My MIL was mean to my Mother on my wedding day!!!!!!

So I picked up my proofs last night and after looking at them and noticing that a lot of them have my mom looking really fake or not smiling at all, I called her and asked her why she didn't look that happy in the pics. She just said that it was a long stressful day, blah, blah...

She didn't want to tell me and I had to drag it out of her but it seems that my MIL threw a fit that my 80 year old grandmother was wearing the same color as her. When my mother approached my MIL at church intending to tell her that she looked stunning, MIL yelled ' How could you do that?' and turned her head away from my mother and didn't speak to her for the whole wedding.

My mother says it is water under the bridge, but I am worried that this will cause tension. MIL is very pushy and competitive and I am worried that a woman who is like this about an 80 yr old wearing the same color as her will be insanely competitive when we have children.


Any advice or support would be appreciated!!

I hope it was just stress on your MIL's side that made her act like that - for her to pull a fit over something so minute is unreal.

Good luck!

i would find out what she was wearing before any event from now on, and wear the same exact color as her....then stand next to her and insist people take pictures of you together......

just teasing.
she sounds a little crazy......i don't think there's really anything you can do about it though....i doubt you're going to have much luck talking sense to someone who would react like that

sorry

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Posted by palebride

i would find out what she was wearing before any event from now on, and wear the same exact color as her....then stand next to her and insist people take pictures of you together......

just teasing.
she sounds a little crazy......i don't think there's really anything you can do about it though....i doubt you're going to have much luck talking sense to someone who would react like that

sorry

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Great idea!!

that is so silly of MIL. Sounds insecure - maybe like above said she was just stressed over the day and overractted - hope all is ok!

i can teach you how to tell her off in polish seriously i think you should just drop it and hope that she does too.

I am not worried about anything else coming of this incident but I must admit that I am worried about what it will be like for us to have kids. I don't want a competition over who is the better grandma and fights about who will babysit.

I also don't want problems with holidays,since they come sooner than having children

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Posted by janwinterbridejoy

i can teach you how to tell her off in polish seriously i think you should just drop it and hope that she does too.

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If I did that she would think that DH taught me and then that might cause a war

But...it would be nice to learn some bad things to say to DH!!!

You're right- if she had an issue with the color that an 80 year old woman wore, then she is controlling.

But, I think that when babies are involved, it goes without saying that 99% of the time, the wife's mother is always more involved than the husband's mother.

Just make sure that you and your DH see eye to eye in all of this and that you both support each other...

i say move away from his parents... that way you won't have to deal with it. Thats my master plan!! Muahahahaha!!!

I agree that you and DH need to talk about things before hand and make sure you always support one another. It's almost always difficult to deal with inlaws. My MIL tends to think that her way is the right way in everything. I listen to her, thank her for her advice and then do what I need to do. But I also try to understand her perspective--after all, she's known DH a lot longer than I have and I can imagine it would be difficult for her to have someone step between her and her son.

I think you should try to understand where she's coming from and respect her--and let her know that you expect the same from her. But, don't let her run your life either.

Well, last night my MIL and DH's two cousins who are visiting from Poland came to my house with cake, flowers and a card for my mom's birthday. They sang to her and we all sat together and looked at proofs.

After they left I spoke to my mom and we talked about the underlying problems with self-image that MIL has. There were a few GORGEOUS pictures of my MIL that I could see my mom was a envious of and MIL hated them and pulled them from the proofs and asked DH and me if we wanted them, because if not she didn't want them around.

My mom and I have agreed that MIL snapped on the wedding day because she knew she could do it and my mom wouldn't snap back. We both saw that she was wound up that day and hadn't been sleeping well with all of the relatives there and she snapped. Yes, it was unncessary and rude, but she acted out of frustration and it isn't worth it to harbor ill will toward her.

Now the funny thing was the card she picked was a sappy card for a 'Friend for All Times' which went on and on about sharing secrets and feeling comfortable and how happy she was to have someone as understanding as my mom. It is true, though, that my mom has been good to her and took her Mother dress shopping and helped her with some things. I guess people are weird.

I told my mom that I really do think that MIL cares for my mom, but acted inappropriately and now she doesn't know how to apologize so she did what she did last night.

Who knows... maybe my inlaws will retire and move back to Poland like they have spoken of...

Remember when you have children they are YOUR children, you get to make the rules AND decide what they are wearing!!! She sounds a little dramatic to me.

That behavior was very rude and uncalled for indeed. As said before, the woman is definitely insecure.
I don't mean to be trite about your concerns for the future, but I would definitely advise you not to concern yourself with such details now. Wait til a situation arises, and I'm sure you and your husband will handle each one together. If you anticipate problems, you will find them. No one is perfect and you may read more into this woman's comments and actions than needed. Neither one of you needs that kind of relationship.
I just wanted to add my 'wisdom', and I wish you the best.