since i brought up the CG and we talked about P.S. I love you..

how would you feel if your dh told you he wanted to join a branch of the military??? My initial response was 'I would support him as my husband no matter what...and it's an amazing thing to serve our country and i'd be entirely proud' ...however after researching with my friend today it gave me anxiety to even think about it. After really seeing the reality of the lifestyle, I honestly don't know if I would be cut out for a life like that... regardless of constantly moving every 2-4years, missing out on seeing my family grow through the years, not spending the short amount of time we're given with them etc.. regardless of that - I just could not imagine dh getting called out and being overseas risking his life daily w/little to no contact, etc... for months to years at a time...
i never want to say goodbye to dh wondering if it just might be the last time i'd see him.. I really give those of you who ARE living this lifestyle a ton of credit. I just think of things like if i was pregnant with our first baby or HAVING our first baby(or any child for that matter)..what if dh coudn't be there??? just watching our neices&nephews growing up(let alone our own children), going on a vacation or sitting at a birthday party & just thinking how much dh is missing and how much we're missing together.. i just feel like life is so short - yes the benefits are good, but honestly i'd rather be broke & have my husband home than live a life like that! and the hardest thing to think about would be : what if this was something that dh really WANTED to do?? do u tell him no, but possibly have him live with regret that he never did it??? do u support him??? after seeing everything today i really just don't think i personally could do it!

THOUGHTS??? lol

I have a great deal of respect for military wives and their families. Me personally..I don't think I would be able to do it. I am co-dependant and I don't think I would be able to deal with the separation, not to mention the constant anxiety I am sure the wives and families have.

eta: If this was what DH wanted to do, I would never tell him no, you cant go.

---

Posted by kristin597

I have a great deal of respect for military wives and their families. Me personally..I don't think I would be able to do it. I am co-dependant and I don't think I would be able to deal with the separation, not to mention the constant anxiety I am sure the wives and families have.

eta: If this was what DH wanted to do, I would never tell him no, you cant go.

---

Yes - I too have ALWAYS had a high level of respect for military wives/families...and after today it is even higher! I had no idea that it's actually quite common that there can literally be weeks to MONTHS that u can not even make/recieve phonecalls.. i can not imagine going months without a WORD to each other.. not even a goodnight, or just to make sure he's doing okay.. it's just something u have to be cut out for i guess! i can't ever imagine telling dh 'no u can't'...but when it came down to it i really would be so unhappy if this was ever a case with us!

My cousin spent 20 years in the navy. He served during Operation Desert Storm. My aunt was watching CNN or whatever news channel 24/7.

One of my best friend's ex-husband served in the marines. I just remember the stress both had to go through when they were overseas.

It is very stressful on a family. It's even harder once someone leaves the military to stay with a job. Not that the person can't find one, but to find one they will enjoy. It takes awhile.

I have so much respect for those in our armed forces and our vets. This was not something DH would ever get into. I do have to think that our children might want to do this though. It's not easy to deal with.

I honestly dont think I could do it. I wouldnt want to give up my life. I married DH because of the life we agreed on together. We want and have alot of the same interests.

My brother was in the marines for 6 years. He loved it at first with all the traveling, he got to go alot of places, but his last 2 years in he just wanted out. He missed his family and friends.

I'd like to think that I'd be able to blindly support him but my fear is I'm not strong enough deal with that. I've used to shy away from dating NYPD and FDNY for that very reason.

At the same time I'm a firm believer that in order to be happy you have to follow your heart and DH truly wanted it, I'd be honest about my fears and concerns, and cope with it. If he isn't happy with his career it'll carry into other parts of his life. If you arent fulfilling your needs, you aren't completely happy and that's all I want for him.

Wow that was a ramble

---

Posted by BklynBride2Be

I'd like to think that I'd be able to blindly support him but my fear is I'm not strong enough deal with that. I've used to shy away from dating NYPD and FDNY for that very reason.

---

ITA with this..... i will possibly get flamed... but honestly, at 29 years old if DH randomly decided to join the military, yeah i would tell him no... b/c then its obviously not a 'life long' dream he's had and im not okay with that..... and if it was a life long dream then i dont know if we would have gotten together b/c i wouldnt be able to deal with that and he would have probably been over seas during the time we got together

---

Posted by BklynBride2Be
At the same time I'm a firm believer that in order to be happy you have to follow your heart and DH truly wanted it, I'd be honest about my fears and concerns, and cope with it. If he isn't happy with his career it'll carry into other parts of his life. If you arent fulfilling your needs, you aren't completely happy and that's all I want for him.

Wow that was a ramble

---

not a ramble at all! it's actually a really good way to look at it. i guess i just feel like we only have one life...and while it may seem like it's something the dh wants, 15/20years down the road will he regret all the lost time spent with family?? not seeing or being around for his children to grow or cherishing moments with parents/spouse??? what if his life is cut short - will YOU regret not doing more to keep him from going?? this is just such a serious issue that i never really thought about before! and now because my girl that i've been best friends with since i'm 9years old is going through it, it's like i dont even know what to say & i can't imagine if dh woke up tomorrow and felt that way like her fiance did!

I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for our armed forces HOWEVER no way no how could I live that lifestyle. God bless the men and women who do it, I do not know how they do it I admire them very much.

