Newlywed vent (sorta)

DH was telling me this weekend a few people were telling him not to rush into having kids, to take our time and travel and be with each other yadda yadda yadda. I understand that they know from experience and kids do change everything... but these are couples that didn't live together before they got married. We lived together over 2 years before we got married. So now im just worried that he's going to want to wait even longer before TTC.

We were probably going to wait about a year/year and a half... but now i don't know if he wants to wait longer... (i guess ill ask him). But i just wish people would keep their 'advice' to themselves sometimes. We've already thought it through.... we're not impulsive people. *sigh* I just dislike those know it alls that think they know whats best for you, even though they mean well.

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I totally agree, people have done this to us, and I think it is rude. Everyones situation is different and it is your life. we are TTC right now and too bad on these people. We have also been living together for 2 years and knew each other oiver 4 years when we got married.

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I agree with you and I didn't know what DH wanted to do since he's 3 yrs younger than me. But he told me he's sure he wants to start trying in 1/2005

However just because your DH's friends tell him not to have kids soon doesn't mean he'll listen to them. I wouldn't be too concerned but I would talk about it w/ him first too.

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I think it will all work out. I mean you are far were persuasive as his wife then outsiders are, i think when the time is right you will both know it. you never know what a year will bring he may wake up with baby fever lol. good luck i hope it works out for now i would sweat it.

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I think you will just know when the time is right for you. My brother and his wife were married in September and she's already 3 months pregnant. On the other hand, DH and I were just married in February and know we want a few years on our own. We lived in separate countries for over a year before we got married, so we want to have some time just the two of us.

Actually right now DH is saying we'll have kids in 8 years!!! But I know and he knows that he can't really visualize himself doing these 'grown up things' like having children, so he mentally puts it off. But when it's the right time he'll just change his mind and he'll be totally okay about it. It was just like getting married...he kept saying 'in 2 years' but then when we started talking about it, it was just very natural and he was so very sure of his decision and that it was the right time.

It'll work out! I wouldn't worry too much about it, or put too much pressure on him--that might make the situation worse. When it comes down to it, it's a decision to be made by you and DH, not everyone else!

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

Don't worry. I'm sure he might even hear the 'when are you having kids?' just as much. If you've discussed this before then what you & him have said sticks!!

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I get the same thing from EVERYONE and while we are waiting till we have our own space....we'd like to travel at least for our 1 yr, but as things change, I'm sure our outlook will change too. We are still adjusting to married life and I'd love to have a child soon, but whatever we feel is best for us we shall choose to do

Re: Newlywed vent (sorta)

I think TTC is a huge part of a couples life after they get married. However, I've learned from experience that when someone shares advice with you, it's not b/c they are trying to put a spoke in your wheel, they are telling you the truth or what the majority of people they know are going through.

I've now learned not to get offended when someone tells me reality. I've been married almost 4 years now and during this time I've learned a lot about life in a good way. My hubby and I waited to TTC until recently, but I'm so thankful that we took time! Children are a blessing and beautiful, but it's WORK! My SIL and BIL had their baby right away and now they are complaining about not really having together time and how when you have a baby how much your life changes and everything is about the baby! They didn't need to explain that to me b/c I KNOW this which is why we waited.

Basically, if you want to TTC soon after you get married, it's really up to you and your husband and it's really no one's business. But all I'm telling you is sometimes instead of getting offended or upset at people's remarks -listen - it could just be that they are sharing advice that makes sense and they care about the well being of your marriage. As new brides we all tend to want everything to always be sweet and syrupy, but we live in a world where we at some point have to deal with reality.

Have a great day ladies.