Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Original post by PeteysBride

Jul 17, 2008 08:38 AM

With all the announcemensts I started thinking about this (and CONGRATS to all those ladies!) because lately it seems since Spring/Summer are the season of new babies, EVERYONE I know seems to be asking 'So when are YOU guys having one???'

Now we have been asked this question before and depending on who it is we have 3 standard responses that we recylce:

1. Whenever you're ready to move in and be a full-time Nanny.

2. -looking at ourwatches then shrieking- 'Honey we almost missed THE time. I'm fertile RIGHT NOW. Drop that napkin and lets get it on!'

3. When we're ready.

Its always worked but lately both a good friend of mine and a family member said to me: 'are you sure you want to have babies when you're over 30???? I mean 30 is kinda old to get started.'

My friend who means well but just has foot in mouth disease in its worst form, even went into the whole 'Women's bodies are made to be most fertile between 18 and their mid twenties. After 25 its getting up there. I am planning to have my first when I am 30' )Mind you this woman is 27 and she has no boyfriend and fewer prospects and already ringing the baby bell.)

WHAT???? What happened to 50 is the new 40 and 30 is the new 20? Yes I know older women can have fertility issues but I am thinking age 31/32, thats still fine. My GYNO said so when DH and I asked last year.

Is anyone else going through this? I feel like I should just hang a sign around my neck that says 'Gone out to Pasture.'

What Posted: Jul 17, 2008 12:21 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

does it bother me?

not at all. I just think people don't have any material or conversation starter... they probably have nothing better to say to me than that... and I really don't think people care.

I don't think people are JUDGING at all..

drpepper318 Posted: Jul 17, 2008 12:32 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Generally people don't bother us about it THANK GOODNESS or else I'd lose my patience with them really fast.
But as our first anniversary approaches and we're getting older, I'm a little worried we'll get the questions more often.
Luckily our families are GREAT about it and never mention it.
I feel that it's NOBODY'S business but our own when or even if we decide to have children so I would be very annoyed if people were to judge me based on what we decide to do.

rmsgirl Posted: Jul 17, 2008 12:42 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

We got harrassed about it during our engagement, at our wedding reception, and for the six months we were trying before we got our BFP.

Most of it was good natured stuff from family and friends who just wanted this for us. A few people really did cross the line, though.

My favorite response from DH (yes, he really did say this), was, 'Gee thanks for the reminder. Would you like us to try again right now?'

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:08 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by Mich0621

Can I also add that it is totally annoying that if I want to wear something with an empire waist, I must be hiding a pregnancy?

As you can guess, this question drives me nuts. I usually answer:

'I already have two children-they have furry tails and pointy ears.'

LMMFAO!!!! Us too!!! we haze Zoe and Simon...and YES we are 'those' people who treat our animals like our kids.

I want kids most defiently but in due time....

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:10 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by mrspalomino148

Honestly I don't get how people have the balls to ask couples these questions, its none of there business! but I have to tell you these people are always going to be out there, trying to make you feel bad because there miserable people, please dont take it to heart. I can't tell you how many times I've heard 'Wow you just got married and now your pregnant, what about that alone time period, you know that will be bad for your relationship?' I have to stop myself from kicking the craap out of these people, because its not there life sooo get stay the helll out of it.. What I'm trying to say is, that your never going to please everyone, do what you and DH want to do, and screw everyone else!

PS. my mom had me when she was 32, and I have to say I'm pretty freaken wonderful

LOL I think you're pretty OK And I know..people think 32 is ancient. I mean I know 5th graders think you're dead at age 25 so 32 is a fossil lol btu adults? COME ON now people!

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:10 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by rmsgirl

We got harrassed about it during our engagement, at our wedding reception, and for the six months we were trying before we got our BFP.

Most of it was good natured stuff from family and friends who just wanted this for us. A few people really did cross the line, though.

My favorite response from DH (yes, he really did say this), was, 'Gee thanks for the reminder. Would you like us to try again right now?'

HAH LOVE that answer. Adding that to my arsenal.

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:12 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by SusiBtoM

Jenn, I love your answers, especially the second one.
I just hate how people can be so nosy about something so personal.

We got the question all the time after we got married, but it is not happening for us. I'm almost 42 and my darling husband is 46. DH does not want children at this point in his life. Yes I know that I can still have a baby at 42, lots of women are doing it, blah blah blah. I am not as young as I used to be. I can't run around and do the million things I used to. Work drains me, and then to come home and do housework. I have enough just trying to take care of myself and DH and our parents. I look forward to dropping into bed at 10 and then sleping thru the night. I don't have my mom to help me, and DH's mom is 83.
Selfish of me.

I love children. I love the unconditional love that they give you. I love their innocence. I always wanted to be a mom, have at least two kids, maybe four, but this dream of mine took place in my early 20's. I never thought that I would not get married until I was 41 and marry a man 4 years older than I am.

