Need more advice with my a-hole MOH who's getting 'married' - WHAT A FIASCO!

Some of you may remember me complaining about not wanting to be in my MOHs bridal party bc she was the absolute worst person to me for my wedding, ditched me for my bachelorette 3 hours before it after not even planning it, didn't help for the shower, was basically non-existent.

She's 'marrying' a muslim guy who treats her like garbage. BC of him our relationship has pretty much dwindled, so has her relationship with her family. It's really sad but she's not who she used to be. She asked me to be her MOH before she screwed me over for my wedding and I agreed, since I'm not the type to go back on my word I figured I would follow through. Her wedding is Mem. day wknd. Since she has 2 MOHs I wasn't going to plan her Bachelorette, her niece was taking care of it, but I expected at least an invite....I was invited 3 DAYS BEFORE IT!!! Obviously I didn't go, who the heck does that? My friend knew about her Bach party, I spoke to her 2 days before and she never mentioned it to me. Now I got a txt from her about her rehearsal dinner....a few days before that. I blew up on her saying she obviously doesnt want me included since she keeps letting me know about things at the last minute.

To make a really long story short, this girl always wanted to get married in a church and I was told in confidence by her sister that bc he's muslim, he refuses to have a ceremony in a church so she cancelled the church after the invites went out. Hasnt told the family and will make it seem like the church screwed her over and they can't get married there. Low and behold I get another txt that the church gave her problems her life is in shambles and there isnt going to be a ceremony, just a reception???????????

A reception without a wedding??? Who does that? I told her it's ridiculous, she claimed she got married at city hall.....total bull$hit!!!!

I just found out from her sister that the reason the church won't marry her and the reason city hall won't marry them is bc HE IS ALREADY MARRIED bc he's illegal here!!!!!!!!

She's still going through with the wedding, still hasn't told me the truth, her family is too embarrassed to cancel with everyone so theyre letting the fiasco go on........

Do I even attend??? I can't bring myself to give her a wedding gift when she isn't even having a wedding, just a party!!! Her sis says she's having the reception for the $$$ bc her parents have paid for the whole wedding! I'm in complete shock. WWYD???????

ETA: she even had a bridal shower and I spent $300 on a freaking kitchen-aid....I AM LIVID!! Not to mention $250 on BM dress!!! UGH

That is beyond effed up if he's already married. Do not go. Simple as that. What the hell.

Holy Crap, that is insane, how can someone even go through with a huge lie to everyone. She's not even getting married.

I don't think I would be able to bring myself to go, it would be like your supporting the lie

I read this on my Blackberry and was so that I had to come on and type a response!

I don't know WT F problem this 'friend' has but I think removing yourself from this disaster is the best thing to do. I don't even think 'disaster' is a strong enough word here! What is WRONG with these people???

girls I'm so glad you feel this way.......I was beginning to think I was being a biatch for not wanting to show up! This whole situation makes me want to throw up!

Uh this is shocking!! like beyond shocking! its a whole scam.

I wouldn't give a generous gift at all. if you do go... just get something off the registry so you don't look like an a$$.

I'm disgusted!! this is terrible.

what the heck is sooooo great about this guy that she's even with him.... let alone pretending to marry him???
what is the matter with her?

personally, i wouldn't feel comfortable going.

what did she say when you told her that she 'obviously doesn't want you to go to things since she keeps inviting you last minute'? did she even respond?

that might be the deciding factor on whether or not to go to the sham event.

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Posted by KerriJohnS

Uh this is shocking!! like beyond shocking! its a whole scam.

I wouldn't give a generous gift at all. if you do go... just get something off the registry so you don't look like an a$$.

I'm disgusted!! this is terrible.

what the heck is sooooo great about this guy that she's even with him.... let alone pretending to marry him???
what is the matter with her?

personally, i wouldn't feel comfortable going.

what did she say when you told her that she 'obviously doesn't want you to go to things since she keeps inviting you last minute'? did she even respond?

that might be the deciding factor on whether or not to go to the sham event.

