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Re: missing gifts

Maybe in conversation with them mention that some of your gifts/cards seem to have been lost. Tell them that you called the hall to check if they found any, but they didn't. And casually say, how you were missing a few from family and checked with them and they said they gave and would cancel and resend the gift and mention that theirs was missing too. Tell them you totally understand if they didn't give anything(even though you are mad as hell) but you just want to make sure that theirs didn't get lost so you don't hold up a check at their bank!!

Unfortunately, it sounds like they may have stiffed you for now, but they still technically have up until a year to send a gift.

Maybe mentioning it to them, will jog their memory and they will send something!!

Good Luck!!

And Congratulations!!

Re: missing gifts

SO...I was out the other night and after having a few drinks, invited one of the friends in question to come out. She arrived, I had a few more drinks and then I just outright asked her.

Basically, she did stiff me, and admittedly so. She said she has too many weddings to go to this time of year, and couldn't possibly give money to everyone. I just kinda rolled my eyes and told her that I understand money problems, but why not even a card? Her answer - seriously: my wedding was too early in the morning and she didn' t have time to stop at Duane Reade!

I think in my drunken stupor i eventually mentioned that it's fine even though she stiffed me i'd still be her friend, but casually reminded her that not bringing anything (not even a damn card!) did not make her look very classy.

She must have called and told our other friend who did not give anything, because i got an email the next morning from the other saying that she hadn't 'forgotten' and was going to mail me a gift...hmmm...

not that I care that much about money, I'm not like that at all, but I didn't expect to be treated this way from two of my close friends. Actually, the one who says she's planning on sending me something I understand more for not giving - she's had a lot of money troubles recently. But the girl who blatently told me she had no regrets about not giving me anything (a) still lives with her parents and has no rent to pay and (b) holds a decent paying full-time job (c) lives practically ACROSS THE STREET from a Duane Reade.

whatever. I guess I won't be calling her to come out drinking with me ever again :(

Re: missing gifts

I understand fully! My own boss did not give a card or gift. She mentioned it after the wedding.....'OH I have a little white envelope here for you when you get back to work.' I never got it. I came into work after the HM with pictures and everyone was talking about the wedding. Nothing was ever said again. I am ok with it, but my mother is SO bent. I am getting ready to write out TY's and she said 'well you do not need to write one for your boss and her husband' I told her I am still sending a TY to them for sharing in our special day. There were guests who forgot their cards but all said and done, they were the only ones who did not give even a card!

Re: missing gifts

your BOSS came to the wedding and did not give anything -- yikes! No excuse for that. Bosses have money. Mine did not come, no gift either but we all got a bonus recently which he passed off as a wedding gift.

I just don't understand where some people learned (or didn't learn as the case may be) their manners. I would never go to a wedding and not bring something for the couple. Maybe when i was 10 years old, but we are adults now, time to grow up and do what's right.

geez louise!

Re: missing gifts

i feel your pain. our best man, one of our groomsmen, and one other close friend of dh's still have not given us a gift. and it's now over the year mark. the annoying thing is that we gave the groomsman a leatherman and everytime we see him he pulls it out and talks about what a great gift it was. uh, don't you think you should have returned the courtesy? arghhh...... and i know none of them are having money problems. the close friend is getting married next year and i swear i'm going to get like a beauty salon gift certificate and just address it to his wife!

Re: missing gifts

Im glad someone brought this up. I was stiffed by three of 5 bm's! I don't care - they have spent enough money - but c'mon!!

One did give us a card. One said yesterday - Oh crap I totally forgot to get you guys a wedding gift...and one did NOTHING...she I am the most hurt by.

She lives in CA. For her wedding we flew her out here for her bachelorette party - had a sick weekend. then flew out to CA for 5 days for her wedding.

She did NOTHING for my wedding - not one thing - not one penny spent. Her and her husband did come to the wedding - but NO gift..I gave her a $100 gift in fact, for just being a BM!! (she never thanked me or acknowledged it at all) I thought to myself - ok money is REALLY tight for her - and even though I am sad she didnt even give us a card, maybe she is embarrased....

THEN - she tells me she is going to be in Maui for 5 days and we should meet up! The nerve...i dont want to hear about money problems then hear you will be in maui.


WHEW - I feel better getting that off my chest. I guess it is what it is - right??

Re: missing gifts

yes, I am totally venting. I mean it's not like she's going to see this and suddenly regret anything. But I must have rustled her feathers the other night when i told her she had no class. I know it sounds mean but it feels good to let people know what you are thinking rather than let it stew inside. Seriously, why should i be so worried about how she feels anyway? she obviosly doesn't care much about my feelings!

Re: missing gifts

I think that the worst part was the part about no card because the wedding was too early in the morning...

in my opinion, someone who says something like that to a newlywed is not a 'friend'

Re: missing gifts

im sure some people will not agree but...... i would never attend a wedding and not give a gift if i couldnt afford a gift i wouldnt attend. i just think its a terrible thing for someone to do. i know a wedding isnt supposed to be about the gifts you get its about spending your special day with the important people in your life. but i was raised that if i went to someone house even a close friend or relative to bring someone even if it was small so why would you go to someones wedding and not give something. it doesnt have to even cover your plate especially if you have money problems but give something....

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Re: missing gifts

I think that you should cash the check. Etiquette does say that guests have one year to give a gift. Therefore, technically, you shouldn't really say anything about it...

Re: missing gifts

I agree - cash the check!

Re: missing gifts

I have 2 related stories about my wedding almost a year ago.

1. Cash the check! It was a gift, you shouldn't feel bad - she should. You can mention in your thank you that her being there and the card were more then enough. I had a close friend who didn't come to my wedding, we had been friends since elementary school. We got in a heated arguement when she told me she wasn't coming - she had known the date for a year and then told me her hubby (a cop) had to work. He couldn't ask for the day off? And she refused to come without him, even though she knew other people there. After the wedding she sent a card & check - I was going to send it back, but my mom said it was even more rude. So I sent her a very nice thank you, telling her I wished she was there. I haven't heard from her since.

2. A friend of mine (who sang at our wedding) hasn't given us a gift. I know it isn't the money, although she tends to be cheap, she has a very good career and just bought a townhouse on her own outside of DC. She has emailed me a couple of times saying she was sending a gift - still nada. Chris and I will be married a year in less than 3 weeks. She is the only one we didn't get a gift from. I should have known, she is the type when we all go out to dinner - nickels & dimes the bill.

Re: missing gifts