Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
princess99
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Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I have been lurking on this board for a few months now, and will be married in 55 days- but hey who is counting..... I need advice and opinions. Fh went to a superbowl party last nite, I never stop him from going to these sporting events- he is a die heart sport fan. While he was at this party, and I was out wth my aunt having a girls nite out, his friend 'bryan' asked him to go to opening day at Shea stadium. This is 2 weeks after we are married. he said yes. When he told me about this last night, part of me got annoyed. Some of his frieds are still single by the way, and this one is. I know I probably am, being paranoid, but was it right of him to say yes and not ask me first? This guy I am afraid is going to do this all season to him... or does Fh need to have the ball$ and say no for any other sport event? Fh is a teacher so he is off till 2 days later. I made sure I was off of work to spend a lot of time with FH, well then he will be DH. Maybe I am just being paranoid because the wedding is getting closer. Help!
Sonicstef
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Sorry but I dont understand the question.
Edited to say: Ok, i reread and I think I understand. Personally I dont think your husband needs to ask your permission to go to a sporting event with his friend. Its not like he is leaving the country or spending a huge amount of money on it. I think you need to expect to spend some time apart when you are married..you will both still have friends that you want to spend time with and having occassion time apart is healthy.
Niecey
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I personally would have no problem with this. It is only one game and it is 2 weeks before the wedding.
I am married and I tell DH all time he never needs to ask me first before making plans to go out with the guys and I encourage him having boys nights. But DH is pretty cognizant of what we have going so there isn't usually any issues. If FI/DH does this all the time and had no regard to other things - then I would have a problem - but a Super bowl and then one game 3 months apart -doesn't sound like a big deal to me.
nrvbrd
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
This would not bother me at all.
My husband LOVES sports, sometimes we go together, sometimes he goes with his friends.
He never asks my permission, he will be kind enough to let me know what he is doing and that is all I ask.
Dh and I spend enough time together, so I do not mind the occasional nights with the boys.
This is one of the things that keeps a relationship spicy, maintaining separate interests and spending time apart occassionally.
ddunne23
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I would not mind at all and I absolutely agree with the others that he need not get permission granted from you to go to a sporting event. Should he give you the common courtesy of telling you his plans...absolutetly. Think of it this way: his sporting event is probably equivalent to you hitting the mall for a couple of hours. Do you ask his permission for that?
As the others have said it is very important to continue to have your own set of interests and friends to avoid becoming so co-dependant on each other that your relationship takes an unhealthy turn. No matter how great your relationship is, I think it is imperative to take some time for yourself every once and a while and be able to go out or make plans with others besides DH. Plus, trust me, you will look forward to those boys nights out where you will have the house to yourself for a couple of hours to run a nice bath and sip on some wine!
Sage10.03
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I wouldn't mind a bit and have to agree with the others when they say that your FH shouldn't need permission to go to a sporting event. You are still going to need time with your friends after your wedding.... Just b/c you get married doesn't mean you have to spend ALL of your time togther....
I do think he should give you the courtesy to tell you his plans....but it sounds like he did do that....way in advance.
I agree with DDunne, you are going to realize that his time with 'the boys' is a welcomed break for you to have some pamper-me time!!!!
Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
all these ladies have given the same advice I would...
just think of it as if your friend got a GC for full spa treatment at Elizabeth arden for 2 and asked you to go with her...would you want to pass that up...just b/c you are married?
Teri
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
DH and I do not ask permission to do these things with our friends, but we think it's courtesy to just give the other a head's up so that they can make other plans if they want, or just to make sure nothing else was already scheduled that day (I'm the social secretary of us )
MrsTC
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I don't understand why he would need to ask your permission?
I could see why you want to spend every weekend with him being newlyweds but it's good to do seperate stuff now and then.
princess99
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Tnanks for the replies. Please do not think I am being so motherly to him. I am not. I let him go to all the sporting events he wants and for a guys nite out, I love to have the house to myself! it is just I wish he had told me b4 he made the plans first, we will be married for 2 weeks then and are not going on our honeymoon till the summer, so I thoought he and I would spend some quality time together since he is off that week cause he is a teacher. Thank u for letting me clear that up.
nrvbrd
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Sorry to sound so harsh, but it is ONE day.
I know all about wanting to spend quality time. When DH and I first got married he worked 2 jobs and took 2 classes, so needless to say we had to fight for quality time. This was during the first 3 months of marriage.
NOW, which would YOU prefer????
shamma
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Posted by princess99
I let him go to all the sporting events he wants and for a guys nite out, it is just I wish he had told me b4 he made the plans first, so I thought he and I would spend some quality time together since he is off that week cause he is a teacher. Thank u for letting me clear that up.
The part about letting him, if you do not get rid of that right way of thinking now you will be one disappointed wife. You are both adults, but I do understand what you mean about checking in first to see if there were any plans etc. It comes with time.
