My THank YOu Promblem

Okay this was battled out on the BHB board yesterday and I rather just post it over here for people who are married and have gone through this.

NOw just so everyone knows, i did not have a wedding to get gifts....and trust me we got some gifts from couples that were $25 and $50, even one who just gave a card. BUT we have about 7-8 people who gave us NOTHING...not even a card. And that really bothers me. I now these people pretty well and they are not struggling for money in anyway.

As I find it incredible tacky to come to a wedding drink and have good food and not even give a card (you can get one for 99 cents these days) me and DH decided NOT to send thank you card to these people.

I know this causes heated debates on these boards and I am not looking for a debate...I just want to know if anyone else did this and if yes did any of the people you didn't send a thank you to say anything to you? Me and DH both agreed that if someone does say something to us we will be very up front with them.

AND I know people have a year, but I can always send them a thank you if we ever receive something...however a year to me is ridiculous...maybe a few months but a year??

TIA for any advice.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

I think it is a little tacky to not even bring a card......I agree with you on that!

But, for our wedding, we sent thank yous to everyone who was there....card/gift or not....whatever.

I didn't want to have to think that peopl emight think I was tacky and didn't thank people for coming to my wedding.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

I feel your pain. Not bringing a card atleast is not right. I too had 3 people who didnt bring anything. I AM however sending them a thank you for being there. No matter how annoyed I was not to get a card from them their presence was what I wanted more.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

We only had 1 person the in the end that gave us nothing. It was DH's friend so I left it on him. He said send nothing so I didn't. One day when this guy gets married I am sure DH will return the favor. Also he never sent us his reply card he just came.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

BHB is pretty heated lately.

And, I for one, always used to say 'Oh, all I want is for people to come' But, now that it's all said and done and we look at our depleted bank account and remember all of our hard work...I can say that I would be mad if someone came without giving a card.

I was lucky and did not have that happen. Everyone who came did give a gift.

But, I think that I would send something along the lines of 'It was so nice to see you at the wedding. We hope you really enjoyed yourself'

Then, if they didn't give a gift, or forgot to leave their card, they will realize.

I can relate to your upset feelings. Neither my boss nor my coworkers even gave me a card- and a bunch were invited to my wedding. Now, I got pushed into helping them throw a baby shower for my boss and one of my colleagues. I am really fuming that my special day was no big deal, but now I have to help make something special for them...

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

we sent TY to EVERYONE, even those who did not give a gift/or card.....we thanked them for sharing in our special day. I wrote it off and did not hold a grudge....but I will remember!

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

Here is how we handled this. We had a few who didnt give us a gift. Not many, maybe 2. We sent them a Ty without a picture. My feelings are they probably would not appreciate this token so we would say TY for coming..even if most of the time its for the fre food.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

I don't understand not even bringing a card - at least congratulate us and wish us well. That's all that's really necessary. I don't think it's rude to expect that. It could literally be a note card or even a short note on regular paper.

And I don't get the one year to send a wedding gift rule - why a year? It's not appropriate to send any other gift a year after the event Is it to make sure the couple stays married before you send them something?

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

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Posted by ChristineC68


And I don't get the one year to send a wedding gift rule - why a year? It's not appropriate to send any other gift a year after the event Is it to make sure the couple stays married before you send them something?

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I was thinking the same thing?? I wonder if this is why?

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

Sorry, I'm not sending them anything. Honestly, my guest list got so big at the end, and a good number of people didn't give (it wasn't just a small amount), that if you didn't give anything (even a CARD), I may not have even known who you were! This includes extended family, last minute invites and stuff. I put a lot of time into my thank yous, and if you can show up at my wedding, eat food I paid for and not even give a card, why should I give you anything else? This does not include close friends and family, of course - the people who I would have had there irregardless of anything, they got a TY even if they didn't give anything.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

i had one guest who gave us a check that bounced. i tactfully let him know and he apologized and said that he would send another one right away. that never came.

i did not send a TY card.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

I am not giving out Thank You's to people who didn't give.

.

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Re: My THank YOu Promblem

I am so glad that some of you did what i am planning to do......

AND trust me i understand the girls who say send a thank you to someone who came just to thank them for being there...my big problem is sending it to someone who did not give me a CARD.. I am going to send a TY to the person who gave me a card but no money...I appreciate it (and i don't know their financial situation)....but I can't undestand how someone can be so tacky as to not give a card....and the way i feel why should i have class when they don't.....

Thank you girls for giving me some great advice.......with no debate about how i might be wrong......i really appreciate it.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

There is no way I am sending a thank you note to people who showed up with nothing, and have given us nothing since. What would I write? 'Thanks for coming, drinking as much as you wanted, eating a great meal, hearing a great band, all on my tab! We really appreciated it!'

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

Luckily - we didn't have this problem - the two people that we didn't get cards from that night - we had cards/checks waiting from them by the time we got home from the honeymoon. Honestly, if someone couldn't even manage to give you a card - I'd be pissed. I'm sure you greeted those people at your wedding and thanked them for coming - so I would leave it at that!! You already thanked them for being there - why should you send a thank you now?

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

One of DH's friends came with no card/no gift. He did not get a TY.

Re: My THank YOu Promblem

we are sending ty to everybody