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When I confronted her about excluding me she said that since her family doesn't want to be involved she figured I didn't either bc nobody likes him. That was a BS excuse!!! She basically didn't know what to say to me when I called her out on her crap!

Ugh I am really disgusted with this whole thing, what's worse is that he's gross, he's also a big a$$ jerk! I dunno what the eff is wrong with her. Her family thinks she's brainwashed. I think she's just a freaking desperate lonely idiot!

That is the craziest thing I've heard in a long time. It sounds like a movie!

I honestly don't know what I would do. I cannot imagine not being there for my best friends wedding day but then again I can't imagine her wedding day being as twisted and wrong as what your friend's will be.

I don't think you would be in the wrong at all to not attend. But I would try and tell her why so she doesn't see it as you deserting her. It's pretty much a given that at some point in the future this relationship is going to crash and burn and she more than likely will return to her old self. If you just don't show up you may never speak to her again. I would tell her that you just cannot stand by and watch her make this mistake. Tell her you wish her the best and that in the future if she needs you, you would be willing to try to mend the friendship.

Good luck!

i am in shock.

based on your years of closeness, can you sit her down and try to talk sense into her, one last time?

I dont reallly understand why you have to say...She's 'marrying' a muslim guy who treats her like garbage. Would you have written the same statement that shes 'marrying' a jewish guy who treats her like garbage, or shes 'marrying' a christian guy.....

Any guy can treat a girl like cr@p but the fact that you mention he's muslim kind of says that your implying something. Im only saying this because I actually have 2 friends that are married to muslim guys that have amazing relationships. We go out with the couple all the time. One of the girls converted and shes happy, and the other girl is raising her kids with both faiths, So please dont sterotype!

In addition, she obvioulsy cant get married in a Church, because he's Muslim and the muslim faith dictates that you basically need to have a wedding at the Mosque and theres a certain procedure (similiarly in the jewish faith). So there is no surprise to me there. Your friend is stupid for not discussing this issue with him and sending invites out assuming getting married at the Church was ok. Kind of odd for her to do something like that.

It sounds like your friend is having issues in her relationship which in turn is affecting your friendship. SInce you already spent a lot of money on the kitchen aid and your dress you shouldnt give her a big amount of $ especially with the kind of information her own sister is telling you.... Perhaps a card would suffice.

OMG!!!! this is craziness!! he is already married?!?!?!?! did she know this going into the whole thing??!

that is nuts!! i would still go, but i dont know if i would give her a wedding gift...actually i prob would only cuz i feel bad for her parents who are really the ones getting screwed!!! def wouldnt be as much as i would give if she was umm yeah really getting married.

if i were here i would be soo embarrassed!!! if i were here i would not want to go thru with the party!! knowing the reason they cant really get married was cuz he already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um does he have any plans on getting a divorce from the previous mysterious marraige??

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Posted by luvabul

I dont reallly understand why you have to say...She's 'marrying' a muslim guy who treats her like garbage. Would you have written the same statement that shes 'marrying' a jewish guy who treats her like garbage, or shes 'marrying' a christian guy.....

Any guy can treat a girl like cr@p but the fact that you mention he's muslim kind of says that your implying something. Im only saying this because I actually have 2 friends that are married to muslim guys that have amazing relationships. We go out with the couple all the time. One of the girls converted and shes happy, and the other girl is raising her kids with both faiths, So please dont sterotype!

In addition, she obvioulsy cant get married in a Church, because he's Muslim and the muslim faith dictates that you basically need to have a wedding at the Mosque and theres a certain procedure (similiarly in the jewish faith). So there is no surprise to me there. Your friend is stupid for not discussing this issue with him and sending invites out assuming getting married at the Church was ok. Kind of odd for her to do something like that.

It sounds like your friend is having issues in her relationship which in turn is affecting your friendship. SInce you already spent a lot of money on the kitchen aid and your dress you shouldnt give her a big amount of $ especially with the kind of information her own sister is telling you.... Perhaps a card would suffice.

