Not something I ever wanted to post... (long)

But due to circumstances beyond my control, and the Big Guy upstairs, I am unfortunately writing this. Before I start, I would just like to thank MichelleW and JennRenee, for the wonderful support and kind words and thoughts. It's amazing how much support you girls can give, especially when we either just met or haven't formally met at all! I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Now, on to my news. After undergoing 3 sonograms, I found out that I had a miscarriage last week. I was supposed to be 9 weeks, but unfortunately the baby stopped growing at almost 7 weeks. So, I had to have surgery on Thursday and last week was a TOTAL nightmare for me. I always felt for anybody who had to go through this, but I now can feel their pain and I wish that nobody would ever have to go through this again, but I know I'm not the first and will not be the last (unfortunately). My head knows all the logical things: it wasn't my fault, there's nothing I did/didn't do, it's nature, something would have been wrong, blah blah blah. But my heart knows a different story. The one where all our dreams went out the window and instead of thinking of all the things we would've done, there's a blank. And another setback. My clock is ticking and it scares the crap out of me, but the dr says not to worry.

The ironic thing is that I didn't want to tell ANYBODY until after the first trimester, which would have been, appropriate enough, around my anniversary. So I had this big dinner planned for our families where we would have announced the big news, well that went out the window when the dr's office called my mother's house by accident (they forgot to put my new info in the computer) and my mother and sister (Scoop and Scoop Jr) started speculating about whether I was or wasn't. And when my sister confronted me about it and said she would know by me not drinking at our parent's 40th anniversary party, I had to tell her. And since I told her (and I wasn't ecstatic, I was pissed), Joe told me we had to tell our mothers, which we did after my parent's party. So now they are all happy and my biggest fear came true -- having to tell them that I just turned their worlds upside down and see the disappointment written all over their faces. That killed me because even though I know they were devasted, nobody is more then me.

I knew I loved Joe more then anything before this, but that love has grown deeper and stronger since this because he has been there for me and with me and I know it isn't easy for him either, but he hurts more for me and what I'm going through.

I'll stop now because I can't see what I'm typing. I just wanted to say thank you for listening and being the support I need.

OMG Michelle ... I'm in tears and I totally feel for you! I will never truly know what you are feeling, but I do know that my friend went through this recently too and you replied so genuinely to my post.
I have no answers only questions. But I do have my support, thoughts, tears and prays to share with you. You are in my heart and I hope that God blesses you and Joe! I am so very sorry!

bearsbabe
I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage.
I can only imagine, how heart breaking that must be.
MichelleW is a sure symbol of power, strength and courage, as is JennRenee. They have been awesome to me, and I know you will be the same, a symbol of strength.
I also posted about my abnormal pap smear. I was very embarrased at first, but then, I was so glad I did. These ladies are just incredible. I feel we are like a family. Even though we have never met, I feel I know some of these wonderful ladies. They made me feel so at ease.
Just know I am here for you also. If you ever want to chat, email me.

Sweetie I will keep you and your hubby in my prayers. I know its easier said than done...but nothing happens before the time, in time God will bless you with your bundle of joy. I wish you all the best. Take care of yourself and try not to look at the past, look to the future b/c you cannot undo what has already been done. I wish you all the best.

We are always here to listen...never too busy

Debbie, you know I am always here for you, no matter what. Your post just had tears running down my cheeks faster than I could wipe them away.
Be strong... even though I know it's hard.
Like Jennbaby said, we are like a family, and we are all here for you, day or night.
XXX's and OOO's to you and Joe.

Debbie, I don't even know where to begin...
I am so sorry that this has happened to you and your husband. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers, as well as your families. Although I do not know exactly what you are going through, I have complete sympathy and compassion for you.
From the most difficult trials in our lives, sometimes grows the most wonderful blessings.
Try to be strong and remember that God always has a Plan B.
You will remain in my thoughts...

bearsbabe,

I can't imagine what you are going through -- but there are lots of good thoughts, prayers, and support here for you.
Take things one step at a time. It will be difficult for awhile. It's wonderful that your husband has been such a wonderful support -- you have to go through this physically but you both will go through it emotionally. Use your love and strength as husband and wife to get through it.

I'm not really sure the right words to say, but you and your DH are in my thoughts, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Nina

I'm leaving work now, but I just wanted to say thank you very much to each and everyone of you for all your kind words, thoughts and wishes. You girls are truly amazing and are a great support to me (and Joe too, although he's still not getting the whole liweddings thing). I know as each day comes and goes, it will get better, but knowing there's a net beneath me (all of you) is a great source of strength.

Have a good night.

I am so sorry to hear about your news. I am so glad you and your husband have each other to lean on. This will make the two of you stronger and bring you closer together.

Take care of yourself!!!

see bearsbabe, already you are showing signs of strength like i knew you would.
i sent you forum mail.
jennifer

I'm so very sorry, Debbie. I know it is a difficult time for you and Joe.

I hope that everyone's words are a source of comfort for you. This forum is truly a blessing for many of us!

God bless all of you.