Need some advice on a very sad thing

AlisonMT Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:00 PM

Need some advice on a very sad thing

Ladies, I don't know what to do. One of my bridesmaids, who announced to us privately at our wedding last month that she was having twins, has just informed us that she has miscarried. I am so devastated for her and want to do something but have no idea what. It's not like I'm going to be able to cheer her up. I can't imagine what she is going through. If anyone has suggestions I would be most grateful. I am so sad.

JennRenee Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:03 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I have never been in your friend's position, so I can't imagine the loss she's feeling.

I think it would be nice if you sent her flowers and an 'I'm thinking of you' type card letting her know that you love her and support her, and are there if and when she wants to talk.

natasha Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:09 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I am so sorry for your friends loss. I agree that flowers and a card are appropriate.

Diane Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:13 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

so sorry for your friend How devastating.
I agree send flowers, or a basket of some things she likes.

Claud2001 Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:27 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Do you live close by to this friend? Why not cook a meal for her and her hubby and drop it off to them? Or maybe just go to see her and spend time w/her. In times like this, when someone (likely) does not feel like talking yet, the best thing might be just a big 'ole hug from a trusted friend.

I am so sorry for your friend's loss

btrflygrl Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:32 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I agree with Claud....some together time seems appropriate...lots of hugs. Offer to do something for her or with her...maybe she'd like to do something to take her mind off it for a few moments...

Scoop Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:38 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I'm sorry to hear the sad news. When my friend miscarried, I sent her flowers with a nice note. She appreciated the gesture.

Cira Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:41 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Our friend miscarried with twins at her 6 month mark. It was devastating. She lived out in Rochester ... so we drove out for the funeral and just spent some time there.

I like Claud's suggestion ... but also just be there for her. If she is around the comfort of her family and friends, or atleast that she is aware that everyone is there for her can be comforting.

I feel so bad for your friend. I can't empathize with how she must feel. She will be in my prayers tonight!

februarybride Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:47 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I'm so sorry for your friends loss. I think flowers and a nice card just letting her and her DH know that you're thinking of them is a very nice gesture. They are in my prayers.

aug9bride Posted: Aug 21, 2003 12:52 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I would just call her up and tell her that if she needs anything or just wants someone to talk to you are always there for her.

Sometimes people like to hear it even though they may not take you up on the offer.

A friend of mine lost her baby and I went over to her house the day she came home from the hospital. We didn't really talk about anything. We just sat on the couch and cried together. That was all she really wanted.

AlisonMT Posted: Aug 21, 2003 01:26 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Unfortunately, she lives in Cincinnati. But I will definitely call and send flowers. Thanks, all. I am just feeling so sad for her.

jennbaby Posted: Aug 21, 2003 01:34 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I am sory about your friend

Sassy Posted: Aug 21, 2003 02:18 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I am so so sorry for your friend
Just be there for her even if it means chatting on the phone to get her mind off of things.
Be there as much as she allows you.
Not an easy positition to be in. She's in my prayers

kmcwed Posted: Aug 21, 2003 07:19 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I'm sorry for your friend. How sad.

I agree with the other posters. A card, flowers, and a nice phone call to let her know you're thinking of her and are there if she needs to talk are all great ideas.

LisaT Posted: Aug 21, 2003 07:37 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Alison, thats heartbreaking

I'm so sorry for them.

bride082003 Posted: Aug 21, 2003 08:46 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I am so sorry for you friend At a time like this, there is nothing much you can say, but you can just let her know that you are there for her should she ever need anything. Sometimes the only thing you can do is just sit by her side to be there and listen. I also agree with the other girls, maybe you can send a nice basket or flowers...I dont know if you think this would be appropriate (right away) but maybe a comforting book for the loss of a baby/miscarriage. It may be something that she wouldnt think to get for herself and may have information in it to help her understand and grieve. I have a family member who lost a child at 5 mos and we NEVER talked about it. Everyone is different.

HeatherandNick Posted: Aug 21, 2003 09:35 PM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

I am so sorry for your friend. I would make up a basket of her favorite things

Alvatorre74 Posted: Aug 22, 2003 08:26 AM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Yes, you should send her some flowers...When I miscarried (twice), no one sent me anything...They acted Like it was NO BIG DEAL...All they said was 'just try again'...But I felt no one understood my pain..So I think you should send something..

AlisonMT Posted: Aug 22, 2003 09:37 AM

Re: Need some advice on a very sad thing

Alvatorre, that is awful. I am so sorry.

I sent some flowers yesterday, they should arrive today. I was going to call her but she sent an email saying that she wasn't ready for calls yet, so I guess I shouldn't...

Thank you all for keeping her in your prayers!!