Question fo the day 10/22

Since we are on the topic of MIL ....
DO you have a good relationship? and does she treat you differently now that you are married/engaged?

I have a good realtionship with my MIL but she has a very low self esteem becauae of the was her children treat her...My SIL is not very nice to her mother..she gets it from my DH and his brother.
*my DH is actually alot nicer because of my mom..he spoke to her once the way he talked to him mom and my mom let him have it

My MIL rocks!

To put it mildly - this woman has been through a lot!! She's in her 70s -- she raised 7 kids - 6 boys, 1 girl. Her husband and two sons have died and she's raising a severely mentally handicapped daughter and partially supports a mildly handicapped son (he has a low-paying job -- so he still lives at home). Plus two of her other sons ran wild during their teen years -- which was quite a trial for her...

She has a great circle of friemds and has a very active life. She & my DH talk all the time (he's her baby & favorite) just to chat -- but she is totally NOT a busybody. She minds her business and really appreciates the 'settling' influence I am on her son. One time I even confided in her that her son was being a real pain & she told me 'if he gives you any problems, just give him a kick in the a$$!' How can you not love that!

MY MIL is a little flighty ... and she also has low self esteem, but I get along with her very well and have a good relationship with her. She can drive me nuts ... but tis the world of in-laws!

My MIL barely speaks any english!! So that keeps the disaggreements to a minimum!

She is a very sweet and generous lady but we couldn't be more different. I think if she did speak english - we would be at odds a lot. (She is very concerend about what people think - I am not. She believes in waiting on my FH hand and foot -I do not.)

Hey Stef..its DH now Welcome to the other side

I don't have a MIL, Steve's mom passed away when he was 10

His sister who is 16 years older and kind of a surrogate mom to him is wonderful

My MIL lives in Florida, the only kind of relationship we have is this kind:

Me anserwing the phone: hello

Her: hey there Charmaine how are you??

Me: I am well, how is the weather in Florida ??

Her : oh just fine,

Her : how is the weather in NY??

Me: just fine

that's it, then she ask if she can speak to her son.

If my hubby answers the phone, she ask how her grandson is doing, but I never hear her ask for me. It really does not matter b/c as long as we respect each other that is all that really matters. She is way older and the only kind of realtionship I could see us having is exactly the one we have now. Just being cordial. She has children as old as my mom and my mom just turned 46 yesterday!!!

Sometimes I look at other young ladies and I wish my MIL and I could have a different relationship, but maybe if I married my ex... I love that woman, she is the best!!!

Shamma, I can completely relate to wishing for a 'different' relationship with your MIL. I have a friendly relationship with mine, not close and loving, like some of my friends have.
I have THE MOST respect for Pat's mom, since without her there wouldn't be a Patrick, and she's a nice enough person, but we are very different, and that makes it hard to be very close.

Well, we all know how good my relationship is with dear old mommy. Not a good one. She's incredibly manipulative, possessive and overly attached to her son to the point of obsession. She is incredibly jealous of the relationship I have with her son and constantly tries to minimize my importance in his life to everyone that'll listen.
She has no identity of her own, so she attempts to 'model' her life according to mine (tries to wear what I wear, decorate the way I decorate, does the things we do, etc.). I know it's hard to believe (even I feel paranoid sometimes) but she's even bought the same type of dog I've always had (Boston Terriers) so that her son will find some connection with her as well. To let you know the extent of how sick she is, when he brought my engagement ring home (before he asked me) he showed it to her and put it in his room. She went into his room later that evening and took her wedding ring off and put my engagement ring on. When he caught her (two hours later) still wearing my ring, he asked her to take it off. She told him it was too 'nice' for me, and that she was keeping it for herself. He demanded it back and proposed to me within days. He didn't tell me until after I accepted what happened. Otherwise, I may have had him exchange it (since it was used goods).

