Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Original post by JimmysBride

Feb 26, 2005 12:22 PM

This might get long so please bear with me...

I didn't want any kids at our wedding besides those in or directly related to the people in the BP. My uncle from FL is engaged to this woman who has a sweet but very annoying daughter. She's always trying to act more grown up than she is, always wants to be in the adult's business, very nosey, etc etc. Anyway, she was not invited (the daughter) but my uncle and his fiance of course where.

About 3 weeks before the wedding my mom calls me and asks if this little girl (who is about 10) can come to the wedding. (Let's call her Ginny to make it easier). I told my mother that she was being very rude for even asking (my uncle's fiance) and that she (my mom) knew my policy on kids at the wedding. I told her that non-BP kids showing up at the wedding would really insult and offend DHs family who were told NO CHILDREN. Then I told her that I didn't need to be dealing with this crap so close to the wedding and to please handle it and not bring it up to me again. She never brought it up again.

Well... not only was Ginny AT my wedding --- and this is the part that really stings --- SHE CAUGHT THE BOUQUET AT MY WEDDING!!!!!!. Grrrr.... you don't know how angry it makes me just to type that. This will ALWAYS ALWAYS bug me. It should have been one of my BMs that caught the bouquet. That little girl should never even have been at the wedding, much less in the pool of girls waiting to catch the bouquet --she IS TEN for pete's sake. Oh... and she BARELY caught it... more like she ripped out of the hands of one of my BMs!!!

I've never said anything to my Mom about it. I know I should be mad at my Mom but I'm not. I know this woman must've put her in a tough position and made her say yes. But why wouldn't this woman make the brat give the bouquet back and let me re-throw it??? Why would she let a ten yr old go up there and catch it in the first place???!!?!

Anyway... this is one of those things that happened at my wedding that I don't think I'll ever be able to let go of. It occurred to me when one of my BMs was talking to a mutual friend of ours that got married in 2003. This bride had lots of things go wrong at her wedding and they were discussing this bouquet thing at my wedding and my BM said 'yes, I think she's over it' and the other bride said -- 'Oh NO! She'll NEVER get over it. That's one of those things that a bride NEVER gets over!'

And I thought... wow, she's probably right. It's not one of those cute quirky little things that happen at weddings that make them so personal (like my limo making me late to my ceremony)...it's not cute at all!!

So my questions:

1 - Would you be upset or angry at this situation if you were in my shoes? Would you bother to say anything to anyone now? Would you have handled it differently before the wedding or on the day of?? Would you have a tough time getting over it?

2 - Did anything like this happen at your wedding...something that you think will ALWAYS bug you as a bride??

BCTM33 Posted: Feb 28, 2005 05:04 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I think all of you have reason to be upset! Here is my addition:

1. I gave my family a guestlist for my shower, 1/2 the people I wanted invited were not. My Mom invited more her friends instead of mine.

2. Someone had a little too much to drink at my wedding - hey it happens, no big deal right? NO....my band played a participation dance - after a explicitly told them NO PARTICIPATION DANCES, and the guy dropped his pants.....and then his underwear and had to be carried away. NOT COOL!

wood2be Posted: Feb 28, 2005 05:24 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Posted by BCTM33

and the guy dropped his pants.....and then his underwear and had to be carried away. NOT COOL!

I'm so sorry!

Danielle&Scott Posted: Feb 28, 2005 06:12 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

One thing that annoyed me was that we invited DH's cousin without a date (he hadn't seen her in 15 years). She asked her mom (DH's aunt_) if she could invite her dance partner... . DH's aunt told her that b/c they weren't going out she didn' think it would be appropriate. About a week or so later the cousin told her mom they were going out.

Well, I told DH is was up tp him but I didn't want them to be on the dance floor with a dance routinue. Well, needless to say they were in the middle of the dance floor dirty dancing grabbing each other's ***. Hello, you haven't since the family in 15 years and this is how you act. I thought it was gross. I just hope they are not on the video.

Sweetd Posted: Feb 28, 2005 10:25 PM

BCTM33

My mom also invited all of her friends and she gave me a problem when I wanted to invite some of my friends. I wanted to invite a lot more than I did. I only invited 10 instead of my original list. Also, when it came to my wedding I could only invite 22 including my husbands friends (including my 2 friends that were in my two that were in my bridal party). The thing that gets me mad is I have a single friend that is 40 that I work w/ and I invite her w/out a guest which I feel really badly for doing, and my mom said well if you want to invite so many people if this lady is single don't invite her w/ a guest. Well, one of my friends who got married last year invited her with a guest (which she came alone) and she didn't come to mine which leads me to believe that she didn't come because I didn't invite her w/ a guest. I had to do it, if I wanted to invite my closer friend and I had no choice since my parents were paying. Some times, parents put you in an uncomfortable situation. I feel bad, but what can be done now.

