Do you think it's normal to really want to get a divorce 3 months after the wedding? Did you feel that way at any point after the wedding? I know that 1st year is the hardest, so may be everyone felt that way!? I know it's a little too late for that kind of thinking but sometimes i feel that may be i would have been better off without him! I am sad and confused!
I think the only advice that I (or any of us) can give...is talk to your DH and/or a counselor...
hang in there
Sonicstef
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Really sorry to hear that. Hugs to you!
Did you live together before the wedding? If not, then its probably just an adjustment phase. I had a similiar intense dislike (without real legimate reason) during the first 6-10 months we lived together.
If you lived together before - what is the major issues between you two? Maybe we can help.
Dont do anything rash.
Lisa Rose
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Im sorry that you feel that way. Let me ask you a question...did you 2 live together before you got married? If not, maybe this is just part of the adjustment to having someone there all the time. I know that before we were married, Harry and I sort of lived together...only on weekends...so when we got married it really wasnt a big adjustment. I do find myself looking for some 'me' time. meaning alone, quiet time.
Did you feel this way before you got married? Did you ever once question whether you should get married?
Maybe you can talk to someone, like a priest or rabbi. Sometimes just verbalizing what you are thinkings helps.
Good Luck to you and we are here for you!!
What-Now
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
That's the thing, we ddi live together for a year befor the weddings, so I thought everythign would be fine now since the ajustment period is over! but it's not fine at all!!! I feel neglected, not appreciated, and if I ever want or need anythig, or unhappy about something, or need help with something, it's always becasue I am PMsing ang crazy, even thought it could be 3 days after my period! All he does is go to work and play computer games. He just bought a new one, even though we talked about it and he said we will start conrtoling his addiction( cause believe me, it's an addiction!) He actually ordered it on line from his parents house so i wouldn't trace it, and told his parents he needs to do it from there because it's a gift for me and he wouldn't want me to find out! That's very ironic becasue I so never get gifts or flowers! It's just expected that everythignis my respocsibility, and every time we talk and he says that he will help me out more it lasts for 4 days, and then again, i am a b i t c hw he ALWAYS needs soemthing! Venting, sorry!
HeatherandNick
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
to you. I am so sorry for what you are going through. Everyone on these boards is here for you and will help in any way we can. Living together is a big adjustment and it does take a little getting used to.
LisaT
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
So sorry you're feeling this way!
I can't answer whats normal, but personally, I have never even come close to the idea of a divorce since we've been married. We did live together before but never went through a tough adjustment period. Things have only gotten better since we've been married. Its not a fairytale everyday, and he frustrates me at times, but we're happy.
Is there something in particular bothering you? Have you talked to him about your feelings? Do you think the lifelong committment is just freaking you out at the moment? Did you have doubts before the wedding?
Please use us to help you through this, but also don't be afraid to seek other help.
edited to say: I see you answered some of my questions while I was typing...
HeatherandNick
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
okay ignore my above post, I didn't see what else you had wrote. Is there someone you could talk to together?
LisaT
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
did he change after you were married, or were you expecting marriage to change him?
If this was his behavior before, did it bother you before the wedding?
What-Now
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
May be we should talk to someone, although i feel that nothing will work, cause you know peopel don't change! everytime I hear someone say 'My husbund/Fi/ Boyfriend is my best friend' i want to cry!
Yes, it did bother me befor the wedding, but we decided it was just an adjustment period, even though i did seriously concidedred canceling the wdding at some point!
Don't get me wrong, I love him, i just don't think we can co-exist in the same household!
LisaT
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
think of the things you love about him. the things that brought you too together.
Its easy to focus on the bad when you're angry, but there are reasons you married this man. What are they?
and people CAN change, if they want it bad enough.
dgtlsunshine
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Sorry sweetie
I know I can get very frustrated. I am sorry I think you may just need to vent. I go through the video games with my husband as well. My husband is addicted to the computer as well.
I don't hear divorce in your statements though. It just sounds like communication needs to be really worked on in the relationship.
Three months don't throw him out yet.
I really think you all just need to talk.
alina
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Anya, I just sent you FM and a few
Jeanene
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
- I am so sorry that you are going through this distress.
If you are so unhappy, I would strongly suggest that you and your DH go to see a counselor.
I just want you to know that we are here for you if you need to talk or need a hug.
Fran M
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
It sounds like talking things out maybe with the help of an unbiased 3 party would help you both sort out and voice your expectations from each other.
shamma
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Sweetie, I wish you and your hubby will speak about this. I know how it can feel when you feel as if you are not appreciated or you are being taken for granted. The reality of it all is that marriage does not change people, and a lot of women go into it thinking this great fairytale and the reality is that some of us set ourself up for disappointment. We are all humans and we all have our faults. The question is, is this something you can live with for the rest of your life. Is what you are dealing with so unbearable?? I think if it is making you so unhappy then you need to speak with your hubby and then you 2 should consider seeking professional help. At times I want to strangle my procrastinating computer addicted husband, but not divorce him. Sometimes when we are angry we forget all the good about someone, take some time and reflect. If you ever want to talk know that we are here for you. Lots of hugs to you (((((HUGS))))
LizD
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Counseling sounds like the best idea. If for some reason he does not want to go with you, you should go alone. Maybe then he can be persuaded to join later.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Like everyone has said, remember we are all here for you anytime you need to talk or just vent!!
JennRenee
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
Hang in there. As a wise man once said, every rose has it's thorns.
(oh wait, that wasn't a wise man, that was a Poison song. Oh well, you know what I mean )
Diane
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
I hope things work out for you.
michele31
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Re: Question from a desparate newlywed!
I am sorry that you are experiencing so much conflict already. In all honesty, marriage is about comprimise. I think you and your DH really need to speak seriously about how his gaming is effecting your life. Also sneaking around to buy stuff is just NOT okay. That can really get worse and worse. Perhaps you both need to speak to a 3rd party person (therapist) to help you both understand these issues.
Perhaps these issues were always there but with planning the wedding you didn't notice it as much. Or perhaps these are issues in response to the 'responsiblity' of married life.
Regardless as to the reason I would definately begin couple's therapy before you end your marriage.
