw vent

I hear what you are saying but it seems as though you DH is reaching out to you. You don't have to be best friends with her but calling her maybe once every two weeks cannot be too bad. One thing is for sure, IL's will be around for as long as you are married. The advice I received from my dear friend is that you never bad mouth DH's mother...it will lead to arguments and resentment. JMO. Good Luck to you!

Re: Inlaw vent

Wow it's so rough when you have a MIL that doesn't make things easy for you. I thank god I have nice in-laws....But I agree with the ladies here and try giving her a call because at least that way you can say that you made an effort to reach out to her if she still doesn't warm up to you.

Whenever any of my in law does something that makes me uncomfortable I always tell my husband and he will confront them about it. Unless it really upsets then I will just open my mouth. Of course it doesn't mean that he fights my battles for me but when he confronts them I talk as well, I don't just sit there with my mouth shut. Sometimes confrontation does help. One time my MIL gave me the biggest guilt trip over something so silly and stupid but it got me so upset that it made me cry(i'm very sensitive) so my DH called his mom and told her what was the big deal and that it wasn't necessary to make me cry. She apologized to me and said that she never meant for me to cry and I can tell she was sincere because she's always great to me.

But the best you can is try. If she doesn't want to warm up to you then it's her problem, not yours.