Need Your Opinions - Updated

wood2be Posted: Apr 03, 2005 11:50 PM

Need Your Opinions - Updated

DH's parents, 2 sisters and their SO's received invitations to a neighbors wedding over a month ago. The wedding is in 2 weeks. The parents of the bride were invited and came to ours in October. (Actually, they invited themselves therefore, making us invite ALL of his parents neighbors.) Today my MIL calls DH to tell him that the parents have now extended the invitation to the two of us. So, I guess we were on the B or C list even though the rest of his family was on the A list. I kind of understand, I wouldn't have done that to any family, but we do live out of state.

I really didn't think anything of it, but my Mom and two of my friends think it is 'disgraceful' and all agreed that we should have declined. Especially since it's two weeks away. DH doesn't think there is anything wrong with it.

I am interested in seeing if what people outside of the family thinks. Any thoughts?

Butterflybride Posted: Apr 04, 2005 12:04 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Gosh...I don't know. I think it is a little rude that you were invited 2 weeks beforehand. Were you given an invitation, or was it just by word of mouth? I know I'd be ticked off, mainly because DH works on the weekends and he'd need to know a lot further than two weeks in advance in order to get off. I think that's the only reason it would bother me though.

wood2be Posted: Apr 04, 2005 12:09 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

It was by word of mouth. The Brides Mother called MIL and asked her to call us. That I think is a little weird, but I think they are anyway

I have the same probelm, I'm the one that works on weekends. However, they are having a Sour Apple Martini Fountain, that I think I might just have to see for myself

shamrock12472 Posted: Apr 04, 2005 09:17 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I would be insulted if it were me especially sine they didn't have the decency to call you themselves and invite you - Your MIL extended the invitation. I would send my regrets and mention that we would have loved to come but can't make arrangements or change commitments on such short notice.

JimmysBride Posted: Apr 04, 2005 09:27 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Two weeks notice by word of mouth??? Kinda rude if you ask me. It almost sounds like maybe your Mom may have hinted at something so they would invite you and DH. I would have declined. I can understand the situation the bride and groom might be in and I wouldn't be mad at them, but I also wouldn't attend and bring or send a gift.

ETA: It also seems like they might just now be scrambling to meet their minimum or just looking for more gifts.

RedHead Posted: Apr 04, 2005 09:29 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I am trying to understand why everyone else was invited originally and you two weren't?

You live OOT?

wood2be Posted: Apr 04, 2005 09:51 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Posted by RedHead

I am trying to understand why everyone else was invited originally and you two weren't?

You live OOT?

So am I. They all live in Massachusetts and still in the same neighborhood. They were all close growing up but because DH moved, he doesn't really keep in touch with the Bride, just her parents. Maybe it's because of me. They hate Yankee fans

RedHead Posted: Apr 04, 2005 10:18 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Posted by wood2be

Posted by RedHead

I am trying to understand why everyone else was invited originally and you two weren't?

You live OOT?

So am I. They all live in Massachusetts and still in the same neighborhood. They were all close growing up but because DH moved, he doesn't really keep in touch with the Bride, just her parents. Maybe it's because of me. They hate Yankee fans

ok 1 just for the Yankee thing i would not go (kidding of course)

So many you were on the B list because you are OOT. Which i guess i understand...So i think the decision should really be up to you DH. He is the one with the relationship with them.
If he feels you two should go...i would go.

Make him make the decision.

wood2be Posted: Apr 04, 2005 10:29 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I am going to leave it up to him. BUT I did tell him that if we go I had to use his card to buy a new dress. What I did not tell him was that somewhere on me, I would have my little Yankee pin

AJsMommy122 Posted: Apr 04, 2005 10:34 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

If anything OOT guests should be on the A list no?? I mean they need time to make arrangements to travel and such.

I would probably be a little offended and since they did ask last min. and you never even got a formal invitation I would say I had a previous engagement and decline.

