Def. not looking into this for myself but I have mentioned plenty of times about DH & I's friend, lets call him John, who got married in June to a 19 yr old mostly because he got her pregnant last summer after being with her a month. She also has a 4 year old from a previous relationship. Its been clear from day one that they wouldnt last.
She mentioned divorce a week after their 'wedding' and told me plenty of times throughout the year that shes lost her love for him. Now poor John is stuck in her mothers house with her taking care of my godson and her daughter while she goes out to work and party. Last time we went to visit, she disappeared for 5 hours on her day off because she had to 'learn something' but showed up waay after her jobs closing hours. She showed me a guy on her phone while John and my DH were in the other room. She said he had a crush on her and now she had to lock her phone so John couldnt get into it and see any pics and texts from this other guy.
I thought nothing of it until I started reading her away messages and Myspace surveys. She was NOT hiding her relationship with this other guy. I got pissed but held off on saying anything because its really not my business but last night I messaged her and she said that her and John are not together anymore and shes talking to this other guy.
John has not said anything to any of his friends of a breakup and according to his sister (yes his wife is dumb enough to tell his sister about this other guy) he doesnt know about the guy either. DH said the next time he talks to him he's going to have to say something.
I know its going to be a huge issue and I know she will use my godson against him. If they head for a divorce I know since shes committing adultery, will she have much control over whats decided as far as $ and visitation with my Godson?
jennandrolo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Espo22
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Espo22
normally i say its hard to get involved. But in this situation, she is not hiding it and if she is going around talking about it openly then the fact that somebody tells John, she cant be surprised. Its what she has to deal with if shes being this open.
I think adultery will play a big part in the decisions made regarding money and visitation rights. Its sad bc in order for him to get more visitation rights this whole thing might get ugly. My parents friends daughter went through this mess, and the father of her children has full custody of the kids. He was able to prove she was an unfit mother. If it goes to court by any chance, his lawyers will want to find out anything about her that will prove this. And the examples you gave of her going out partying and disappearing for 5 hours might come up then.
exactly! i was going to keep my mouth shut but its not like shes even keeping it to herself. she has me, John's sister, my best friend and DH added on Myspace so I dont understand how dumb she can be. DH said he's going to bring it up with him next time he talks to him. I would do the same if my bestfriends boyfriend was posting about another girl all the time.
I can honestly say shes not an unfit mother, she takes good care of her kids at her age. She has a good job with Sprint but she seems to be taking advantage of the fact that John is around and uses him to watch the kids. She wont even let him go out, he has to literally sneak out sometimes to get some alone time. And God forbid he leaves Jersey to come see his family in NY.
well she still has to be careful, some lawyers can make a good mother turn into an unfit mother. The woman i know, my parents friends daughter, is not an unfit mother either. I was shocked by this. She doesnt go out and party anymore, hasnt in years. But he used such small things against her and they took something small and twisted it into something big.
only thing i can think of is the fact that the house that they live in is her mothers and she has random immigrants (not sure of their status) stay there for different periods of time. and these are people who are constantly drinking and bringing other men around. everytime i go there i see different men in front of the house.
kimNanthony
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Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Songstress
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him
This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.
Oh thats good to hear! You definitely know more than me. Im just remembering all the things my step father told me when he divorced his ex-wife, the hell he went through to see his kids. Glad its changed.
Yea but for some reason the mother still usually gets custody lol. I think the reason is because a lot of the time the father moves out during the divorce or because the fathers dont fight hard enough for custody.
jennandrolo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Songstress
Posted by jennandrolo
i wish there was SOMETHING she'd get jerked on. it gets me soo angry as a newlywed to see another couple take marriage so lightly. i mean, they were fighting on their wedding day! didnt that give them any clue? i never saw two people so miserable on a day thats supposed to be their happiest. now a childs involved that will never get a chance to see his parents happy together.
Did they get married because they felt pressured by their parents??
nope. she actually pressured him. i think my wedding also played a part. they were back and forth about getting married since she got pregnant last year but after going to our wedding she really wanted her own except they decided to rush it and get married by the courts and have a little party. a week later she was talking divorce.
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him
This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.
Oh thats good to hear! You definitely know more than me. Im just remembering all the things my step father told me when he divorced his ex-wife, the hell he went through to see his kids. Glad its changed.
Yea but for some reason the mother still usually gets custody lol. I think the reason is because a lot of the time the father moves out during the divorce or because the fathers dont fight hard enough for custody.
I think a lot of times men just feel like its a losing battle because of all the horror stories out there. I also know it was an expensive battle. Dont know if its still the same.
jennandrolo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by kimNanthony
Yea but for some reason the mother still usually gets custody lol. I think the reason is because a lot of the time the father moves out during the divorce or because the fathers dont fight hard enough for custody.
i think thats why hes in denial, he doesnt want to lose his son but hes gotta realize in order to be happy he cant be getting used the way he is.
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Songstress
Posted by jennandrolo
i wish there was SOMETHING she'd get jerked on. it gets me soo angry as a newlywed to see another couple take marriage so lightly. i mean, they were fighting on their wedding day! didnt that give them any clue? i never saw two people so miserable on a day thats supposed to be their happiest. now a childs involved that will never get a chance to see his parents happy together.
Did they get married because they felt pressured by their parents??
nope. she actually pressured him. i think my wedding also played a part. they were back and forth about getting married since she got pregnant last year but after going to our wedding she really wanted her own except they decided to rush it and get married by the courts and have a little party. a week later she was talking divorce.
Ugh she sounds like an a-hole. One of those girls that just wants to get dressed up and have a party.
kimNanthony
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Songstress
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him
This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.