It really was even though there was some problems, with my ring barriers pillow missing, my four friends and their boyfriends dirty dancing right next to my grandparents. What gets me really upset is 'so called friend' and her boyfriend that took that ladies guests place didn't even bring a gift and two months later still no envelop! No I regret it even more than I orginally did.

Sorry about your situation, that isn't cool! Overall was it fun though? I try and think about that.

Sunny Posted: Feb 28, 2005 11:36 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be mad too.

This will ALWAYS bug me: (I will try and keep it short)
My parents paid for the WHOLE wedding.

FIL and his wife said they will throw the rehearsal dinner- when it came time to plan it the told us our budget was $250. (so we didn't have one)
then about 3 weeks before my FIL insisted we invite his 4 friends. We were pretty much at our budget and were cutting our own friends, so we said no. (at that point my parents paid for everyone and anyone extra dh and I had to pay for). We were so tapped- we really could not afford it.
Anyway, we told fil that- he called us back and said 'you have to invite them, I already told them they were. We will send you a check'. So I sent the invites, no check. He kept saying it was in the mail.

So finally dh called and yelled at him, and fil said 'if you need the money go ask Stephanie's parents.' (again, my parents paid for EVERYTHING. threw our engagement party, etc.)

DH flipped, we got our check, and he didn't talk to his dad for 3 months after the wedding.

Sweetd Posted: Mar 01, 2005 10:19 AM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Sorry to go on but...

Another thing that I forgot is, my in-laws said that they would pay for the photographer, now when the time comes they said that we have to pay for the entire thing. I don't understand how they can say that, they included that in the amount they were giving us towards vendors. DH is afraid to say something, so we have to pay for it ourselves. We really don't have the money, since we are saving for a house and waiting for DH to finish school. But we will have to use our tax return money, which I really didn't want to do, oh well. My parents did so much and they really didn't have the money. I apprecate what they did pay for, but they went back on their word.

They also, picked where to have the rehearsal dinner (which I wasn't crazy about, but their other son had his there). They asked me and I said well, how about an Italian restaurant and of course, that is not where we had it, totally different food. The food was ok, but why ask then???

eroxgirl Posted: Mar 01, 2005 10:38 AM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would certainly be upset if I were you, and NO I would NOT get over it any time soon. Here's what I won't get over...

1. My FIL and his sisters having a special dance just for them - each of his 3 sisters being called up one at a time!! The DJ asked me if it was okay and I said NO! And then DH who was feeling a little loose said sure, go ahead. He instantly regretted it, when we didn't even receive a card from his parents, let alone a gift (they were a family of 6, btw)!!! I *might* get over it though - after I have it cut out of the video.

2. My cake was hideous and disgusting, because the florist pressured me into getting their *scatter* design instead of the cascade I wanted. It was SOOOOOO freakin ugly I hate every picture of it, and I have about 1000 pics of it.

3. My photographer barely took any pictures of my family. Since I'll never have those pictures, I'll never get over it.

Sweetd Posted: Mar 01, 2005 10:52 AM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I would be upset as well, but your right, you can I have it cut out of the video. You can also ask for the raw footage as a seperate video, just to appease DH and he can watch it, but definatly, not on the actually video. I would be very upset w/ the dj and I wouldn't recommend him if I were you. He really shouldn't have played the song if both of you didn't agree on it.

eroxgirl Posted: Mar 01, 2005 11:02 AM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Actually, the DJ came to me and told me that DH gave the okay before he let them dance, so its not the DJ's fault because I said 'fine' (which of course, as women we know that 'fine' is really 'NOT fine' but my dj was a man, which explains why he didn't understand ). I loved my DJ and he was clearly working for *me* and not anyone else in the room - not even DH.

It is in our raw footage, which is the first time either of us ever saw it because I took my whole family out of the reception room to take a picture and DH was MIA at that time. It's a VERY good thing my mother didn't see it or she would have said something obnoxious right then and there.

Sweetd Posted: Mar 01, 2005 11:10 AM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Oh, ok, then that is a different story with the dj. My dj was cool too, he did whatever I wanted .

Good thing your mom didn't see it! What a shocker!

shamrock12472 Posted: Mar 01, 2005 12:07 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

I guess I am lucky because there really isn't anything that really bugs me about my wedding day. I do wish I choose a different photographer but, all in all, it was fine.

The one thing I really do regret is inviting my 'aunt' and 'uncle' along with their grown children.

SandraLynn Posted: Mar 01, 2005 02:27 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

My day was great, except there are a few little things:

(1) my SIL did not come to my shower b/c it was 9/11 and she had a memorial to attend.

