How many newlyweds are being pressure to have a baby. Lately, my dh is pressuring me to have a baby. I am 26 and he is 27 we have been together for 11 years. I am currently pursuing my graduate degree and will be done in spring 06. However, I decided that I want to pursue my P.H. D. My husband feels that I will always be in school and I will never have a baby. My feelings on the issue is that I want to complete every thing now before I start a family. I hear people tell me all of the time that do it while you are young and you don't have worry about it later. I guess my husband feel like we have been together for such a long period of time why not. But honestly we are not financially ready for a child not living in a studio. I know eventually I will be making more money and we can afford a house. What are your suggestions on this issue? I don't know what to do choose my education or choose my husband.
I don't think you should have a baby if you're not ready. It shouldn't be something you're pressured to do.
rrdm782004
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Thanks
Moehick
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Don't have a baby till your ready. You don't want your life to be filled with what ifs. What if you compromise and wait till you are done with your graduate degree but TTC before your PHD?
shawl
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I agree that you should not have a baby before you are ready - that supersedes everything else.
That said, however, I wanted to mention that having a baby while in graduate school is not necessarily a bad thing. I don't know what you are planning to do after you receive your Ph.D. but, I (as well as many of my friends) kind of wish I had had children while getting my Ph.D. as opposed to while we are trying to establish ourselves in our careers.
btrflygrl
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we are married 1 year now and are now trying. It's a very personal decision and it varies for everyone...
some couples try on their HM, some wait 1 year, some wait several years, and some choose not to have them
Some have a baby in an apt (stefanie is in a 1BR condo), some are overseas (soon2bmrs)
but the one thing we all have in common is both wife and husband are emotionally ready for it....you are never financially ready for it, IMO. There is always 'something' that comes up that is eating your money, so it's a matter of whether you and your husband are ready for your lives to completely change.
And I commend you for pursuing your PhD... quite the accomplishment
lolita4life
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i think i'll have one when im like 26
Jax430
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IMO, you shouldn't have a baby until you're ready. You don't want to end up resenting your husband or your children for not taking the career path you want. I'm almost 26 and DH is 27. I'm getting my doctorate, and want to start my career before I have kids. There's no big rush at this age! We are not even close financially prepared to have kids yet, either.
rrdm782004
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Thanks Newlyweds for the advice
nov04LIbride
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Posted by Jax430
IMO, you shouldn't have a baby until you're ready. You don't want to end up resenting your husband or your children for not taking the career path you want. I'm almost 26 and DH is 27. I'm getting my doctorate, and want to start my career before I have kids. There's no big rush at this age! We are not even close financially prepared to have kids yet, either.
Me too. I'll have finished my doctorate by the time I am 30, and think we will start TTC when I am 32 or so. Honestly, I want time to travel and have fun without being tied down with a baby. We've been together 6 years now, so it isn't a relationship issue, but when I do have a baby I will treat it as it deserves to be treated--it will be the center of my world. I know I wouldn't be able to part with it to go away for a week like we just did. I know some people take the responsibilty of having children more lightly than others, but I know how much I considered even getting a pet--will we be able to spend enough time with it, will it be fair for it if we go away for a week and have to have someone else take care of it...Having a baby is not a responsibilty to be taken lightly. There are so many birth control options out there that we can decide when is right for us. to you, but know you aren't alone in deciding to wait. There may never be a 'perfect' time, but I know there will be times more right for us than now!
ETA: I feel no pressure from my family--I know they would prefer I wait and finish my doctorate first because it is something I have always wanted. His family jokes around about it, but I think my SIL getting pregnant first took the pressure off of us!
JimmysBride
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Your life will change completely after you have a baby. You don't know if you'll ever be able to go back to school and finish. You are still quite young and have plenty of time to finish your degrees AND have children even before you are 30 probably.
YOU have to be ready to have the child. You don't just go having babies because other people want you to, or they think 'it's time'. YOU decide when it's time - it's your body and your life. If I were in your shoes, I would wait and finish my career.
