Is this rude?

My mother just got an invite to a wedding. The person is the daughter of someone who's related to my father. We don't have all the details... date, time, location of ceremony, reception, directions, etc.. because we didn't get an invite. The parents knows our address as we sent them our move announcement with our new address, phone number, e-mail etc. We live together only 5 months before we got married but they know our address. The parents of this daughter was invited to our wedding and attended, but not the daughter. I hate when getting an invite when we're married but it's all address to my parents. Getting married already separates you from your parents as you've establish a family with you and your DH, thus we should get our own separate invite. We didn't get one. I think it's like a cultural thing that you're married and the invite gets addressed to your parents and you and your DH along with your single sibling(s) are on this one invite. However, my question is... Is it rude in Chinese culture to show up at a wedding uninvited? I'm following American culture as I live in America although my heritage is Chinese American my DH is half Asian. Personally, I never show up to any event unannounced and/or uninvited as it's just so downright rude. I'm old fashioned as I want a paper invite as verbal or e-mail invitation doesn't cut it. Wherever weddings I've attended in the past I usually carry the invite in with me on the day of the wedding if we ever get lost or the maitre di' or host ask if we have an invite. Thus, I have physical proof that I was invited otherwise I'd be embarrassed, insulted dressed in my best and would be asked to leave.

That happened to my parents years ago... they were newlyweds of one year (going back to Hong Kong in the 1970s) and was invited to a wedding of my father's friend. My father only knew the groom at that wedding and didn't bring the invite but my mother insisted to bring it but my father refuse (very stubborn man set in his own ways). They were dressed in their best shown up with a monetary gift and was almost denied entrance but was insulted and embarrassed by the host or maitre di' at the door. 'Do you have an invitation? Do you know either the bride or groom? No? Then leave!' My mother was ****ed, embarrassed, and insulted. My father wanted to speak to the groom as that was the only person whom he knew and the groom was nowhere to be found at the moment. Eventually the groom was found and allowed them entrance to the reception from the maitre di' or host, but my mother was insulted and embarrassed she refuse to attend. They gave them the monetary gift and went home.

I do not want this to happen to us. Prehaps I'm too Americanized, but I never show up unwanted, invited. I know where I'm unwanted and denied to an event but DH wonders if it's consider rude in Chinese culture to show up uninvited? Also if we're uninvited we refuse to send any gifts or cards to the couple. Why should we when we're not invited? My mother has this thing with 'respect your elders' especially in Chinese culture. How can my DH and myself respect them when they do not invite us to their daughter's wedding? Why should we attend when we're uninvited? Respect is a two way street. Any thoughts?

hi .. im just a little confused on your story .. did the invitation your parents got INCLUDE you and your DH or did it not?? if it did NOT have your names on it i wouldnt suggest attending, but if it DID have your names on it then my advice would be to go.
then again, i know nothing about chinese culture, so maybe you shouldnt go by me!
(either way, doesnt seem like something to get too upset over - perhaps it was just an oversight or something)

Was the invite addressed to your parents & family ? Did it include you ? If it did, then I would say they did mean to invite you and if you RSVP then there will be a spot for you. You wont be showing up un-announced.

If you really would like to go, go. If you dont want to go, dont. It really depends on how you feel.
Dont get hung up on the invite going to your parents.

Let us know what you decide !

If it is a cultural difference- such as Chinese tradition vs. American then I would not be insulted. But I will say that my MIL told me that I ONLY needed to send her sister's invites and they would TELL their children! I said, 'No. Each adult will get their own invite' and that is what I did.
If my name was not on the invite or it didn't say
The Smilth Family
Mr. & Mrs. Smith and Family

then I would NOT attend the wedding.

I agree. If the invite did not include an 'and family', I would assume that I was not invited and thus would not attend. If I read your post right, you invited the parents of the couple getting married to your wedding and they invited your parents to hers. This sounds reciprocal to me and reasonable that only your parents would be invited.

I would not show up or feel obligated to send a gift (unless, of course, I felt that I wanted to send a gift to this couple out of frienship, etc.).