My sure-fire answer to get people to shut up when they keep harping on the baby thing is to tell them that I already have three children. One is 73, one is 75 and the other is 83.

Then I just walk away because I don't want them to see my eyes well up with tears because they have hurt me.

Aww Susi...we love you honey and if you want to borrow my spawn forom hmm..age 2 to age 5 and then again from ages 13-18, FEEL FREE! I will even send them with luggage, the good friend that I am...

Seriously though..I know it hurts because you love kids but God works in mysterious ways. What about being a foster parent? Or is your DH totally opposed to that? I considered that or us in the future but if you're like me, giving them back might be hard.

I LOVE YOU though!

What Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:13 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by PeteysBride

LOL I think you're pretty OK And I know..people think 32 is ancient. I mean I know 5th graders think you're dead at age 25 so 32 is a fossil lol btu adults? COME ON now people!

actually... if you go over to the parenting board on LIF most first time moms are 31, 32...

people are having kids later these days..

Heck, I'm going to be 34 and I don't plan on *another* one for at least 2 years...

JennNicole Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:21 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by What

I don't think people are JUDGING at all..

Judging you OR ME or Jenn when they say that???

B/C GUESS WHAT.... 'WHAT'
They are TOTALLY JUDGING ME I can't speak for Jenn but .. HOLY T ALEDO - I have a huge issue with this ..and my FAMILIES and randoms including some friends are ALWAYS commenting and trying to make us feel bad about 'our' ages.

Infact - my mother keeps telling me about how his swimmers are getting slower

both family and people make me want the w/out the Turkey!

Edit to add..
Caroline you have a child already , I don't think they are judging you

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:23 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by Colette

HEY Jenn, this one calls for your DUCK sign, methinks!!!
And can I just say, as a 40 year old mommy to be, that youth is NO insurance policy for an easy/healthy conception/pregnancy. You either got it or you don't. And if you got it, you are 'blessed' -- its not a matter of doing something wrong, or waiting too long, or whatever..
I was quite worried about the whole thing - the OBGYN I went to just rolled his eyes and said 'Colette, this is the Upper East Side. All my patients are 40.'
is baking just fine. I have friends who've really struggled TTC and ALL of them were waaaaaaay younger than us when they went through that.
I think you nailed it with the 'well-intentioned' line, she probably knows you and Pete will make great parents and 'can't wait' for you to spawn. BUT its irritating when single/childless people start telling us what they think about our reproductive outlook, right?
I can honestly say I don't have a single regret about my late pregnancy, sure, its probably waaaay later than MOST people would want to stretch it, but for me, for my life, and for US as a couple, the timing is perfect
I've missed NOTHING, socially, professionally, academically... I'm grounded, happy, and more mature than I ever could have been in my 20s/early 30s. This baby will be received with sheer LOVE and JOY, and I hope he'll benefit from the rich experiences DH and I have had - both separately and together.

And guess what, when it comes right down to it... we STILL DON'T FEEL READY!

LMAO you remembered the duck sign Colette!!!!!!!!!

AWESOME! I SO need to post that sign.

Yea I guess I am more annoyed not ebcause they ask but because I sterss about it to myself-DH dioesn't want to be 'an old dad' and he is almost 6 years older so if I have them at 3/32, he is near 40 and he wanted to avoid that so I feel liek we're on a timetable and that stresses me.

Also i screwed up with school early on in my life college wise-Ive posted about it before but due to some serious sexual harrasment I broke down and dropped out and it took a while for me to get it together to go back. So I'm WAY behind where i want to be in life and DH and I want to travel and get a home, so we want to wait.

I guess my own occasional inner turmoil is a kicker too.

PeteysBride Posted: Jul 17, 2008 01:27 PM

Re: Kinda Spinoff: Does it bother you when people judge you on your lack of preggers status?

Posted by gemmifer

Posted by What

I don't think people are JUDGING at all..

Judging you OR ME or Jenn when they say that???

B/C GUESS WHAT.... 'WHAT'
They are TOTALLY JUDGING ME I can't speak for Jenn but .. HOLY T ALEDO - I have a huge issue with this ..and my FAMILIES and randoms including some friends are ALWAYS commenting and trying to make us feel bad about 'our' ages.

Infact - my mother keeps telling me about how his swimmers are getting slower

both family and people make me want the w/out the Turkey!

Edit to add..
Caroline you have a child already , I don't think they are judging you

Yea Jenn I agree with you. I mean some people like my friend are well meaning but when people keep asking, OBVIOUSLY they care because they keep bringing it up on a weekly basis and keep with the 'You can't keep your figure forever' or 'Don't you wnat your baby to be HEALTHY?!' comments like I am actively trying to harm my future children by not conceiving them earlier. THAT i think is judegmental

As far as people just asking, that doesnt bug me. But going the extra mile..yea putting nsoes where they dont belong.

LMAO Jenn..My DAD said the SAME thing about the swimmers and my mom bopped him upside the head.