For Newlyweds Only - Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Jenn04 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 05:29 PM

Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

My mother taught me this lesson when I was younger and wanted to see what you girls thought:

Never put yourself in a situation where you may be tempted. She said 'Jenna you are going to meet people who will try and flirt with you or who may be attractive, or attracted to you but you shouldnt hang around them or put yourself in a situation where you are alone with them. If you put yourself in this situation, it can lead to other things...maybe not a physical affair but an emotional affair. None of this is fair to your significant other and therefore dont even do it. In other words, if someone (male) invites you for drinks after work, etc...dont go. Yes you can sit their and say I would never cheat, yada yada...but again you shouldnt put yourself in the situation'

I have definitely applied this to my life...not only in my relationship but even with shopping...lol! Dont even go to the mall if you dont have the $$$, because you will end up buying something!

Actually I applied this to my last relationship before my husband. Someone I worked with kept inviting me out, etc and I kept sayin no. I just didnt think it was right and didnt want to put myself in the situation. (Even though he was very cute, very nice and a real winner.....complete opposite of my loser ex) One day I come home to find my boyfriend be-friended a girl in the neighborhood and had her over for lunch while I was at work...and went out for drinks with her another time. I told him I would never do that to him and stop hanging with this girl...he said they were just friends and didnt stop hanging with her...I said SEE YA! Easier said than done but I just felt it was wrong and I would never do that to him. There were many other events that led up to that final split...that was the last straw! 3 months later...I met my DH!

Ok just thought I'd share that story and lesson from my mom.

luvabul Posted: Nov 13, 2008 05:37 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

while some days the offers do seem tempting, especially those days i get in to a nasty mean fight with DH!.... i'm a legal assistant and in law school... so i encounter SO MANY MEN.... dressed up in suits, with overwhelming (sometimes good) cologne. that sometimes like you say try to flirt with me, some are HOT, and some are ehhh eww.. but my mother has said the same thing to me. Keep it business, keep it professional...once you take someone up on the offer for drinks after work etc...and its you and him, the third person ends up being the devil, who ultimately tempts you. so i know i wouldnt want DH to do this.... and i apply it to me also. my ex was the same way. he always had so many friends that were 'girls' ... texting him all hours of the night, NOTHING BAD...but it just felt like an emotional affair...

jillyb97 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 06:00 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

I must say that I agree...I used to think that it wasn't a big deal, but now I kinda do...I work with all guys (out of 20 of us there are two females in the group, and the other one has kids in their teens...) and they go out a decent amt...I've gone every so often, but then I think, if dh was the only dude going out with a bunch of girls, would I love that? And I know that my answer is no, maybe that's selfish of me, but it's the truth...

MikeandJess Posted: Nov 13, 2008 06:05 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

your mother sounds like a really smart woman, you're lucky to have her

sophisticat13 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 07:11 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

I think your mother gave you excellent advice... It's true. We are all to a certain extent products of our choices and the minute you make a choice to do something that puts you in a possibly compromising position you might have something to regret afterwards or down the line. You have to 'think before you leap' or something like that...(actually I think it is 'look before you leap'). And it definitely applies to shopping..When I don't have money I don't look at catalogs and I don't go to the mall...if I am hungry I don't go food shopping or I will buy all sorts of junk food ....

Shelleybean11 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 07:26 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

I think your mother is 100% right. You need to nip things in the bud, before they have the possibility of spinning out of control. I also think it is important to put yourself in the situation, how things that DH could do would make you feel, before you do them yourself.

ant n tilde Posted: Nov 13, 2008 07:58 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Your mother is a very smart woman! As someone who had an emotional affair ( before being engaged ) and was lucky enough to still be loved by DH. I LEARNED MY LESSON.

Espo22 Posted: Nov 13, 2008 10:08 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

I do agree with everything you said. Just had to add one exception. First i'll say that I agree you shouldn't put yourself in a situation where you go out alone with a man, especially if you know what his intentions might be. And if you have to hide it then right then and there you know something is wrong. If its a guy friend you have for YEARS and nothing ever happened, never was flirting, your bf/fh/dh knows him and is friends with him too and has no problems with it then fine. Although i will say many times its not the situation.

