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My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
Original post by introuble
I logged in as someone different because I am afraid someoneI know might read this. Being married has been a hell and we haven't even made a year. I am miserable and my husband doesn't seem to care. I know that he is under alot of stress. He suffered a loss of a loved one and has started a new job but there is no time for us. His mother takes up the majority of his time. She is very needy. Now that we are married it seems like we are suppossed to be at her house everyday. I like her but not that much! Planning the wedding was very stressful and we fought alot. I feel like I might have ignored warning signs and went ahead with the wedding. Does anyone know of any marriage counselors in Nassau? I am desperate and so unhappy! Thanks for listening.![]()
And if anyone has any advice please give!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
Like the other ladies said marriage is very hard work. It not like when you are dating you can walk away from it. We have our good days and bad days. I think a key to a successful marriage is communication.
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
Thanks for all the support everyone. It was my husband's maternal grandmother that passed away. He was very close to her. She was diagnosed with cancer a month after we got back from our honeymoon. I am trying to be understanding but at the same time I feel I never got married. We never spend any time together. He works long hours and then he goes to visit his mother to check on her, then he comes home. We speak for about a half an hour when he gets home and this goes on for an entire week. On the weekends, I'm lucky if we spend time together alone on Saturday and every Sunday we go to his mother's house for dinner. I am so frustrated! If I bring up how I feel then I am not being understanding but I am so lonely! What the heck did I get married for!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
well i don't know if you really got married last feb or not since you are under an alias...But if you got married a few months ago, i would say..give your DH some time to work through all of this. TRY, i know it is hard but TRY to be a little understand that he feels ne needs to be there for his mother right now..
You have a lifetime together..! But always try to keep talking ot him, NOT FIGHTING, about how you are feeling!
If nothing works tell him it is time you two need to see someone to get thrugh this rough patch...
Going to counseling may help you open up some lines of communication..
You have a lifetime together..! But always try to keep talking ot him, NOT FIGHTING, about how you are feeling!
If nothing works tell him it is time you two need to see someone to get thrugh this rough patch...
Going to counseling may help you open up some lines of communication..
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I can understand how your hubby feels I too lost my grandmother and I was very close to her. The loss really sets in more and more as time goes on. You start to really feel the moments you miss with that person, but it does get better too.
Since your hubby works late a lot and moments together are limited during the week, how about suggesting a Saturday date night. Try to spend Saturdays with just the two of you so you can catch up. For now give him the time he needs to grieve and spend time with his mother. Communicate with him as much as you can on how you feel and remember that HOW you say things is important. Sometimes a certain tone will negate anything you say. Good Luck![]()
Since your hubby works late a lot and moments together are limited during the week, how about suggesting a Saturday date night. Try to spend Saturdays with just the two of you so you can catch up. For now give him the time he needs to grieve and spend time with his mother. Communicate with him as much as you can on how you feel and remember that HOW you say things is important. Sometimes a certain tone will negate anything you say. Good Luck
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I sent you an FM.![]()
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I'm so, so sorry! I don't have any advice, but a counselor is the best way to go. Is your husband willing to see one? Do you have family and friends to talk with?
The girls here are wonderful, and are always ready to listen.
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The girls here are wonderful, and are always ready to listen.
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I'm so sorry ![]()
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Counseling & communication would be a good start. best of luck to you.
Counseling & communication would be a good start. best of luck to you.
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
So this was MIL's mother who died. I really think your MIL needs grief counseling. Is your FIL alive? Could you talk to him? Are there other siblings who could visit MIL and keep an eye on her?
Your MIL is probably in a very fragile state and needs to know that someone cares. But it shouldn't be something that your DH shoulders on his own.
Good luck!
Your MIL is probably in a very fragile state and needs to know that someone cares. But it shouldn't be something that your DH shoulders on his own.
