OH MY LORDY!!!!!!!!

This is a crazy and TRUE story. This professor from Canada has been into S&M and has been going to sex clubs etc... for over 25yrs and his wife never knew about it!! Read this story:

S&M FREAK!!!

This begs the question - how well do you really know DH?

He's comparing S&M to TURKEY ?????

Strange....
If I ever found out DH was into that, he'd have the high heel stuck up you know what. when he gets the boot out the door.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

He's comparing S&M to TURKEY ?????

Strange....
If I ever found out DH was into that, he'd have the high heel stuck up you know what. when he gets the boot out the door.

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susi I LOVE you You and I would be in cells next door.

I have to say I know DH VERY well..a little too well. Sometimes I wish we had more secrets in our relationship but the man is so SICKENINGLY honest with me about EVERYTHING and I am like 'DUUDE! Some boundaries! let me figure some of it out on my own!'

But nah. He doesnt like that kind of thing. he will amke jokes but not his thing. Even with pornos, he gets very concerned about the girls lmao so he can't watch it becayse ALWAYS turns into discussions about what a messed up industry it is.

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Posted by EverlovingEv

crazy right???? I'd think I'd se some signs of this if I'm married to a man for 25+yrs.

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Some people hide it well-reminds me of that Oprah episode about 'down low' which was the black gay male community-men who live their lives married, with kids and living respectable lives because being a gay male among the majority of black communities is SO frowned upon-it was one of the reasons given in the show for the rise of veneral disease in their community.

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I've seen a few of those shows and so many of the women dont' trust their intuition and that's what drags out this whole mess even longer. You can't hide something like this 100% of the time, you just can't. You live with this person, you see things, hear things etc.... No one is that good in hiding a life that they're actively living. I think that we see what we want to see and if you trully don't want to think that your husband is gay, into S&M or whatever - I think it's much easeri to just ignore the signs and not confront him about it.

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True but in some cases its soo subtle so you really can't judge so black and white or so harshly.

Take my first b/f for example. Always gettign hit on by gay men, and his own MOMMA thought he was gay. But he wasn't. He was just one of the original metrosexuals. The things he did were soo subtle and then straight men galore started doing it. I still tend to think he is in the closet despite havign a kid, because he used to set off my gaydar, btu I could never call him on it because no proof. Ok so he spent ALOT of time on his hair and dressed REALLY well..not enough to label him gay.

i think that is what happens to a lot of women-there are these subtle signs but its not 'proof' and they dont want to risk their marriage by pulling out that card because so man men are SEVERLEY homphobic, that if they are NOT gay, it would be like the ultimate insult.

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by EverlovingEv

I've seen a few of those shows and so many of the women dont' trust their intuition and that's what drags out this whole mess even longer. You can't hide something like this 100% of the time, you just can't. You live with this person, you see things, hear things etc.... No one is that good in hiding a life that they're actively living. I think that we see what we want to see and if you trully don't want to think that your husband is gay, into S&M or whatever - I think it's much easeri to just ignore the signs and not confront him about it.

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True but in some cases its soo subtle so you really can't judge so black and white or so harshly.

Take my first b/f for example. Always gettign hit on by gay men, and his own MOMMA thought he was gay. But he wasn't. He was just one of the original metrosexuals. The things he did were soo subtle and then straight men galore started doing it. I still tend to think he is in the closet despite havign a kid, because he used to set off my gaydar, btu I could never call him on it because no proof. Ok so he spent ALOT of time on his hair and dressed REALLY well..not enough to label him gay.

i think that is what happens to a lot of women-there are these subtle signs but its not 'proof' and they dont want to risk their marriage by pulling out that card because so man men are SEVERLEY homphobic, that if they are NOT gay, it would be like the ultimate insult.

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You're right but I''m a big believer in telling it like it is and not beating around the bush. For instance, if we dont like DH not picking up his clothes, not putting the seat down, being aggressive, harsh or having whatever other personality characteristic that we dont like - we call him out on it. I would think that if saw signs of my DH acting 'differently' and I didn't like it - I would ask him. There is no reason in pretending I dont' see it and have me blow up at him for it at some random time. There is a nice way to ask a man about his behavior and sometimes the guy really does want to tell his wife and just need her to ask. Sometimes just asking makes him open up.

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Posted by PeteysBride

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Posted by SusiBtoM

He's comparing S&M to TURKEY ?????

Strange....
If I ever found out DH was into that, he'd have the high heel stuck up you know what. when he gets the boot out the door.

---

susi I LOVE you You and I would be in cells next door.

I have to say I know DH VERY well..a little too well. Sometimes I wish we had more secrets in our relationship but the man is so SICKENINGLY honest with me about EVERYTHING and I am like 'DUUDE! Some boundaries! let me figure some of it out on my own!'

But nah. He doesnt like that kind of thing. he will amke jokes but not his thing. Even with pornos, he gets very concerned about the girls lmao so he can't watch it becayse ALWAYS turns into discussions about what a messed up industry it is.

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We're big on communication.
We had a long discussion a couple of years ago after we found out one of his cousins cheated on his wife. Basically it was a cry out on his behalf for affection and communication. Long story short, they worked it out thru counseling and are still together.
I told Mike that if he ever cheated on me, there would be no second chance. He would be out of my life in a heartbeat. I've been hurt inthe past, both physically and mentally, and will not subject myself to that ever again.
Besides, my brother-in-law is a divorce attorney, so DH would be screwed..............

Which I agree works for many people, Ev. if it were me, i would just ask Pete (my DH) but just as many people are just quiet people and not as upfront as I am-not because they are bad people. Just their personality.

Its not beating around the bush if you're naturally oblivious or if you think its 'mainstream' behavior, like if he's gelling his hair.Ppeople used to think a man using hair gel or wearing more than one earring meant he was gay and now it is just fashion. My Dh has both ears pierced and is more macho than most men I know. he gels his hair and then goes out to fix our car or shoot at the range.

Thats my point. Some of these women I am like HOLY HELL lady! You didnt know? Like the Governors wife. Those guys are just out there so if you dont suspect, its for some ulterior motive.

But if your guy is just doing things that could be rationalized away, WHY would you ask?

Thats insain!!

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Posted by PeteysBride

Which I agree works for many people, Ev, but just as many are just quiet. Its not beating around the bush if you're naturally oblivious or if you think its 'mainstream' behavior, like if he's gelling his hair.Ppeople used to think a man using hair gel or wearing more than one earring meant he was gay and now it is just fashion. My Dh has both ears pierced and is more macho than most men I know. he gels his hair and then goes out to fix our car or shoot at the range.

Thats my point. Some of these women I am like HOLY HELL lady! You didnt know? Like the Governors wife. Those guys are just out there so if you dont suspect, its for some ulterior motive.

But if your guy is just doing things that could be rationalized away, WHY would you ask?

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Here is my take on it: I consider myself an educated, logical and rational person. Therefore, if I see something that I don't like in a close friend, family member or DH and I feel that this is something that I need clarification on - I will ask. I like to talk about things when they first present themselves and not be thinking about it for days, months, years etc... and then have it be too much for me to handle and just blow up at someone.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

He's comparing S&M to TURKEY ?????

Strange....
If I ever found out DH was into that, he'd have the high heel stuck up you know what. when he gets the boot out the door.

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Hey he might like that

But I definitely agree

HOLY CRAP!!

First off, comparing S&M to turkey is out of this world hilarious!!


Secondly, I think if he takes enough trip to NY that he's 'addicted' to S&M, don't you think his wife would wonder why she's never invited on any of his trips??