Need a little advice

kellybean Posted: May 14, 2008 09:34 AM

Need a little advice

I dont have a great relationship with my brother or his wife. They were both in my wedding as well as their daughters. I havent really heard from them much since the wedding...not returning calls etc... I thought it was Due to my brother being sick which I totally understood. Well I come to find out its because one of my bridesmaids was repeating alot of stuff I had sad about them and a few choice names I have for sis in law and they not only overheard her but so did their children. I understand its things I said. I didnt excpect them to be repeated at my wedding with young children near..Im not really sure how to approach this...I do know the bridesmaid has a talking shiit problem ....

MrsQ-in2007 Posted: May 14, 2008 09:42 AM

Re: Need a little advice

wow! I can't believe your friend - your BM - would repeat what you said and at your wedding no less!!! You are entitled to vent and tell your friends crap when you''re upset - I'm sure we all vent and say things in confidence to friends but they are not to be repeated!!!!

So sorry you aare going through this - only you know what has happened between you and your bro & sil. At this point I would just tell them honestly that you said some things in anger that you didn't mean and that you never meant to hurt their feelings - this is if you would like to make peace. GL!!!

kellybean Posted: May 14, 2008 09:51 AM

Re: Need a little advice

I did talk to my brother and he totally understands the things I said and how I feel...I also understand that he nor his family needed to deal with that at the time they did ( he was just diagnosed with testicular cancer about a week or so before the wedding) I do feel horrible and I apologized to him we are as ok as we will ever be. I do know if I was in his position and my kids heard that I would have flipped. I just am not to sure what to do about the bridesmaid...The thought of repeating all she has said about her family to the crossed my mind but i just cant be that ridiculous

carolinebr Posted: May 14, 2008 09:55 AM

Re: Need a little advice

You poor thing. I don't have much advice to give but I just feel so badly for you. I say bad stuff about my sister al the time but I would be so hurt if anyone told her

SusiBtoM Posted: May 14, 2008 10:07 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Make ammends with your brother and his family.
They are family which is one of the most important things in this world.

As for the BM, now you know that she cannot be trusted not to repeat things.
If you have the opportunity, then let her know what her actions did, that by repeating what you said to her caused tremendous friction between you and your brother.

kellybean Posted: May 14, 2008 10:08 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Im just so upset my nieces heard it...it supposedly was very raw language...and they knew it wasnt nice and want to know why Aunt Kelly dosent like mommy or daddy.

PeteysBride Posted: May 14, 2008 10:10 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by SusiBtoM

Make ammends with your brother and his family.
They are family which is one of the most important things in this world.

As for the BM, now you know that she cannot be trusted not to repeat things.
If you have the opportunity, then let her know what her actions did, that by repeating what you said to her caused tremendous friction between you and your brother.

WELL said. What a witch.

The kids are an issue but they're kids. If you make amends witht heir parents and show them vby action that you love their mommy and daddy they will be fine. Kids just get scared. They want to eb assured they're loved thats all, because when parents and adults in their world are angry, its scary for them.

davenjess Posted: May 14, 2008 10:13 AM

Re: Need a little advice

who did it - i'm going to kill them.....

GinaZ Posted: May 14, 2008 10:14 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Im glad you spoke to your brother. And as for your BM, you need to tell her what happened and the problems she caused. You ned to explain to her that you will no longer be confiding in her as you did before because of what happened. She def needs to earn back some of your trust.

SusiBtoM Posted: May 14, 2008 10:24 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by kellybean

Im just so upset my nieces heard it...it supposedly was very raw language...and they knew it wasnt nice and want to know why Aunt Kelly dosent like mommy or daddy.

oh how classy of your BM.

How old are your nieces ?
Children learn by example. If you and your brother and his wife are friendly with each other, the children should pick this up. Of course they will be confused in the beginning, so if they do ask again, you can perhaps explain that sometimes grown ups say things that they don't really mean, expecially when they are angry. And sometimees when other grown ups repeat what someone else said, they tend to make it 'bigger' so that it sounds more interesting. Let them know while you can't take back the words, you can say I'm sorry.

kellybean Posted: May 14, 2008 10:30 AM

Re: Need a little advice

they are 2 and 5. I couldnt figure out why at my sons communion neither of my nieces wanted anything to do with me ....

davenjess Posted: May 14, 2008 10:32 AM

Re: Need a little advice

i am BEYOND furious right now.

SusiBtoM Posted: May 14, 2008 10:35 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by kellybean

they are 2 and 5. I couldnt figure out why at my sons communion neither of my nieces wanted anything to do with me ....

Ah, the perfect age for the older one to know that you did something bad to mommy and daddy.
When you can, tell the girls that you are sorry for hurting mommy and daddy with your words, and that you would like to be their auntie again.

PeteysBride Posted: May 14, 2008 10:38 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by SusiBtoM

Posted by kellybean

they are 2 and 5. I couldnt figure out why at my sons communion neither of my nieces wanted anything to do with me ....

Ah, the perfect age for the older one to know that you did something bad to mommy and daddy.
When you can, tell the girls that you are sorry for hurting mommy and daddy with your words, and that you would like to be their auntie again.

I agree. They are just defending their parents and they're afarid. It would help too fi you can make amends wit the parensts and act friendly around oen another. Hug and kiss goodbye even if its not the usual thing, just so the kids see it. It will relax them and reassure them that everyone is happy.

davenjess Posted: May 14, 2008 10:38 AM

Re: Need a little advice

PegaLega Posted: May 14, 2008 10:45 AM

Re: Need a little advice

I agree with Yesi, I know you said you already talked to your brother about the situation. As far as the BM is concerned I would ask her what her deal is? If she has no clue of what you are talking about tell her-that you as well as everyone has days where you just want to vent and need someone to listen-THAT is it, LISTEN! I would tell her it was unnecessary to go and tell your bro what you had said in the process of venting and how would she appreciate it if you did it to her?

Ill be honest-if this was one of my BMs, we would NOT be friends, I cant stand people like that.

kellybean Posted: May 14, 2008 11:25 AM

Re: Need a little advice

I cant really change my relationship with the bridesmaid it is what it is...but I am going down to visit my nieces with my kids in virgina soon...hopefully seeing every one together will help !

Butterfly123 Posted: May 14, 2008 11:49 AM

Re: Need a little advice

Since you handled the situation with your bro and his wife, you need to cut off this BM 'friend' of yours for good. Sure, you shouldnt have said those things especially to someone you know has a big shiit talking mouth, but you were probably venting and she shouldnt have repeated those things. She could have ruined your relationship with your bro forever. She's not worth it and obviously is not loyal to you.

This is why I dont shiit talk to anyone but DH anymore. Ive been caught like that before and its not fun. When it comes to talking about other people you really cant trust anyone.

PegaLega Posted: May 14, 2008 12:01 PM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by kellybean

I cant really change my relationship with the bridesmaid it is what it is...but I am going down to visit my nieces with my kids in virgina soon...hopefully seeing every one together will help !

IM sure you will be able to smooth that situation over, just sit down with them and ask them if they have ever been so upset or angry that they wanted to scream...and go from there.

Cpt2007 Posted: May 14, 2008 12:04 PM

Re: Need a little advice

Posted by SusiBtoM

Make ammends with your brother and his family.
They are family which is one of the most important things in this world.

As for the BM, now you know that she cannot be trusted not to repeat things.
If you have the opportunity, then let her know what her actions did, that by repeating what you said to her caused tremendous friction between you and your brother.

ITA. not sure I'd consider her a friend after this.