Lately when people hear that I am not getting married in a church, but at my reception hall- I get all types of looks and comments.
My FH and I are not religious- We believe in God, we pray and are spiritual in our own right. Neither of us attend church. We used to as kids, however now we just don't. We are different religions as well.
To tell you the truth- of all the years we have been together- this has not come up. We did say when it was time to have kids we would discuss baptism and such then.
I have been told that religion is a very important part of marriage, and that is should be established from the start.
I know I am not making much sense, but can you tell me how important religion is in your marriage?
Sassyz75
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
It isn't important in our marriage... neither DH nor I subscribe to any one religion due to a belief that 'religion divides'.. we are, however, spiritual people in our own right.
We didn't get married in a church but at the reception hall. We did get various comments- but when I explained that getting married in a place or worship when I am not committed to the religion is wrong to me, they understood... State your reasons and stick to your guns. Only you and FH know what level of religion is right for you. While believing in something is important, I do not think it makes or breaks a marriage.
mishandgerard
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Listen, my DH went through all the sacrements, while I was only baptised. We never discussed religion because that is not what made our relationship. We love each other not because its god's love, but because we have the same beliefs. It is obvouis that so do you with your sweetie!
nrvbrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Thanks ladies!!!!
We are also getting married at the hall.
I could not see picking some random church to get married in- that did not mean anything to me.
I believe God is everywhere!!!!!
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
The only people who find religion an important part of marriage are people who are religious. Anyone who is preaching to you and implying that you cant have a sucessful marriage without religion has lost their marbles! There are people who spent their lives praying who have aweful marriages and their are people who drink cows blood while cursing out God who have wonderful marriages and everything in between.
Religion is not an issue for us at all. We were not religious before we got married - why would that change after the fact?
I think if you plan on having children, you probably want to have discussions and agreements about how you are going to carry out their upbringing just so your expectations are known from the outset...but thats it.
both DH and I are atheists...so, religion plays no part in our lives or marriage...nor do we want it to.
I thought that my moms family might make a comment here or there, if they did it was to my mom and not to us.
When I told my mom that we would not have our children baptized, she was pretty understanding (as she has become pretty agnostic), but she told us that we should have a 'coming out' party for the baby...she's more concerned with the party than the religious act...I thought it was a cute name for a party too
I think each person has to do what's right for them to have a successful marriage...and its very pessimistic to say that to someone...don't you think? If religion makes you a good person, I am all for it...if it makes you hateful...than I am not...
starhead
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
DH and I are both aethiests/agnostics as well, got married at the hall, by a judge, with not one religious reference in our 5 minute ceremony at all. So religion plays NO part in our marriage.
For people who want religion to be part of their marriage it is important.
starhead...I think everyone loved that the ceremony was so short at ours...
I know everyone says thats the most important part of the day...but I don't like being on stage to begin with...so it was perfect for me!!
Samanthas Mom
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
it doesnt play a part in my marriage at all. I wish it did but it doesnt we had a Jewish ceremony at the hall mainly for my family. I do not know what his parents are -they are Jewish but dont practice
if I want to go to Church, I go with my friends or alone, I dont make craig go, if he wants to he will, if he doesnt I just go alone
What-Now
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Religion is not a big part of our marriage. we also got married in the hall, but we had a traditional choopah and a pretty conservative rabbi. It was important for us to honour traditions of our families and to show respect for our accestors and those loved ones who passed on. It didn't have much to do with the religious believes themselves!
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Just as an aside...i had my ceremony in a church but there was virtually no mention of specifics about God and Jesus etc.. in our ceremony at all. There were a few mentions of God but only in hte most generic sense. (We were lucky to find a priest who was willing to allow us to write our own ceremony)
My point is - getting married in a church doesnt necessary indicate any strong religious beliefs just as getting married in a hall isnt a revocation of God.
nrvbrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Thank you Stef.
It seems as though people feel just the opposite.
shamma
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
I was raised in a religious family. Since I met hubby he has been attending my church with me. I hope I set the examples for him to follow. We pray together and sometimes I read the bible to him. I am a believer in the family that prays together stays together.