(2) Both BIL and MY FATHER did not even give us a card on our wedding day, I am not implying 'money' i am implying CARD....

(3) the MOST UPSETTING THING was that my brother whom I had seen in years, had to leave early b/c his daughter (2 yrs old) was running a high fever and they had to leave, and my father went w/ them and my father missed the father / daughter dance...I love my father tons, but this really surprised me and baffled me. (my parents are divorced 30 yrs and he drove up here from FLA)...

It all kinda still STINGS.

Janice Posted: Mar 01, 2005 02:42 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

1. Listening to my MIL and adding people to the final count 2 days before the wedding, because their feelings were hurt by me not inviting them(DH's uncle and cousins), DH knew what he was doing..all 6 people added wound up being no shows

2. Both my grandfathers died the year I got married, both too sick to make it to their 50th anniversary parties, both were planned, and cancelled.. so my 2 newly widowed grandmothers had to sit there and watch my DH's grandmother and grandfather have a spotlight dance for their 50th...this was done at my MIL's request to the dj, the dj told her he would have to ask me, MIL told dj she already did and that I was fine with it...

3. Priest had to stop the mass because my inlaws were late to the ceremony and did a huge loud meet and greet during the mass. On my video, we timed it, priest stops what he is doing and stares for 4 minutes and 17 seconds.

4. Inlaws came from Massachusetts, and I felt bad that they would have no where to go after ceremony and before CH, so my mother opened the house to them, we made quiche as a hold over...they wound up going to store and buying cases of beer, they got drunk before CH, and even though DH had directions on how to get to hall, they were all late..missed CH, and 40 minutes of reception..including MIL, we were going to be introduced on time, but DH was on the phone trying to get cabs to pick up drunk inlaws from my house.

wow it is all coming back to me now, hehe..

5. MIL wanted to make the guest book...she kept coming up with these ideas that I kept shooting down, so I finally agreed..guess what? there was no guest book

Sweetd Posted: Mar 01, 2005 02:48 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Oh, one thing that all of us are forgetting to mention... what about those, lovely, thoughtful people (yeah right) sent in a response card and just didn't show up! That has got to be my favorite one of all! My parents had to pay for six extra people, who never bothered to call.

palebride Posted: Mar 01, 2005 02:55 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Posted by Janice

Both my grandfathers died the year I got married, both too sick to make it to their 50th anniversary parties, both were planned, and cancelled.. so my 2 newly widowed grandmothers had to sit there and watch my DH's grandmother and grandfather have a spotlight dance for their 50th...this was done at my MIL's request to the dj, the dj told her he would have to ask me, MIL told dj she already did and that I was fine with it...

how hurtful!!!

tourist Posted: Mar 01, 2005 03:13 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Nothing really still bugs me. Occasionaly MIL w ill make little comments about the wedding, & that bugs me, but that is really about now.

At the time, I was annoyed with all the people out of the wood work MIL invited to our 'small' wedding, but now I don't remember them being there.

I think if something still bugs you, ther eis a larger reason for it ( ie- this person always pulls this sort of crap.. .) and then maybe it should be discussed)

Janice Posted: Mar 01, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

Posted by tourist

Nothing really still bugs me. Occasionaly MIL w ill make little comments about the wedding, & that bugs me, but that is really about now.

At the time, I was annoyed with all the people out of the wood work MIL invited to our 'small' wedding, but now I don't remember them being there.

I think if something still bugs you, ther eis a larger reason for it ( ie- this person always pulls this sort of crap.. .) and then maybe it should be discussed)

def agree with you, my mil has been a headache for 10 years now..we are not close, she is having a hard time in life right now, DH would feel too guilty to cut her out of our lives so we really don't know how to handle her..At my RD she threw a tantrum and called me a cold person in front of everyone..that is the point where I said I can no longer stomach this nut.

dpli Posted: Mar 01, 2005 03:54 PM

Re: Little things that will always bug a bride... (LONG)

'Oh, one thing that all of us are forgetting to mention... what about those, lovely, thoughtful people (yeah right) sent in a response card and just didn't show up! That has got to be my favorite one of all! My parents had to pay for six extra people, who never bothered to call. '
==============================
I was really lucky in this regard - only one and it was sort of a weird thing so I didn't get mad.

I guess my only thing is that no more than 2 minutes after we finished taking photos and I was bustled up, and were entering the CH, DH steps on my hem, breaking the button holding the bustle. Yes, before anyone even saw the dress bustled. My MOH tried putting it on another button, but it never sat right and kept falling off. So I ended up doing what I vowed I NEVER wanted to do at my wedding - carrying my train around most of the night He felt really badly about it (and still does actually.)

This was why I didn't want one, but let myself get talked into it. Oh well, if that is the worst that happened, I guess I am lucky, right