need advice girls

Hmmm this is a tough one. I completely get what you mean about wanting to spend it with your grandpa and mom at home however I think in this case I would go to the BBQ. I think it was nice of the in laws to invite your grandpa and mom---heck I wish mine would do that and make things a bit easier! DH and I try our best to compromise on all holidays and share time with both families. I know that if we didn't go my in laws would be upset and offended and I am not sure I could blame them. I say go for a little while at least and then maybe spend time at home with your grandpa either before or after the BBQ.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this!