I will never tell anyone that b/c you did not get married in a church you will not have a successful marriage or vice versa. I do know I do believe having faith keeps me rooted and grounded. And keeps my marriage strong.
Niecey
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Good Question. I don't think religion/church plays any part in our relationship. We did get married in a Catholic Church because that was very impt to DH (not me at all - I kind of felt hypocritical getting married in a Catholic Church). When I did tell people I didn't want to get married in a church - I did get those looks of disbeliefs although no one told me anything bad.
DH does want to raise a family in our faith and would like to get back into going to church and such. He wants to raise them this way and when they are old enough and educated they can make their own decisions. He feels strongly about this and I don't think it is a bad thing but I am not sure I can get into it 100%. I do belief in God and do pray but the whole organized religion thing kind of bothers me to some extent. So he said he will be responsible for it! Fine with me.
Oh yeah - when we told the church in our meetings upon booking a date and time that we are 'occasional' church goers, we did get a lecture. The priest quoted statistics on how religion plays an important part of lasting marriages.
Wendy
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
This is a great question. Neither DH or myself are religious, although we both grew up that way. A major part of my growing up was centered around church and my whole family was very active in church activities. However, when my mom died at the age of 49 leaving behind 5 children (3 under 18), I began questioning a lot of my religious beliefs. People kept telling me that it was 'God's will' that she died. I just refuse to accept that there is a God would take away my mother and leave my alcoholic, wife beating, dirtbag stepfather alive. Made no sense to me. I have not been to church since then. I have made my peace with my decision and have no regrets. DH is Episcopalian and he became extremely disenchanted with how hypocritical the church leaders had become. He has not attended church for at least 10 years.
We discussed the subject long before we got married and since we both felt the same way, there was never any thought to our being married in a church. We found a wonderful officiant ( a Jewish chiropractor...no I am not kidding) for our ceremony which was held outside on the water at our reception hall. Our ceremony was filled with joy and laughter and was just the way we wanted it to be. Our ceremony was completey meaningful to us and our families and friends and I don't think there is a better way to start married life than that.
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
I think this might be a good spin off question about our religious beliefs and why we believe in whatever..but Im almost afraid to post it for fear of the Friday Drama bug hitting our NW board
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
IMO you and your FH need to discuss your plans for future children BEFORE you actually get married. You should also discuss how you will observe/celebrate holidays since you are of different religions. I know someone who is Catholic and married a Jewish man. He was very religious, she was not. He doesn't care if she puts up a SMALL Christmas tree in the house and makes Christmas dinner BUT no lights on the outside of the house, no wreaths, no outward facing decorations at all. They also are bringing up their children strictly Jewish. And there are NO easter bakets etc... This was decided prior the wedding. And honestly if it wasn't I could only imagine the problems. For me, having my children baptized is a MUST. There is no decision or comprimise on this issue for me. It is only fair that the man I married knew this ahead of time. Thankfully, Scott is also in agreement with this practice BUT imagine if we had just left it until I was pregnant and we didn't agree. What then? You and your future husband have to talk and agree what is best for you and your new family. It sometimes has little to do with actual religious beliefs and more to do with family traditions. And whatever you both decide should be respected by BOTH families, but often this can lead to some family problems. So I suggest discussing this all in detail with him now so that you can avoid problems or at least minimize them in the future.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Wendy- Anyone who tells a child that it is God's 'will' for their mother to die is a moron. There may be a bigger plan to life that we cannot always see or even like but that doesn't mean it was 'will' to take away your mother and leave you with a horrible man. I am really sorry that some people have hurt you so deeply. Nicey- I respectfully disagree with your statement about religion/Church NOT playing a role in a relationship. I think the statement should be that relgion/Church doesn't play a role in YOUR relationship. For many couples their Faith and beliefs bind them into a very close relationship with each other and God. They also organize a lot of their marriage around religious beliefs and activities. Faith can also help couples through some very difficult times. So for some, it plays a huge role. For others, it doesn't. It is a very personal issue.
nrvbrd
Posted:
Member since
Re: Serious question about religion/ church
Michele, our religions are not so different that it will affect holidays and such.
