Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
PeteysBride
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Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
With all the announcemensts I started thinking about this (and CONGRATS to all those ladies!) because lately it seems since Spring/Summer are the season of new babies, EVERYONE I know seems to be asking 'So when are YOU guys having one???'
Now we have been asked this question before and depending on who it is we have 3 standard responses that we recylce:
1. Whenever you're ready to move in and be a full-time Nanny.
2. -looking at ourwatches then shrieking- 'Honey we almost missed THE time. I'm fertile RIGHT NOW. Drop that napkin and lets get it on!'
3. When we're ready.
Its always worked but lately both a good friend of mine and a family member said to me: 'are you sure you want to have babies when you're over 30???? I mean 30 is kinda old to get started.'
My friend who means well but just has foot in mouth disease in its worst form, even went into the whole 'Women's bodies are made to be most fertile between 18 and their mid twenties. After 25 its getting up there. I am planning to have my first when I am 30' )Mind you this woman is 27 and she has no boyfriend and fewer prospects and already ringing the baby bell.)
WHAT???? What happened to 50 is the new 40 and 30 is the new 20? Yes I know older women can have fertility issues but I am thinking age 31/32, thats still fine. My GYNO said so when DH and I asked last year.
Is anyone else going through this? I feel like I should just hang a sign around my neck that says 'Gone out to Pasture.'
Dee606
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
I just tell people that having kids is not our focus right now & it usually shuts them up!!!
We secretly have a date when we are going to start trying but we know that it may be a little hard for us to conceive so I am telling NO ONE until my 1st trimester is over.
PeteysBride
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
I wish that worked for us but not so much with my family; typical hispanic family that wanted grandkids and nephews and nieces yesterday.
I am not bothered by their excitement but it bugs em when they keep throwing into my face that 'well you're not getting any younger.' Duh I realize that but we're not in a position yet to have them. We want to do it as right as we can and right now isn't the time.
joshisgirl
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
i hate when people ask me this. since girls in india get married in their early twenties and have babies within their first year of marriage, my family in india and my husband's family (who are fairly new to the US) always ask. at this point they think all hope is lost. even when i visited india two years ago people thought i would be a lonely old woman talking to my birds because i wasnt married at the old age of 23.
i always reply not yet, but it REALLY bothers me that working full-time, going to grad school, owning a coop, ... are not enough to warrant success.
SusiBtoM
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Jenn, I love your answers, especially the second one. I just hate how people can be so nosy about something so personal.
We got the question all the time after we got married, but it is not happening for us. I'm almost 42 and my darling husband is 46. DH does not want children at this point in his life. Yes I know that I can still have a baby at 42, lots of women are doing it, blah blah blah. I am not as young as I used to be. I can't run around and do the million things I used to. Work drains me, and then to come home and do housework. I have enough just trying to take care of myself and DH and our parents. I look forward to dropping into bed at 10 and then sleping thru the night. I don't have my mom to help me, and DH's mom is 83. Selfish of me.
I love children. I love the unconditional love that they give you. I love their innocence. I always wanted to be a mom, have at least two kids, maybe four, but this dream of mine took place in my early 20's. I never thought that I would not get married until I was 41 and marry a man 4 years older than I am.
My sure-fire answer to get people to shut up when they keep harping on the baby thing is to tell them that I already have three children. One is 73, one is 75 and the other is 83.
Then I just walk away because I don't want them to see my eyes well up with tears because they have hurt me.
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
An ex-employee who called me yesterday for something work related asked me if I had any news - I was like, news?? And she said, you know, BABY news! I was like, no, nothing yet.
I'm ok with the questions - for me they come VERY few and far between, lol. I think my parents and DH's parents know that we wanted to wait at LEAST a year, but more like 2-3 years so they're not harping on it. My SIL is due in September, so I think my new nephew will keep my side of the family baby-sated for a while, lol. Althought my SIL is always asking, especially now cuz she says she'd like for the new baby to have cousins close in age.
Also, I think most of the very close people in our lives know how many health issues I've been having so a baby is not really even an option at this point. I look forward to it, but I have to be at a healthy point and DH and I have to be emotionally ready for the huge changes that a baby brings - and we're not yet ready, lol!
teenigrrl
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
So far we've been lucky, no one has been asking us that. At work, people do ask everyone once in a while, because it seems every woman on my floor who is in her child bearing years is pregnant! Of course all i hear 'you're gonna be next' or 'let me rub some baby dust on you'. thanks, but no thanks.
i tell everyone the honest answer - once we have a house, and are a bit settled, then we'll start trying. our families now that's our plan, so they don't expect anything from us. i know as soon as we move into our future home, the hounding is going to come, esp from MIL. my BIL has been married for 6 years, and everyone is constantly asking them when they're gonna have kids. my poor SIL is at the point where she can't help but snap back 'it's not up for discussion!'. at this point, i wouldn't be surprised if he did have kids before them.
davenjess
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
honestly, it makes me sad.
we've been trying unsuccessfully for 4 months now.
i'm sure it'll happen, eventually, but every time someone asks it kills me.
Mich0621
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Can I also add that it is totally annoying that if I want to wear something with an empire waist, I must be hiding a pregnancy?
