Serious question about religion/ church

our religious situation is not ideal, i must admit. FH was not raised with a religion (dad is jewish, mom is catholic) nor does he want to follow a particular religion. i was raised catholic & am still practicing. its important to me that my children be raised catholic. wedding is in a catholic church. FH was a good sport & went to church with me one day. he hated it. absolutely hated it. thought it was a cult- half joking. (it was so interesting to hear his interpretation of things that to me are so normal/common in church) i would ideally like him to come to church on the holidays with our family, but thats not going to happen. so i'm the one who will be bringing our future children to church & raising them catholic. FH will support this, but not actively participate. i'm not resentful, i totally respect his feelings & i do understand his views, but it is important to me.

i agree that it is very important to fully discuss these things before marriage, even if you don't make any absolute final decisions. for some people, its a very important issue.

Just to reiterate.

Fh and I HAVE discussed the fact that we are not religious- there is no conflict between us in that manner.

Michele thank you . I was an adult when my mom passed away, but I had younger siblings. You cannot imagine what hearing that statement did to them. It was awful. And it was the minister of our church, who I have known my whole life, who said this. Unbelievable!!!

I just wanted to add that it is important to talk about before marriage. SInce you and your FI are of similar religions, I don't think you will have a problem especially since you agree on what and how much of a role religion will play in your lives.

I am Jewish, My husband is Catholic and we discussed it but not very productively. We ended up at , 'We will raise them both with no ceremonies' This makes me sad, but it is the only way. He is probably more willing to bend than I am.

I tii don't want Christmas lights on the outside of my home but we will have a tree and a menorah and Easter baskets (as long as I get one too) and Passover sedar.

But the truth is, I would be thrilled if my husband was OK with raising the kids Jewish. I would never not have Christian holidays but they would go to Hebrew school etc.

In the end, I was not going to lose the love of my life over religion. We will compromise and find a way.

I like this post can you tell? It makes me feel better to discuss this topic. Believe it or not, everyone asks us HOW WILL YOU RAISE THE KIDS?

This is such a great question. I personally firmly believe that God and faith play a big role in my life and in my marraige. Having the strong beliefs that I do, I would not marry anyone who was not willing to share my beliefs and my hopes and goals for raising my children to have the same beliefs.
I think that God will help me to stay grounded, and focused. DH feels the same way, and we believe our marraige will be stronger with God in the center of it.

Notice I said God, and not Religion. I do think that Religion and Beliefs are two different subjects altogether.
Religion these days is so organized and so much politics tends to go on.

I think that Religion plays a part in the marraige if and when it may cause conflict. but only the couple involved can decide whether it would or not.
DH and I were both raised Baptist, which makes things easier for us, b/c we don't disagree on how to raise our children or on how to incorporate God and our Faith in our marraige.
If we disagreed on these things, we would have to iron it out before we married.
But if he weren't raised Baptist, that would be fine as me, as long as we had the same beliefs.

What DH and I have discussed is more of our beliefs in God and the kind of spiritual growth we would like to experience together and pass on to our Children.
We never discussed Oh, what 'religion' should we be?
We like to look at it as we are Christians, not Baptist, or Catholic, etc. . . You get my drift. We now attend a Non-Denominational Church, and we married in a Methodist Church. See the 'Religion' doesn't matter to us, it is what we believe and what that particular Church believes and teaches. As long as they teach Christianity and we are comfortable with their sermons and it's not too political, we are OK.

In a nutshell (since I know I'm babbling on) only the couple involved could decide on what is right or wrong for them.

I would NEVER even think for a minute that someone is less spiritual or their marraige will suffer b/c they either don't attend Church or got married at the hall. I think to assume something like that is quite ignorant . What is important in a marraige is that you both agree on how you live and what is in your HEARTS. The rest is all icing on the cake and totally up to you.

I will say again with that that I Do strongly believe that God in a marraige will only do good things. And that it is important, but not only in marraige, but in life. But I would never ever think to judge anyone else's lifestyle or beliefs. Nor do I think my beliefs are more important or valid than anyone else's.

I'm blabbing now, time to go to bed.

Liz

nicely said, Liz

Tammy

Liz, you put my thoughts into words.

Thanks!!!!!