My exception is something i know a few couples do, and i didn't agree with it and there was one couple in particular that was bad with this. They NEVER went out anywhere without eachother. Now don't get me wrong its nice when a couple wants to spend time together but in all the situations it wasn't about this. The one couple i knew who was horrible with this, never went out without eachother bc they thought their SO would do something the second they were away from eachother. They thought it was wrong if you went out just with friends for dinner, drinks, or any type of situation even shopping. I used to say then why are you together? if you are with someone that you think the moment you are out of their sight that they will cheat on you then maybe you should evaluate your relationship. If the only way a person won't cheat on you is if you have to be up their a** then i think thats wrong. I want somebody that can trust me and somebody that i can trust if they go out. So if somebody avoids temptation by never going out or doing anything then thats the one time i dont agree.

Everything you said though is true.

futuremrsfab Posted: Nov 14, 2008 08:31 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

I think that was a great thing that your mom taught you- in a moment of weakness the strongest relationship could certainly be tempted so she's right, why even go there- it is so not worth it

Jenn04 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 09:22 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Thanks girls....my mom actually taught me this lesson at a very young age and I always followed it. Wellllll maybe not always lol but in my adult years I have. I dont know why I was thinking of it yesterday but just felt the need to share.

Also - Denise - I definitely dont think its healthy to always be together either! If DH wants a boys night...he can go right ahead!!!

Espo22 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 09:25 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Posted by Jenn04

Thanks girls....my mom actually taught me this lesson at a very young age and I always followed it. Wellllll maybe not always lol but in my adult years I have. I dont know why I was thinking of it yesterday but just felt the need to share.

Also - Denise - I definitely dont think its healthy to always be together either! If DH wants a boys night...he can go right ahead!!!

I agree, its healthy to also do things on your own and have your time with friends and family.

yelley77 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 09:59 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Your mommy gave you wonderful advice!

And you are right, everyone should apply that to every aspect of their lives... that works with dieting, shopping, relationships, etc.

My mom has struggled with her weight for many years. She started Jenny Craig again yesterday but she has a problem at night with snacking. I told her to throw the halloween candy out so that she wasn't tempted to snack, but she won't do it... we both know that if it is there she will eat it, as much as she says she won't.

yelley77 Posted: Nov 14, 2008 10:01 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Posted by Espo22

Posted by Jenn04

Thanks girls....my mom actually taught me this lesson at a very young age and I always followed it. Wellllll maybe not always lol but in my adult years I have. I dont know why I was thinking of it yesterday but just felt the need to share.

Also - Denise - I definitely dont think its healthy to always be together either! If DH wants a boys night...he can go right ahead!!!

I agree, its healthy to also do things on your own and have your time with friends and family.

I learned that the hard way with my last relationship....

mariaobride Posted: Nov 14, 2008 10:44 AM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Funny that you mention this because I remember this couple who were speakers for precana giving a whole speech about this. I think a lot of it makes sense and I have seen this happen. Not that it will happen 100% of the time but temptation is out there. I use to go out with other guys during lunch while I was dating dh and really didn't realize until the end. Here I was thinking it was innocent (because I had no attraction) and others in the company were pointing out what I didn't see.

The tables were turned on me one day and there was this person working with my dh that kind of did the same thing. She even invited me out one night for a girls night out and all they did was keep bashing men and made me feel uncomfortable because I was in a relationship. Long story short when I was leaving to go home I thanked her for asking me to come out and she said 'we should do this again this time with John, I will call him to make future plans'. I just found it was weird that she would always call him to make plans. There was a little more to the story but it just didn't settle right. I thought she was so sweet and adorable and I even told dh the whole temptation, emotional, physical attraction etc. and he thought I was crazy. Until we went to precana to hear the speech then it clicked. I guess my point it that there are boundaries for everything.

JennNicole Posted: Nov 14, 2008 01:10 PM

Re: Never put yourself in a situation to be tempted...

Your cute Jenna

So does that mean I shouldn't look on my breeder friends site for more kitties

When a) I have enuf kitties b) We don't have the right now c) my Dh will probably divorce me

ha but they are soo cute how can I resist