Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*

Def. not looking into this for myself but I have mentioned plenty of times about DH & I's friend, lets call him John, who got married in June to a 19 yr old mostly because he got her pregnant last summer after being with her a month. She also has a 4 year old from a previous relationship. Its been clear from day one that they wouldnt last.

She mentioned divorce a week after their 'wedding' and told me plenty of times throughout the year that shes lost her love for him. Now poor John is stuck in her mothers house with her taking care of my godson and her daughter while she goes out to work and party. Last time we went to visit, she disappeared for 5 hours on her day off because she had to 'learn something' but showed up waay after her jobs closing hours. She showed me a guy on her phone while John and my DH were in the other room. She said he had a crush on her and now she had to lock her phone so John couldnt get into it and see any pics and texts from this other guy.

I thought nothing of it until I started reading her away messages and Myspace surveys. She was NOT hiding her relationship with this other guy. I got pissed but held off on saying anything because its really not my business but last night I messaged her and she said that her and John are not together anymore and shes talking to this other guy.

John has not said anything to any of his friends of a breakup and according to his sister (yes his wife is dumb enough to tell his sister about this other guy) he doesnt know about the guy either. DH said the next time he talks to him he's going to have to say something.

I know its going to be a huge issue and I know she will use my godson against him. If they head for a divorce I know since shes committing adultery, will she have much control over whats decided as far as $ and visitation with my Godson?

that's so evil, why would she use your godson against him when she's the one committing adultery?!

i can ask DH. He's an attorney and does divorces (though he hates them).

normally i say its hard to get involved. But in this situation, she is not hiding it and if she is going around talking about it openly then the fact that somebody tells John, she cant be surprised. Its what she has to deal with if shes being this open.

I think adultery will play a big part in the decisions made regarding money and visitation rights. Its sad bc in order for him to get more visitation rights this whole thing might get ugly. My parents friends daughter went through this mess, and the father of her children has full custody of the kids. He was able to prove she was an unfit mother. If it goes to court by any chance, his lawyers will want to find out anything about her that will prove this. And the examples you gave of her going out partying and disappearing for 5 hours might come up then.

I just want to give you hugs bc I have a similar situation going on in my life right now. Not with me obviously but with a great man getting caught up with a not so great woman. She actually went out and got another man's name TATTOOED on her and he is still scared to leave bc of the baby!

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Posted by ant n tilde

I just want to give you hugs bc I have a similar situation going on in my life right now. Not with me obviously but with a great man getting caught up with a not so great woman. She actually went out and got another man's name TATTOOED on her and he is still scared to leave bc of the baby!

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OH EM GEE!! THATS INSANE!!

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Posted by Espo22

normally i say its hard to get involved. But in this situation, she is not hiding it and if she is going around talking about it openly then the fact that somebody tells John, she cant be surprised. Its what she has to deal with if shes being this open.

I think adultery will play a big part in the decisions made regarding money and visitation rights. Its sad bc in order for him to get more visitation rights this whole thing might get ugly. My parents friends daughter went through this mess, and the father of her children has full custody of the kids. He was able to prove she was an unfit mother. If it goes to court by any chance, his lawyers will want to find out anything about her that will prove this. And the examples you gave of her going out partying and disappearing for 5 hours might come up then.

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exactly! i was going to keep my mouth shut but its not like shes even keeping it to herself. she has me, John's sister, my best friend and DH added on Myspace so I dont understand how dumb she can be. DH said he's going to bring it up with him next time he talks to him. I would do the same if my bestfriends boyfriend was posting about another girl all the time.

I can honestly say shes not an unfit mother, she takes good care of her kids at her age. She has a good job with Sprint but she seems to be taking advantage of the fact that John is around and uses him to watch the kids. She wont even let him go out, he has to literally sneak out sometimes to get some alone time. And God forbid he leaves Jersey to come see his family in NY.