My hubby was infamous for agreeing to things for us or by himself etc, now I hear him say let me check with the wife first before I make any plans b/c I don't know if we have anything planned. He makes his plans and he informs me of them, I do the same. Unless of course he is spending big bucks or flying off to Timbucktu
You have your whole life together, one ball game won't kill ya
PS If you see that this single friend start becoming a problem then that's another story.
wacky
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Wohoo Let go of the reins. Your husband is marrying you and not his MOTHER. I am a football widow of 7 years and I love it. I can get rid of him and enjoy my Sundays.
Lighten up lady and have fun
curly2003
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Posted by shamma
Posted by princess99
I let him go to all the sporting events he wants and for a guys nite out, it is just I wish he had told me b4 he made the plans first, so I thought he and I would spend some quality time together since he is off that week cause he is a teacher. Thank u for letting me clear that up.
The part about letting him, if you do not get rid of that right way of thinking now you will be one disappointed wife. You are both adults, but I do understand what you mean about checking in first to see if there were any plans etc. It comes with time.
My hubby was infamous for agreeing to things for us or by himself etc, now I hear him say let me check with the wife first before I make any plans b/c I don't know if we have anything planned. He makes his plans and he informs me of them, I do the same. Unless of course he is spending big bucks or flying off to Timbucktu
You have your whole life together, one ball game won't kill ya
PS If you see that this single friend start becoming a problem then that's another story.
I agree 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You cleared things up but still say you 'let him go' to other places. Tsk, tsk, tsk.
You are partners in life, remember that.
Becky
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I agree with the excellent advice of the rest of the ladies. If it was the day after your wedding, that would be a different story. You have your whole lives ahead of you. I would only be upset because I would want to go, too
As long as he is not breaking plans that the two of you had on that day, I don't think you should make an issue out of it.
JodiBabe
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I agree with Teri since I keep the social calendar for the 2 of us including his fluctuating work schedule. I just ask for the courtesy of checking our prior commitments before commiting to something else. One day my DH got in the car & told me he was doing a show the day we already had a wedding to go to (in fact it is Princess' wedding) and I had to tell him no you aren't!! I don't ASK permission to do things nor do I expect him to ASK for permission but there are times that if I am making plans to do something I may ask him if he minds if I do it although I do know he'd never tell me he did. I just feel it is common courtesy mostly to just check with the other mostly to be sure we don't have prior commitments or other plans.I think that if you just make plans and then just throw them at the other & say oh btw I'm doing such & such on this day is a little inconsiderate.
But in Princesses case, where she will only be married 2 weeks & still kind of on their HM although not going on one then......If it were me & my DH did that to me I'd be a bit pissed that he didn't consider my feeling & the timing before agreeing to it.
ChristineC68
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Posted by JodiJohn903
But in Princesses case, where she will only be married 2 weeks & still kind of on their HM although not going on one then......If it were me & my DH did that to me I'd be a bit pissed that he didn't consider my feeling & the timing before agreeing to it.
This is pretty much what I was thinking.
If I were in your shoes, I would have appreciated being consulted first.
On any other ordinary dayI don't even think it would be an issue, other then courtesy and confirmation that there are no conflicting plans.
2UNTAMED
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
DH and I made an agreement along time ago about this very subject.
We made the following agreement.....That he can go out w/ his friends anytime.... As long, as it does NOT fall on a HOLIDAY, A BIRTHDAY, OR FAIMILY FUNCTION, AND, that I would appreciate him letting me know ahead of time, so that I have the oppourtunity to make plans myself to go out with my friends, if I choose to, and not sit home. However, he has learned to ' ASK' instead of 'TELLING' me, which is more respectfull, because he knows I will Always say 'YES' anyway, unless we had a previous engagement. He's happy, and I'm happy, Especially, when I did it to him, a few times and he didn't like staying home, because I would tell him two hours before I would go out ....He realized it was not so nice.
Be happy he is giving you advance notice. Men will always be boys at heart, and feel the need to be around their friends. It would be diffenent if he waited after your wedding day and told you the week before. Try the above a few times, and he will get the idea.... ;-
kmcwed
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
I'm not sure how I would feel about this. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but they will only be married for two weeks. What if she had something else planned for them? After all, she took off time from work so they could be together.
I don't think it's an issue of 'letting' each other do things, or asking for 'permission'. I think it's more an issue of having the courtesy to consult with your spouse before you make plans that don't include them--especially so soon after the wedding.
In my marriage, it goes like this...
DH: 'Honey, would you mind if I went to the game with Bryan on Saturday?'
Me: 'Sure, no problem.'
Or...
Me: 'Would you mind if I spent this weekend out at my mothers?'
DH: 'Sure, no problem.'
It's a simple demonstration of respect and consideration.
Just my 2 cents.
nrvbrd
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Re: Newlywed question, I will be one in 55 days.... Am I being too touchy?
Posted by JodiJohn903
But in Princesses case, where she will only be married 2 weeks & still kind of on their HM although not going on one then......If it were me & my DH did that to me I'd be a bit pissed that he didn't consider my feeling & the timing before agreeing to it.
I still have the same opinion. It is only 1 friggin day. Honeymoon or not after 2 weeks of being with someone 24/7 would you NOT want a little break?
ETA: He will be at a game , he will be gone for a few hours, if the game is in the daytime, they can GTG during the evening.