She was bad while we were dating, she's been worse since we've been married. I could write a novel on the grief this woman has caused in my life. She's nearly accomplished splitting us up on three different occasions. I told my husband that the next time his family interferes in our life, it'll be the last time.

The last time I saw her (this past Friday- my husband has been doing some painting on her condo and has been working late hours over there) she made some lame ass innuendo about how I shouldn't be concerned that he's cheating on me, after all, he's been at her place painting. My response was to tell her I was never concerned in the 1st place. Between you and me, the only one who's cheating is her with him in her disturbed little fantasies.

IN YOUR FACE LADY!!

Sharon, I think you all need to get her checked out. That does not sound sane at all Lord help her. Please do not let her come between you and your hubby. There has to be a line drawn somewhere when the strings are cut from son to mommy to him being a grown man with a life of his own.

Sorry to go on and own, but I take my hat off to you, you have been thru a lot. I hope you don't live too close to her. Where is her husband???

I am so sorry to hear that you ladies have MIL troubles. I'm very luck, Dh and my mom get along sooo well. My mom is contantly paranoid that she is overstepping her boundaries w/ him. They are both used to getting there own way so we have had some friction. But they are both so easy going any tension that develops never last for more than a day. DH calls her prob close to once a week just to bust her chops. DH's mother died 8 years ago and his father passed 5 weeks b4 we got married. So I dont have a MIL or FIL. Which is sad for me, I would have loved to have met his mom. I heard such amazing things about her. I dont think the woman ever made an enemy. It would have been intersting to know.

Basically my MIL and I have no relationship. The extent of our conversations, which only exist when she calls on the phone:

Me: Hello?
MIL: Is Michael there?
Me: Hold on.

I know someone's supposed to take the first step toward building a relationship, but this is a lost cause. This woman did not even go to her sons college graduations, my DH's graduation from grad-school, and didn't even attend her sons weddings. She is obnoxious with the phone, calling dozens of times throughout the days and nights when she knows DH should be home, and doesn't care if she's bothering us during our little free time together. Since we began dating, she's always told my sweetheart that he should call some other girl .. some girl he was friends with .. a girl she never met, never spoke with, never knew!! And this still goes on today! I hate having bad feelings towards her, because she is the mother of my husband, however, the woman has said far too many bad things about me to DH, and has said and done too many horrible things to DH for me not to have a problem with her. She may be his mother, but she certainly has not behaved as a decent mother should .. not even close!

I don't have a relationship with my FMIL either. She's actually my DH's step mother and he's not too fond of her either. Makes it easy - I don't have to pretend, but I think it's sad as we both hae a great relationship with my mother.

Shamma:

Her and her husband (DH's father) used to live in Elmont, whereas we live in Patchogue (don't you just wonder why I decided to move us like 70 miles away ). BUT this summer, she 'decided' she liked Suffolk more than Nassau and now they live in Coram (two towns away). The problem with her husband is that he is mentally ill and never leaves the house (except for important social obligations like weddings and stuff). Otherwise, he's a recluse. While I do feel bad for her (her husband was a real jerk towards her even before he was 'diagnosed' and did NOTHING with her), she's not going to leech off of our lives. She literally can't do anything without my husband present. When she was shopping for her furniture for the new place, he just HAD to be there, when she shops for her grandchildren (other son's children - no, she's not that way with him), HE has to go. It ****es me off to no end. I know he loves her and tries to be accomodating to her requests, but it takes alot for him to finally say 'Enough!' to her. Her and I have had three super blow-ups where I've told her to go to hell (and cut her from my life completely). Each time, it causes untold grief between husband and I. I can't live like this forever. AND I will NOT hold my tongue, not even for my husband's sake. This woman wouldn't miss a beat to step all over my feelings, why should I protect hers? Some days I feel like I'm living in a fishbowl because DH's brother's wife is cut from the same cloth as MIL and they both love to have feeding frenzies at my expense. They both probably know the last time I used the bathroom, it's pathetic.