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sorry i really didn't mean it in any kind of offensive way...just wrote the post very quickly but....

The catholic church marries interfaith couples! They do it all the time, not a catholic mass ceremony but just a ceremony with the vows. they met with the priest, he told them all they need was to do pre-cana for interfaith couples.I'm not stereotyping. The only reason I mentioned he was muslim and she's catholic is to show that they are just from different backgrounds and she tried using that as an excuse that the church gave her problems which is untrue bc I have other friends who married muslim men in a church, guys who are so sweet and they have great relationships as well. I don't mean to imply anything about his background, I know many muslim men/women who are great, good-hearted, etc. This guy in particular is just a jerk and she tries to use his background as an excuse saying that he comes from a strict religious background....sorry for not clarifying that.

It's just amazing to me how much she has changed, it's really sad, she's beyond the point of sitting down and talking to her. She gets soooo defensive it's unreal. I can't believe how some girls can be brainwashed by a guy.

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

OMG!!!! this is craziness!! he is already married?!?!?!?! did she know this going into the whole thing??!

that is nuts!! i would still go, but i dont know if i would give her a wedding gift...actually i prob would only cuz i feel bad for her parents who are really the ones getting screwed!!! def wouldnt be as much as i would give if she was umm yeah really getting married.

if i were here i would be soo embarrassed!!! if i were here i would not want to go thru with the party!! knowing the reason they cant really get married was cuz he already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um does he have any plans on getting a divorce from the previous mysterious marraige??

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he can't get divorced bc he's married so he can stay in the country, he's trying to become a citizen and if he divorces it will cause issues. I don't think he's planning on ever marrying my friend. Her family thinks he's taking her for a ride so he can take the wedding $$$ and dump her afterwards. After all, all they are is boyfriend and girlfriend, there is nothing stopping this guy from walking away the next day.

This is ridiculous. I'd sit down and explain to her why you're no longer going to be part of this ridiculousness.

It would be one thing if you just didn't like him and it would be hard to stand next to her on her big day because of it. And it would be another if she was a wonderful friend to you...

But I think shes shown her true colors and I'd be DONE with this, immediately. Talk to her, if she doesn't get it, run and I mean RUN in the other direction.

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

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Posted by KerriJohnS

Uh this is shocking!! like beyond shocking! its a whole scam.

I wouldn't give a generous gift at all. if you do go... just get something off the registry so you don't look like an a$$.

I'm disgusted!! this is terrible.

what the heck is sooooo great about this guy that she's even with him.... let alone pretending to marry him???
what is the matter with her?

personally, i wouldn't feel comfortable going.

what did she say when you told her that she 'obviously doesn't want you to go to things since she keeps inviting you last minute'? did she even respond?

that might be the deciding factor on whether or not to go to the sham event.

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When I confronted her about excluding me she said that since her family doesn't want to be involved she figured I didn't either bc nobody likes him. That was a BS excuse!!! She basically didn't know what to say to me when I called her out on her crap!

Ugh I am really disgusted with this whole thing, what's worse is that he's gross, he's also a big a$$ jerk! I dunno what the eff is wrong with her. Her family thinks she's brainwashed. I think she's just a freaking desperate lonely idiot!

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You know... now that I think about it... it's almost a BLESSING he is married already and thus they can't be LEGALLY married. The sham marriage is actually better for her. Because hopefully this doesn't work out and it will make the split that much easier!!!

Still is terrible though. A nd the sheer fact that they are ONLY having the reception for GIFTS is terrible!!! THAT'S NOT WHAT A WEDDING OR A MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT!!!!!!!!!!!

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

OMG!!!! this is craziness!! he is already married?!?!?!?! did she know this going into the whole thing??!

that is nuts!! i would still go, but i dont know if i would give her a wedding gift...actually i prob would only cuz i feel bad for her parents who are really the ones getting screwed!!! def wouldnt be as much as i would give if she was umm yeah really getting married.

if i were here i would be soo embarrassed!!! if i were here i would not want to go thru with the party!! knowing the reason they cant really get married was cuz he already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um does he have any plans on getting a divorce from the previous mysterious marraige??