Kee Posted: Apr 04, 2005 11:14 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I don't understand why people get so offended about being a b or c list invite. It has happened to me and husband a number of times. It is always with people that we aren't really close to, but who would want us to be there if they could. We had some constraints for our wedding and I did invite a few people close to the wedding, not because they weren't important, but because we had to invite the obligatory family members and parent's friends etc. When we were able to include the additional people I truly wanted them to be there and am so glad they came. Sometimes I find younger people more understanding than my mom's friend who would of flipped if she didn't get an invite, but I have only met twice in my life. I'm not trying to stir the pot, but I truly don't think people think of b or c listers as after thoughts.
Anyone agree or am I alone on this one?

wood2be Posted: Apr 04, 2005 11:22 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I do agree and I think people do understand. I did sent my invitations out much earlier than normal so that it wouldn't be so obvious to people that they were on the B list. I honestly didn't think it would be fair to invite people just a couple of weeks before. However, I also made sure that familes were all on the same list.

dpli Posted: Apr 04, 2005 11:45 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I wouldn't spend too much time worrying about this, but my questions with this are:

a.) why you would invite a portion of a family and not the whole family? One of my cousins did this to me when I lived out of town. Whether or not I would have attended (I would have), it was a little insulting to me that my entire family was invited and I was not. I think my aunt didn't mean to hurt my feelings, just thought I wouldn't come and didn't want me feel obligated to send a gift, I guess.

b.) I find it amazing that people have enough nerve to invite themselves to your wedding and then do this. I had a lot of OOT people that declined and I did invite a couple of B listers, but sent a written invitation and communicated with them myself.

shamrock12472 Posted: Apr 04, 2005 12:00 PM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Posted by Kee

I don't understand why people get so offended about being a b or c list invite. It has happened to me and husband a number of times. It is always with people that we aren't really close to, but who would want us to be there if they could. We had some constraints for our wedding and I did invite a few people close to the wedding, not because they weren't important, but because we had to invite the obligatory family members and parent's friends etc. When we were able to include the additional people I truly wanted them to be there and am so glad they came. Sometimes I find younger people more understanding than my mom's friend who would of flipped if she didn't get an invite, but I have only met twice in my life. I'm not trying to stir the pot, but I truly don't think people think of b or c listers as after thoughts.
Anyone agree or am I alone on this one?

I just it would depend on how I am invited. I was invited to a catered anniversary lunch for my 'aunt and uncle' 3 days before the party. I knew that I, along with my sister and brother, that we were ONLY invited because they didn't meet the minimum they guaranteed. The daughter that planned the party also invited me to her wedding on the inside envelop of my mother's invitation...I was 24 and not even living at home. My point being... I guess it all depends on the situation.

RedHead Posted: Apr 04, 2005 01:13 PM

Re: Need Your Opinions

Posted by wood2be

I am going to leave it up to him. BUT I did tell him that if we go I had to use his card to buy a new dress. What I did not tell him was that somewhere on me, I would have my little Yankee pin

LMAO

spoken like a true Yankee girl

wood2be Posted: Apr 04, 2005 01:37 PM

Re: Need Your Opinions

CPAPPAS Posted: Apr 04, 2005 07:01 PM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I say go and have fun with his family...who cares what you are to these people? Have good food and tons of martinis!

tourist Posted: Apr 05, 2005 12:50 PM

Re: Need Your Opinions

We invited someone by word of mouth a few weeks before. I was a total misunderstanding, MIL thought we had invited her, but she never put her on the final list.

She came, but she thought she wa sinvited all along.

mrswask Posted: Apr 06, 2005 12:32 AM

Re: Need Your Opinions

I think it's rude - if the wedding is only two weeks away and the rest of your family was already invited, it's really quite obvious that the two of you were an afterthought. I understand that you are OOT, but I think you still should have been invited - or they should have stuck to their guns with NOT inviting you - not extending an invite two weeks before the wedding so the two of you can help them make minimum!