Oh thats good to hear! You definitely know more than me. Im just remembering all the things my step father told me when he divorced his ex-wife, the hell he went through to see his kids. Glad its changed.
Yea but for some reason the mother still usually gets custody lol. I think the reason is because a lot of the time the father moves out during the divorce or because the fathers dont fight hard enough for custody.
I think a lot of times men just feel like its a losing battle because of all the horror stories out there. I also know it was an expensive battle. Dont know if its still the same.
This is true. A custody battle is VERY VERY expensive because it could last years!
Espo22
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Espo22
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Espo22
normally i say its hard to get involved. But in this situation, she is not hiding it and if she is going around talking about it openly then the fact that somebody tells John, she cant be surprised. Its what she has to deal with if shes being this open.
I think adultery will play a big part in the decisions made regarding money and visitation rights. Its sad bc in order for him to get more visitation rights this whole thing might get ugly. My parents friends daughter went through this mess, and the father of her children has full custody of the kids. He was able to prove she was an unfit mother. If it goes to court by any chance, his lawyers will want to find out anything about her that will prove this. And the examples you gave of her going out partying and disappearing for 5 hours might come up then.
exactly! i was going to keep my mouth shut but its not like shes even keeping it to herself. she has me, John's sister, my best friend and DH added on Myspace so I dont understand how dumb she can be. DH said he's going to bring it up with him next time he talks to him. I would do the same if my bestfriends boyfriend was posting about another girl all the time.
I can honestly say shes not an unfit mother, she takes good care of her kids at her age. She has a good job with Sprint but she seems to be taking advantage of the fact that John is around and uses him to watch the kids. She wont even let him go out, he has to literally sneak out sometimes to get some alone time. And God forbid he leaves Jersey to come see his family in NY.
well she still has to be careful, some lawyers can make a good mother turn into an unfit mother. The woman i know, my parents friends daughter, is not an unfit mother either. I was shocked by this. She doesnt go out and party anymore, hasnt in years. But he used such small things against her and they took something small and twisted it into something big.
only thing i can think of is the fact that the house that they live in is her mothers and she has random immigrants (not sure of their status) stay there for different periods of time. and these are people who are constantly drinking and bringing other men around. everytime i go there i see different men in front of the house.
not sure but they might be able to use that against her, for the safety of the child. The woman i know has 6 sisters and 1 brother. They are all a bit out there and were around the kids alot, her parents took care of the kids too and the environment wasnt good for the kids. I dont know EXACTLY how the father was able to get full custody dont know what examples they used, but somehow he got full custody. I wouldn't be surprised if he used her family to do this bc he can use ALOT against them.
jennandrolo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Songstress
Ugh she sounds like an a-hole. One of those girls that just wants to get dressed up and have a party.
well she is 19 she got all dolled up with a party dress from Davids, I lent her my tiara and she got her hair and makeup done just to have a ghetto party in her backyard. John was walking around in his wifebeater and shorts the whole night while she walked around in the dress. it seriously looked like a backyard quincenera minus the decorations.
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Songstress
Ugh she sounds like an a-hole. One of those girls that just wants to get dressed up and have a party.
well she is 19 she got all dolled up with a party dress from Davids, I lent her my tiara and she got her hair and makeup done just to have a ghetto party in her backyard. John was walking around in his wifebeater and shorts the whole night while she walked around in the dress. it seriously looked like a backyard quincenera minus the decorations.
Oh my Lord!!! Are you kidding me?!! I hope he does the right thing and gets out of there. Cant they still get it annulled?
jennandrolo
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by Songstress
Oh my Lord!!! Are you kidding me?!! I hope he does the right thing and gets out of there. Cant they still get it annulled?
i suggested that the first time she brought up divorce but she didnt listen to me
Butterfly123
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by jennandrolo
Posted by Songstress
Oh my Lord!!! Are you kidding me?!! I hope he does the right thing and gets out of there. Cant they still get it annulled?
i suggested that the first time she brought up divorce but she didnt listen to me
I think they have up to year. I dont know what an annullment would change but I think it still looks better than a divorce.
Aug07OFCbride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by Songstress
This girl sounds like a prize piece! OMG Unfortunately I dont think adultery gives the other party more power as to the child's visitation rights. The mother is usually always awarded full custody as long as there's no proof she's an unfit mother. I hope she doesnt make this hard for him. Their marriage crumbled because of her. You guys should keep copies of her text messages and print out her my space pages just in case they could help him
This actually isnt true anymore. This used to be the case when the law preferred mothers for custody but now both parents have an equal opportunity to get custody of the children.
Oh thats good to hear! You definitely know more than me. Im just remembering all the things my step father told me when he divorced his ex-wife, the hell he went through to see his kids. Glad its changed.
Yea but for some reason the mother still usually gets custody lol. I think the reason is because a lot of the time the father moves out during the divorce or because the fathers dont fight hard enough for custody.
honestly, i don't think it's changed much. its ideal that both woould have equal opportunity, but you have to remember there are plenty of biases at play there, even when the father is really fighting in the custody case, i think mothers are still given preference. there are so many cases where the child is best with mom, but thats not ALWAYS the case, kwim? it needs to really be considered individually, not just all fathers on the whole/all mothers on the whole. but i think its thought of that way too often, even if its unconsciously.
queenschic
Posted:
Member since
Re: Question about Adultery & Divorce *bit long*
NJ is a no fault state. Meaning it doesn't matter who cheated on who.
He needs to go to court to settle custody, and the court DOES take into consideration who files first....
Yes they do usually side with the mother unless the father can prove she is an unfit mother (not cheating, we are talking, drug user or mentally unstable etc)
Hopefully they can resolve their problems amlicably for the sake of the children.