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Posted by Songstress

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Posted by ant n tilde

I just want to give you hugs bc I have a similar situation going on in my life right now. Not with me obviously but with a great man getting caught up with a not so great woman. She actually went out and got another man's name TATTOOED on her and he is still scared to leave bc of the baby!

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OH EM GEE!! THATS INSANE!!

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Posted by jennandrolo

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Posted by Espo22

normally i say its hard to get involved. But in this situation, she is not hiding it and if she is going around talking about it openly then the fact that somebody tells John, she cant be surprised. Its what she has to deal with if shes being this open.

I think adultery will play a big part in the decisions made regarding money and visitation rights. Its sad bc in order for him to get more visitation rights this whole thing might get ugly. My parents friends daughter went through this mess, and the father of her children has full custody of the kids. He was able to prove she was an unfit mother. If it goes to court by any chance, his lawyers will want to find out anything about her that will prove this. And the examples you gave of her going out partying and disappearing for 5 hours might come up then.

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exactly! i was going to keep my mouth shut but its not like shes even keeping it to herself. she has me, John's sister, my best friend and DH added on Myspace so I dont understand how dumb she can be. DH said he's going to bring it up with him next time he talks to him. I would do the same if my bestfriends boyfriend was posting about another girl all the time.

I can honestly say shes not an unfit mother, she takes good care of her kids at her age. She has a good job with Sprint but she seems to be taking advantage of the fact that John is around and uses him to watch the kids. She wont even let him go out, he has to literally sneak out sometimes to get some alone time. And God forbid he leaves Jersey to come see his family in NY.

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well she still has to be careful, some lawyers can make a good mother turn into an unfit mother. The woman i know, my parents friends daughter, is not an unfit mother either. I was shocked by this. She doesnt go out and party anymore, hasnt in years. But he used such small things against her and they took something small and twisted it into something big.

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Posted by Songstress

This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him

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how about spousal support?

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Posted by jennandrolo

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Posted by Songstress

This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him

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how about spousal support?

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that really depends on who makes more money and if she stays home to take care of the kid. and if they weren't married very long then she wouldn't get much.

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Posted by Songstress

Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother.

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yep in the situation i know of, there were PLENTY really poor decisions (including adultery) on the part of the woman, nothing at all like that on the father's part, and still the woman was awarded greater custody.

Unfortunately because adultery is so common these days it is not frowned upon in the Courts as you would think. Usually they don't even want to hear about this type of stuff in court. As far as your questions and I can only answer them generally because of course there are always exceptions:

Adultery does not affect who would get custody or the amount of visitation someone would get. A time it might is if the child if the best interests of the child are being affected by the adultery (ie. the mom is bringing the child around her boyfriend who is dangerous)

The amount of spousal support also wont change just because someone is having an affair.

Please let me know if you have any questions I am a matrimonial attorney. Also, like I said, these are generalizations and are the law but no law is black and white and there are always exceptions.

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Posted by jennandrolo

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Posted by Songstress

This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him

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how about spousal support?

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I dont think adultery plays a hand in that either. I think they still go about the child support regularly. Like Aug07 bride said adultery really doesnt change anything.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

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Posted by Songstress

Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother.

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yep in the situation i know of, there were PLENTY really poor decisions (including adultery) on the part of the woman, nothing at all like that on the father's part, and still the woman was awarded greater custody.

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ugh its aggrivating knowing that hes the one at home after working in the am, taking care of his son AND her daughter that doesnt listen to him while shes out doing who knows what.

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Posted by Songstress

This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him

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This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.

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Posted by jennandrolo

i wish there was SOMETHING she'd get jerked on. it gets me soo angry as a newlywed to see another couple take marriage so lightly. i mean, they were fighting on their wedding day! didnt that give them any clue? i never saw two people so miserable on a day thats supposed to be their happiest. now a childs involved that will never get a chance to see his parents happy together.

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Did they get married because they felt pressured by their parents??

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Songstress

This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him

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This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.

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Oh thats good to hear! You definitely know more than me. Im just remembering all the things my step father told me when he divorced his ex-wife, the hell he went through to see his kids. Glad its changed.