Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Alex and I have been married for a little over 2 months now, things have been great, we are happy. We both see our friends , not as often as we would like to, we have responsibilities more so then when we were engaged. ( Mortgage, student loan bills, etc.) . We never hold each other back from seeing friends. I have this one friend, 'Monica' who is a bit older then me and single, and she always calls me at the last minute to get together, and does not understand I can no longer go out at the drop of a hat anymore- she tends to call me in the car on the way home from work to ask me to go out to dinner, etc. I explain to her I am in the middle of cooking etc, and I cannot go , but would love to meet her for coffee, or if she wants to come over . She had the nerve to call me before and scream at me that I do not make time for her. This is not true. I am a newly married wife! Am I doing anything wrong here?

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

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! Am I doing anything wrong here?

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NOT AT ALL!!!!!!!


Just tell her that plans need to be made ahead of time say a week not an hour!

THAT IS THE WAY IT MUST BE!!!!!!!!!

You & your husband have schedules that that combine as one and you can't just drop what you are doing ANYTIME!

BTW, Thought this was gonna be about Diann.....LOL

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Your not wrong. Sometimes its hard for people to understand that things change. And being she is single, she is not used to it and may be a bit jealous. Call her and make plans to go out so you can discuss whats going on and try to explain to her that things are different now. Maybe if you point it out to her she'll understand!!

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Don't let other SINGLE people make you feel guilty for being happy & having a life with you husband! They are just JEALOUS !

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

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Posted by Boop2704

Your not wrong. Sometimes its hard for people to understand that things change. And being she is single, she is not used to it and may be a bit jealous. Call her and make plans to go out so you can discuss whats going on and try to explain to her that things are different now. Maybe if you point it out to her she'll understand!!

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Ditto

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Im guilty of doing that to my sister when she got married..I couldnt unerstand why things changed...she explained it to me and I finally got it..now that Im married..i have a girlfriend who does it to me..my problem was that I tried to still jumped when she said jump ..but then I was getting resentful..so just talk it out with her...if she doesnt get it, she finally will when SHE gets married!!! Maybe just explain to her that you have alot of commiments and that you woudl LOVE to hang out..but that you just need alittle notice is all!!!

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

You are not wrong at all...try calling her to make plans first. At least then, she will feel as if you are making an effort.

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Are you asking her to do things? I don't think you should drop things last minute for her. But if she is the only one ever asking you to hang out, then I can see her point (to an extent). Try making plans with her in advance and then when you are out, tell her how much you enjoy hanging out with her and make plans to do it again in a week or two...she'll realize that you do value the relationship. She is probably just a little jealous that your new husband is taking priority in your life. Which he should, but if she is single, I can see her not understanding.

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

I have this issue too. Any change even if its good change is hard for people. Reassure her you love her, but that you just need time to plan ahead now that your responsibilities/life have changed.

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

I have asked her plenty to do things. I have even asked her to come over and she complains I have too m any steps! We own a high ranch. This is the same girl that when she had heart surgery I did her laundry and went food shopping for her. When she got out of the hospital I did her errands for her. This is the type of person I am. She always complains when someone calls on her cell phone when they are driving and she does this to me all the time. She did it tonite. I called her back after dinner and got her machine.( Mind you I called her back at 7ish) . When I also explained to her I get up at 5:30 every morning she told me she is more tired because she gets up at 5:10 in the morning. She is 48 years old, I am 33 . She has never been married . I am sorry I am just venting here her latest. Thank you all for sticking up for me. None of my other friends ever complain they never see me. I was trying to be a good friend to her, but begining ti think she is jealous and she is one sided, her side.

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

Princess,

I NEVER see you!!!! Last 2 times I have seen you were your wedding & my wedding!

WHINE, WHINE, WHINE!

YOU DON'T LOVE ME ANYMORE!

Re: Possible dilema with a friend..... Newlywed related....

I don't think that has anything to do with being a newlywed. Even if you were single I would say that your friend is not showing you common courtesy. No one should assume that someone is available at their whim at the drop of a hat. If she really wanted to see you she would think to call you to make plans instead of calling when she has a little free time to throw your way.

Don't feel bad. You have already done what you should have - offered to choose a mutually convenient time for coffee or dinner.