As you can guess, this question drives me nuts. I usually answer:
'I already have two children-they have furry tails and pointy ears.'
leafgirl
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Should it? Cause it never does. I just laugh it off since I see it as my life and I really don't care what others think we should do.
gabbie83
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
those are all good answers. now imagine how i feel when we are actually trying to get pregnant but we're not and people ask us.... i feel like screaming: MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS - ITS NOT THAT EASYYYY!!!!!!
dimples092907
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
My friend used to tell people 'When God blesses us with one'. That shut them up every time and never asked again.
Honestly I will be in my mid-thirties when we plan on TTC and like you said, my GYNO said it is fine. He told me to try when we are ready and if we see we are having a difficult time, then go to him and he will run some tests, but he told me not to worry. If I was planning on TTC in my forties, then he would run some tests prior, but until then we are good to go. That is all I had to hear. All my sisters were in their thirties when they got pregnant multiple times!!!
Try not to let it bother you. I know it's hard, but you can't worry about what other people think. You and DH have a plan for what's good for you and stick to it. It really is no body's business buy yours.
gabbie83
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Posted by davenjess
honestly, it makes me sad.
we've been trying unsuccessfully for 4 months now.
i'm sure it'll happen, eventually, but every time someone asks it kills me.
i know same here!
PattyK
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
It does bother me but I also get it from the other side. People are surprised when DH & I say that we want children because we are both over 40.
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
i feel moreso like i wish it was our time to start trying but it just isnt so with all the pregnancies popping up all around me, im honestly kinda envious. most ppl around us know where we're at right now, so they have no reason to ask 'when are you guys having babies?' and if anyone does i moreso feel a little stupid trying to explain that i really need to finish my doctoral program bc it sounds like i care more about that than a family, when in reality i just dont know if id be able to handle going straight through my program with my health situation and not knowing how the pregnancy will affect me. it makes more sense for us to wait like 3 -4 yrs but i wish it was different and we could start trying now. at the same time, that thought kinda scares me! lol im all over the place.
mrspalomino148
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Honestly I don't get how people have the balls to ask couples these questions, its none of there business! but I have to tell you these people are always going to be out there, trying to make you feel bad because there miserable people, please dont take it to heart. I can't tell you how many times I've heard 'Wow you just got married and now your pregnant, what about that alone time period, you know that will be bad for your relationship?' I have to stop myself from kicking the craap out of these people, because its not there life sooo get stay the helll out of it.. What I'm trying to say is, that your never going to please everyone, do what you and DH want to do, and screw everyone else!
PS. my mom had me when she was 32, and I have to say I'm pretty freaken wonderful
DNicholes
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
is it weird that I don't mind? haha & maybe b/c no one harasses me about it. I think if people began to tell me at what age I should be having a baby or talk about how my body is going to react, then I'd get annoyed.
A few of my friends from HS are like 'Devon come on...we want you to be the first...we need a little one running around' & I love that actually. I mean I laugh and tell them Europe first people...Europe first! But I love that they want me to have a baby and spoil them! It makes me excited that they're excited for me.
my sister does the whole 'ya know...eddie is reallllly lonely...he could use a cousin right now' lol That's gonna sucker me in soon but she's only half kidding...she wants to be an Aunt already but knows we have 'things' to do first.
MattandTricia07
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
I find it rather amusing that once you get engaged people start with the questions of when, where, colors, dress, etc. And then once you're married they start with the baby questions. Why can't people just be happy for where you are RIGHT NOW in your life?
DH's cousin is due in a few weeks and we could not be more happy for them. They have been married for 2 years, but it has brought out questions to us. It actually went as far as the other weekend at a family party- I was sitting with the pregnant cousin and the friend goes to me, 'oh so you're a few weeks pregnant too, right?' I was like, 'umm no'. She said she thought she heard that at the cousin's baby shower. I just don't get while people need to start talking. And like Michele said- why do people think you have something to hide especially with the new style of clothing?? Not only the clothing, but when I don't drink at a party, everyone starts talking. It's rather frustrating.
DH and I know when we want to start and when it's time to share with the world, we will.
Colette
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
HEY Jenn, this one calls for your DUCK sign, methinks!!! And can I just say, as a 40 year old mommy to be, that youth is NO insurance policy for an easy/healthy conception/pregnancy. You either got it or you don't. And if you got it, you are 'blessed' -- its not a matter of doing something wrong, or waiting too long, or whatever.. I was quite worried about the whole thing - the OBGYN I went to just rolled his eyes and said 'Colette, this is the Upper East Side. All my patients are 40.' is baking just fine. I have friends who've really struggled TTC and ALL of them were waaaaaaay younger than us when they went through that. I think you nailed it with the 'well-intentioned' line, she probably knows you and Pete will make great parents and 'can't wait' for you to spawn. BUT its irritating when single/childless people start telling us what they think about our reproductive outlook, right? I can honestly say I don't have a single regret about my late pregnancy, sure, its probably waaaay later than MOST people would want to stretch it, but for me, for my life, and for US as a couple, the timing is perfect I've missed NOTHING, socially, professionally, academically... I'm grounded, happy, and more mature than I ever could have been in my 20s/early 30s. This baby will be received with sheer LOVE and JOY, and I hope he'll benefit from the rich experiences DH and I have had - both separately and together.
And guess what, when it comes right down to it... we STILL DON'T FEEL READY!
Butterfly123
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Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?
Its annoying when people make it about 'age' and how were getting up there. I didnt know something as important as having a child was solely based on how old people are getting. I dont care if Im 38, if DH and I are not financially and mentally ready, then I wont be having a child. Some family members ask me about kids, but I shut them up real quick and walk away.