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he can't get divorced bc he's married so he can stay in the country, he's trying to become a citizen and if he divorces it will cause issues. I don't think he's planning on ever marrying my friend. Her family thinks he's taking her for a ride so he can take the wedding $$$ and dump her afterwards. After all, all they are is boyfriend and girlfriend, there is nothing stopping this guy from walking away the next day.

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I'm sooo evil... do you ever think about reporting him?
I mean to go so far as to have a RECEPTION and a FAKE WEDDING with ANOTHER woman when you are supposed to be married ALREADY and trying to gain citizenship is BEYOND wrong. AND it's ILLEGAL!!!! Couldn't he be deported for that shiz??? Do you really want to put an end to it???....... (devil icon here that we were denied to have)

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

OMG!!!! this is craziness!! he is already married?!?!?!?! did she know this going into the whole thing??!

that is nuts!! i would still go, but i dont know if i would give her a wedding gift...actually i prob would only cuz i feel bad for her parents who are really the ones getting screwed!!! def wouldnt be as much as i would give if she was umm yeah really getting married.

if i were here i would be soo embarrassed!!! if i were here i would not want to go thru with the party!! knowing the reason they cant really get married was cuz he already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um does he have any plans on getting a divorce from the previous mysterious marraige??

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he can't get divorced bc he's married so he can stay in the country, he's trying to become a citizen and if he divorces it will cause issues. I don't think he's planning on ever marrying my friend. Her family thinks he's taking her for a ride so he can take the wedding $$$ and dump her afterwards. After all, all they are is boyfriend and girlfriend, there is nothing stopping this guy from walking away the next day.

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I'm sooo evil... do you ever think about reporting him?
I mean to go so far as to have a RECEPTION and a FAKE WEDDING with ANOTHER woman when you are supposed to be married ALREADY and trying to gain citizenship is BEYOND wrong. AND it's ILLEGAL!!!! Couldn't he be deported for that shiz??? Do you really want to put an end to it???....... (devil icon here that we were denied to have)

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Sorry to crash...but I TOTALLY agree with this!!!! If you don't want to do it, give me the information and I'LL call INS on this a$$hole!!! We don't need jerks like this as American citizens!!!!!

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Posted by MikesBride2B

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Posted by KerriJohnS

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Posted by MaggieLuvsJoe

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Posted by LadyDuda81509

OMG!!!! this is craziness!! he is already married?!?!?!?! did she know this going into the whole thing??!

that is nuts!! i would still go, but i dont know if i would give her a wedding gift...actually i prob would only cuz i feel bad for her parents who are really the ones getting screwed!!! def wouldnt be as much as i would give if she was umm yeah really getting married.

if i were here i would be soo embarrassed!!! if i were here i would not want to go thru with the party!! knowing the reason they cant really get married was cuz he already was!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

um does he have any plans on getting a divorce from the previous mysterious marraige??

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he can't get divorced bc he's married so he can stay in the country, he's trying to become a citizen and if he divorces it will cause issues. I don't think he's planning on ever marrying my friend. Her family thinks he's taking her for a ride so he can take the wedding $$$ and dump her afterwards. After all, all they are is boyfriend and girlfriend, there is nothing stopping this guy from walking away the next day.

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I'm sooo evil... do you ever think about reporting him?
I mean to go so far as to have a RECEPTION and a FAKE WEDDING with ANOTHER woman when you are supposed to be married ALREADY and trying to gain citizenship is BEYOND wrong. AND it's ILLEGAL!!!! Couldn't he be deported for that shiz??? Do you really want to put an end to it???....... (devil icon here that we were denied to have)

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Sorry to crash...but I TOTALLY agree with this!!!! If you don't want to do it, give me the information and I'LL call INS on this a$$hole!!! We don't need jerks like this as American citizens!!!!!

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believe me the thought has crossed my mind but my husband and parents told me to stay out of it bc it's her problem. I wish they would deport his a$$!