I could never live with it. DH is full aware of this bc I had the same feelings on him entering FDNY &NYPD. He never seriously considered it but one day in college said in passing ' I might take the fire exam' and I said 'FYI if you want to be with me I cant be with a firefighter' It justs scares me too much, maybe I am just a wimp. DH wanted to pursue and entirely different career so it was a non issue, he just said it bc all his friends were taking the test he thought 'Oh a fall back plan'

---

Posted by lizzie217

I could never live with it. DH is full aware of this bc I had the same feelings on him entering FDNY &NYPD. He never seriously considered it but one day in college said in passing ' I might take the fire exam' and I said 'FYI if you want to be with me I cant be with a firefighter' It justs scares me too much, maybe I am just a wimp. DH wanted to pursue and entirely different career so it was a non issue, he just said it bc all his friends were taking the test he thought 'Oh a fall back plan'

---

ITA!! glad im not the only one who feels that way

---

Posted by TommysWife08

---

Posted by lizzie217

I could never live with it. DH is full aware of this bc I had the same feelings on him entering FDNY &NYPD. He never seriously considered it but one day in college said in passing ' I might take the fire exam' and I said 'FYI if you want to be with me I cant be with a firefighter' It justs scares me too much, maybe I am just a wimp. DH wanted to pursue and entirely different career so it was a non issue, he just said it bc all his friends were taking the test he thought 'Oh a fall back plan'

---

ITA!! glad im not the only one who feels that way

---

I feel bad to say it bc I feel like I am being rude to men and women who do such wonderful things to protect our country...but it just makes me nervous

---

Posted by lizzie217

I feel bad to say it bc I feel like I am being rude to men and women who do such wonderful things to protect our country...but it just makes me nervous

---

i dont think your being rude... i have nothing but respect for them AND their wifes/husbands... my best friends husband is in the army and i tell her ALL THE TIME i dont know how she does it!! SHE doesnt know how she does it haha

just b/c we dont want our DHs to join the military, doesnt mean we dont have respect for those who serve

As a Marine wife...I can say it is hard but I would never not support my Dh. We started dating right after he got out of boot camp and the 4 1/2 years he was away we were together. That was our relationship unfortunately. But I would never give it up for anything...yes it was hard. He was stationed in MD for a couple months visited him once, then in San Diego for 2 1/2 years visited him a couple times he came home a couple and then he was going to Japan for a year but came home right before he left for Iraq. That was the longest we had not seen each other it was 10 months. THAT WAS HARD and I was worried and had my break downs.

But DH and I talked about him making a life out of the military. I told him I supported what ever decision he made. I would move with him (well after I finished my Masters) if this is what he wanted to do. I would even move out fo the country. He had the chance to move to Germany if he re-enlisted active duty. However he got out in Jan and now is in the reserves. We both gave up a lot. We both missed out on a lot. We even had to move our wedding back 2 times because of him volunteering to go to Iraq- which we talked about since he dindt have to go. but I said lets move the wedding back and you go it's what he wanted to do. Now he is in the reserves and gives up 1 weekend a month and 2 full weeks out of the whole year. Much better now that I get to see him all the time. He did mention they asked him to go to Afghanastan and we talked about that, I said I would rather him not since it is more dangerous there but he also made the final decision- He isn't going thank god!

Byt besides missing important things, which I would be not fine with but I would accept it as my life....I think the hardest part is being there for your Dh or spouse after they get back from war. Believe me it is a whole new world. Nothing I have ever dealt with. After knowing only a little of what DH went through, killings, having some close friends die, one actually saved his life (which I found out last week) and having to be supportive when DH freaks out or cries or has an emotional rollercoaster of a day is hard....and I give credit to anyone who does it. I am getting through it but it is a learning process and I think it is hard to say what you would do until you are actually in that position. I never thought I could handle 4 1/2 years of him being away as well as a 10 month delpoyment. But I did

---

Posted by lizzie217

I have an enormous amount of respect and admiration for our armed forces HOWEVER no way no how could I live that lifestyle. God bless the men and women who do it, I do not know how they do it I admire them very much.

I could never live with it. DH is full aware of this bc I had the same feelings on him entering FDNY &NYPD. He never seriously considered it but one day in college said in passing ' I might take the fire exam' and I said 'FYI if you want to be with me I cant be with a firefighter' It justs scares me too much, maybe I am just a wimp. DH wanted to pursue and entirely different career so it was a non issue, he just said it bc all his friends were taking the test he thought 'Oh a fall back plan'

---

I have so much respect for those in the military and their families. I dont think I would be able to handle it if DH was in the military.

I met DH before he became a firefighter and I thought I would never be able to deal with him doing this job. It is now 6 years since he joined the FDNY and even though sometimes it is hard I am so glad he joined and is doing the job he loves. At first it was really hard but I guess I just got used to it.

---

Posted by TommysWife08

---

Posted by lizzie217

I feel bad to say it bc I feel like I am being rude to men and women who do such wonderful things to protect our country...but it just makes me nervous

---

i dont think your being rude... i have nothing but respect for them AND their wifes/husbands... my best friends husband is in the army and i tell her ALL THE TIME i dont know how she does it!! SHE doesnt know how she does it haha

just b/c we dont want our DHs to join the military, doesnt mean we dont have respect for those who serve

---

i dont think you are being rude - i would tell DH absolutely not - when my friend (and there were romantic things involved between us as well) was in the war i was absolutely sick over it and it was horrible - he was in iraq when the war first started and it was such a scary time - then when he came home he was really shaken up - those things change a person....so absolutely not.....

This is why i don't think i ever could! i just balled my eyes out..i am such a sap..

Just a dream

My DH was active-duty military up until this past July and is in the reserves until December. We were engaged on his two week leave from Iraq. That was the hardest and scariest 15 months of my life!!

I am so proud of my DH for his commitment to protecting our country and our freedom. It has helped to make him the man that I love.

I did not know DH before he went into the military but he has said on numerous occasions that had we been together, he would never have joined. I would have fully supported DH's decision to stay in active duty, if that is what he wanted. He feels that military life is best suited for single men and women. That it is not a lifestyle suited for families.