Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

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Posted by suven

I haven't gotten around to changing it legally. But, on everything 'personal', I use his last name. Which, is becomming a pain because when we receive checks as gifts, he still has to sign everything.

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I haven't changed mine yet...I made my bank account my name maiden-his last name, so I can deposit checks made out to either.

I do get questions--it's been a matter of me not having time, though I suppose I could make the time to run around changing it...Whenever I get a day off I don't want to spend it doing that My secretary did my travel schedule for a conference and said, 'You're going to have a problem since it is made in your MAIDEN name....Why are you waiting so long?' To me it's like the when are you having kids question--none of their business...

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

It's actually fine with my family - they were like 'You don't have to!' when I said I was thinking I wouldn't. His dad doesn't quite understand - he thinks hypenated names are silly - but he couldn't give a better answer than 'it's tradition.' When I said I was published he relented (although I told them I was hypenating - I haven't yet told them I don't really plan on changing it at all). DH's mom moved her maiden to her middle, so she understands where I'm coming from. She was the only surviving daughter of Holocaust survivors, so it was a big deal to her. She wanted to give her last name to her sons as a middle name as well, but my FIL vetoed that. We might give it to our kids.

DH doesn't want me to change my name at all. 'What are you, an appendage of me?!' But he does want the kids to have his last name, which I'm fine with.

I'm the primary employee for our health plan, so my DH got some medicine from the mail order phamacy with his first and MY last name on it, which was funny.

Basically, people will just have to deal. Know that a lot of people will assume things, and it's your choice whether or not to correct them.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I did not change my last name. We get mail addressed to us every which way. Its kinda funny. We did not tell his Mother or sister that I have not changed my last name we didn't want to deal with the drama. One or 2 of my friends asked my why I was not changing it. I really have not had any neg feedback about it. Its none of their business anyway.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I thought a lot about this before getting married and even asked opinions from my friends who didn't change their names. I decided not to for several reasons, and am happy with that choice (and DH is fine with it too.) It is interesting and amusing to me most of the time what comments I get and what mail comes in. It seems that most of the people I respect and care about just accept it and address mail to me in my maiden name. One of my male family members said to my DH before the wedding, 'Oh man, that would be a deal breaker for me...' This cracked me up because my reaction was 1.) Well, you are not the one marrying me and 2.) why do you assume it is not a deal breaker for ME??? Another family member said, 'GOD, I hope you are not hyphenating.' Why is that so important to her?

I crack up when we get things from people I KNOW are informed that I have not changed my name, but insist on addressing things to Mr. & Mrs. anyway, because somehow it completely turns their world upside down to change their way of thinking about it. I think the best thing a friend said to me about it is, 'When people call me Mrs. ___, I consider it an honorary title, like 'Queen'. And when telemarketers call my house and ask for Mrs. ____, I can honestly say there is no one here by that name.'

I think if people want to change their name to maintain tradition and so that the whole family has one name that is fantastic, if it is the right choice for them. For me, it just didn't feel right, so I kept it. I also wonder why people are so concerned about children I don't have yet and what they will be named. They are probably the same people who will ask me when I plan to start trying to get pregnant.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I haven't changed mine yet, but since I'm PG, I'll be changing it before the baby is born. I want us all to have the same last name.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I am not changing my name. No one has said anything to me. DH does not care at all. However, everybody but one person addresses my christmas cards using DH's last name.

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Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

i have not changed my name and i really don't feel like it. i sign some stuff with his last name just to make it less of a hassle but that is the extent of it. everyone a$$umes i changed it and calls me Mrs K. i don't waste my time with an explanation because it is none of their business.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

No, no comments - in fact, I think people (esp. those in my profession) would have been surprised if I had changed my name.

But, like many others who have responded, we often get mail addressed to Mr. & Mrs. Hislastname, which does kind of annoy me, esp. when it's from friends of his who are our age and are being lazy (i.e., they can't remember my last name). On the other hand, we just got a card from a friend of mine addressed to Myfirstname and Hisfirstname Mylastname, so maybe it will all even out in the end!

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I decided to hyphenate, which DH had no problem with (in fact, he expected me to keep my name and not take his at all). DH's family also had no issues and never questioned me about my reasoning. Whereas my parents refuse to refer to me as Tracy ****-*******. It's annoying and I'm surprised that they have reacted the way they did.

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I had sort of not wanted to change my name. At first, DH seemed a little sad, but he understands. So I had told him that I would only change my name if he would as well - so we both hyphenated (he liked the idea of us having the same last name (and he's wonderful! .)) So, yes, we have gotten comments - most of his softball friends tell him he is a wuss for doing it, most of the women we tell think he is so cool. My brother's first reaction was 'No you aren't, are you?' and his sister wanted to know if she really had to use both because it would mess up her christmas card labels (in fact, a lot of people wanted to know that.) It does bother me when we get stuff addressed just to Mr & Mrs DH last name. I even tried making sure people were aware by sending out our moving cards with the whole name, but I guess some people just think it's silly so they don't want to bother. Our immediate family and our friends usually use it (even if they complain a little) but still a lot of other family doesn't, and it does bother me, but what can you do?

Re: Newlyweds who did not change their last name?

I hyphenated, that way I can use either name so far I have had no problems and no one has asked any questions. Professional I still use my maiden name because of the different licenses I hold.