I have changed my name on here, I use to be a big poster before the wedding......Please help me out. I am coming to my six month anniversary and am completely dreadful. With all the stress around me I have put weight on before and after the wedding. My husband has now admitted to me that he is unattracted to me and that i need to lose weight. I have tried to lose weight but somehow am not feeling motivated enough as I find myself going back to the food to comfort me. My husband does not believe in divorce, and actual wants a child now, but I know that I couldnt have a child until I feel that we are truely in love and we are far away from that right now.. I am so scared right now because I dont know what im suppose to do, and dont know how I could go through a lifetime of this....
sophie78
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Member since
Re: Please help me out
Posted by nov04LIbride
Posted by am470 Counseling seems like the best option as well as losing weight. But having a child would be the worst solution!!
See, I don't think losing weight will solve anything. If you want to lose weight FOR YOU, by all means do it, but there is something very, very wrong if his love is not unconditional and comes with these requirements you have to meet. He may be willing to have a miserable marriage to avoid a divorce, but you deserve to be happy and to have someone who will love you regardless of your weight. Get to counseling ASAP!
I disagree. Relationships are conditional. You have to set boundaries with what you are comfortable with.
Do you stay in an abusive relationship? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who is a drug addict? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who cheats on you? Obviously, these are extreme examples.
I would hope that her husband's love is not based on her weight. He should respect her and believe she is worthy of his love regardless of how much she weighs. However, weight affects a marriage in many ways. It can adds stress emotionally, bad for the person's health, affects sexual relationship. Those consequences may be too much for the husband. He may have limits.
nov04LIbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please help me out
Posted by am470 I disagree. Relationships are conditional. You have to set boundaries with what you are comfortable with.
Do you stay in an abusive relationship? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who is a drug addict? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who cheats on you? Obviously, these are extreme examples.
I would hope that her husband's love is not based on her weight. He should respect her and believe she is worthy of his love regardless of how much she weighs. However, weight affects a marriage in many ways. It can adds stress emotionally, bad for the person's health, affects sexual relationship. Those consequences may be too much for the husband. He may have limits.
I don't know. I don't agree. I know I would physically want my husband even if he gained 50 lbs. That said, we are both in good shape so I suppose without having dated a truly obese person I can't really comment. But, if he ever said he was not attracted to me and did not want to have sex, I would be so incredibly hurt. It would be like physically slapping me in the face. It just doesn't sound like all the requirements of a good, solid marriage are there. It sounds like there is much to work on, from respecting each other to the communication styles. I wouldn't compare putting on weight to someone becoming a drug addict, cheater, or physically abusive, but that is JMO. Yes, we have limits, but if his is putting on weight (and how much weight are we talking about? 15 lbs? 50 lbs?), I would not be able to deal with that. No one really knows what goes on in anyone else's marriage, but from what you have said, I would get to a counselor with him as soon as I could.
sophie78
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please help me out
Posted by nov04LIbride
Posted by am470 I disagree. Relationships are conditional. You have to set boundaries with what you are comfortable with.
Do you stay in an abusive relationship? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who is a drug addict? Do you stay in a relationship with someone who cheats on you? Obviously, these are extreme examples.
I would hope that her husband's love is not based on her weight. He should respect her and believe she is worthy of his love regardless of how much she weighs. However, weight affects a marriage in many ways. It can adds stress emotionally, bad for the person's health, affects sexual relationship. Those consequences may be too much for the husband. He may have limits.
I don't know. I don't agree. I know I would physically want my husband even if he gained 50 lbs. That said, we are both in good shape so I suppose without having dated a truly obese person I can't really comment. But, if he ever said he was not attracted to me and did not want to have sex, I would be so incredibly hurt. It would be like physically slapping me in the face. It just doesn't sound like all the requirements of a good, solid marriage are there. It sounds like there is much to work on, from respecting each other to the communication styles. I wouldn't compare putting on weight to someone becoming a drug addict, cheater, or physically abusive, but that is JMO. Yes, we have limits, but if his is putting on weight (and how much weight are we talking about? 15 lbs? 50 lbs?), I would not be able to deal with that. No one really knows what goes on in anyone else's marriage, but from what you have said, I would get to a counselor with him as soon as I could.
I wasn't comparing gaining weight to those things. I was just saying that relationships are conditional and those are examples. However, being obese is actually more dangerous healthwise than smoking your entire life! But that is just a random fact. The reality is that the weight is probably not the real issue here. Its just the one that is getting all the attention. The real problem is what is underneath the weight.
nov04LIbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please help me out
I don't want to start a big thing, but it's like is the weight a result of the stresses of the marriage and a relationship, or is the stress of the marriage a result of the weight? That's one of the main questions here. I gain weight when I am depressed....
palebride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Please help me out
I think you need to talk this over....losing wiehg twill not solve the problem...becasue you will always fear him leaving if you gain wieght back. When you get pregnant, you will certainly gain weight...how will he feel then? I'm sure there are other issues here...but you are presenting the weight as the biggest one.....of course you can't lose the weight under those circumstances!!! You have been made to feel that your weight is ruining your marriage.....no one needs that kind of pressure. I think counselling would be the best place for the two of you to go!
And this is coming from someone who lost about 40 pounds for the wedding...and gained it allllll back after the wedding - I understand your pain!!!