Good luck!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
If this is MIL's mother...she might be having a hard time dealing with it. Was the behavior with your MIL going on BEFORE the wedding?? If not, your DH may be feeling a fear of loss.....due to the passing of his grandmother. I know when my gramps died, I started thinking about how I would handle everyone else dying....omg, I drove myself nuts. I needed to be near people and to let them know I loved them.
Your DH might also storngly believe that it is his duty as a son to take care of his mother. I think it's a very strong sentiment in Italian families, as well as Hispanic families. My Stepmother has this strange bond with her older son....
Your DH might also storngly believe that it is his duty as a son to take care of his mother. I think it's a very strong sentiment in Italian families, as well as Hispanic families. My Stepmother has this strange bond with her older son....
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
He has a younger sister but he and his mother have always been close. His mom is single so she was very dependent on her mother for companionship. I don't know how I should handle this situation. Should I leave it alone and say nothing and eventually his mother will feel better and my husband will come home more or will she just continue to be needy? And if so, how long do I wait?
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
i'm so sorry ![]()
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
Have you spoken to your husband? Does he understand that this may be ruining your marriage? Marriage shouldn't mean having to choose between parents and spouse, but as our officiant explained to us, marriage is like a flower that will wither without the necessary time and attention. If he isn't willing to give you the time your marriage needs, that's a huge problem. He may just be taking for granted that everything is going well. You need to talk to him seriously about how you think your marriage is in danger because of the lack of time spent together. Good luck. ![]()
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I am sorry. You are not alone, alot of women go through this. I had a friend who was in a similar situation. Her DH used to still bring his clothes home occasionally to get washed,etc... He will grow out of it. ![]()
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
My mom died while we were on our honeymoon. I can't imagine how hard it was for DH to deal with me in the months that followed. I am sure it didn't turn out to be what he or I exoected for our first year of marriage. But we got through it. Lots of patience and understanding. When it gets rough stop and think why you said yes to begin with.
If you didn't live together before that is alsoa huge adjust ment. Counseling sounds like your best option. Try that before you call it quits.
If you didn't live together before that is alsoa huge adjust ment. Counseling sounds like your best option. Try that before you call it quits.
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
Posted by introuble
He has a younger sister but he and his mother have always been close. His mom is single so she was very dependent on her mother for companionship. I don't know how I should handle this situation. Should I leave it alone and say nothing and eventually his mother will feel better and my husband will come home more or will she just continue to be needy? And if so, how long do I wait?
I can relate on some levels - before we got married, my fmil passed away and it was a devastating blow to my dh (then fi!) and me as well as his dad. since then it has not always been easy, his dad is much older and dh has two half sisters who are not close to his dad (they call but live far and thats about it!) so it was pretty much all on us to be his crutch. Looking back, we now relaize that we may have been there a little too much and taken away his ability to be dependent but we have slwoly been workign with him to get that back over the past 2 yrs.
my dh is very close with his dad - he considers them 'friends' which was weird for me coming from a different type of parental relationship with my mom and dad. it is not always easy and to say that my dh and i have not argued over this at times would be a HUGE lie. we try to talk about things as soon as they bother us. we, too, have busy and most of the time opposite schedules but have made the rule neevr to go to bed upset or internalize - it seems silly but has helped!
I think, as many of the girls have said, you need to communicate with him - if you have tried on your own and it doesn't work, perhaps try to write a letter (you don't have to even give it to him) detailing how you feel, why, etc. - this may also help you pinpoint ways you both could compromise and/or fix things. I think finding a speical you and him time is also key - even if it is ten minutes of cuddling (and yes, just holidng each other) in bed before the day begins, as you go to sleep, whenever)
There are many wonderufl therpaists too. It is important you have recognized the problem - i assume that your dh has too but may not be ready to address it yet. good luck and let us konw how it all goes!
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Re: My marriage is in trouble please give advice!
I want to thank all of you for your support. DH and I sat down and spoke honestly about what we are going through. We are going to seek counseling. I think we are going to be ok!![]()
