SO frustrated today..UPDATED--RESOLVED?

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Re: SO frustrated today....

I am so sorry you arent having the greatest of days.

Is there another option of maybe renting an apartment temporarily until the house is ready?

Have you talked to him about it at all?

I dont know what else to say. I am not good with giving advice with being angry since I hold it in myself. I hope you feel better and try to hang in there.

Cindy

Re: SO frustrated today....

Im so sorry hun! I cant even imagine how hard it must be not living with your husband yet. Some days are always worse than others in all situations, trust me Ive been there a lot! Maybe you can discuss like someone else said renting in the meanwhile, you wouldnt want it to get in the way of your marriage.

I am here to listen any time you want to vent! God knows you have been there for me!!!!!1

Re: SO frustrated today....

X

Re: SO frustrated today....

Hi Noreen,

We've discussed renting a few times, but with his two houses (and two mortgages), it would just be impossible for us to add the expense of renting an apartment. Also, we wouldn't be able to sign a lease because we don't know how long the house will take...could be another few months, but maybe it will only be a few weeks. It's so complicated...


ETS: Can you imagine it!? He's got two houses and we can't live in either of them.

Re: SO frustrated today....

Why cant you live in either of them hun?

Re: SO frustrated today....

X

Re: SO frustrated today....

Karen - thats sooo frustrating!

I don't understand why you are the only one to compromise. Why can't your SIL live with her mom until the apartment is ready. Or bring the pets somewhere else for awhile.

Is your SIL still going to own the house once she moves out? How will that work?

I hope it gets resolved quickly so you two can be together!

Re: SO frustrated today....

( i should preface with i don't know the whoel story so please accept my apology if i am off base at all!!)

we have the same isues sometimes- we were supposed to renovate a house we bought from fh's dad into a 2 family so we could live seperate from him - well, we're getting married in nov and no work has been started - we have had a few arguments over it and now we will be staying in my apt until spring and then renovating it...it is frustrating (i know!) but we will pay rent and a mortgage for no reason really just to avoid further anger/frustration/etc - maybe you btoh can make some type of agreement on a time table - we agreed to what i said if nothign was started by sep 18 (well, its the 20th and you see what has happened so far - nothing!)

for us, we both get frustrated and take it out on each other but then we think about the other thigns we both do for each other and it lessens it all a bit....the anger softens along with the frustration - what you are going through is natural - even though its mean, you might want to just seperate yourself from him when you get frustrated - it works for us and then later, it doesn't seem as bad....


remember you guys love each other and that is what matters most! i hope it all works out for you - if oyu ever need someone to vent to, feel free to fm me!

Re: SO frustrated today....

I sent you FM

Re: SO frustrated today....

X

Re: SO frustrated today....

I really feel bad for you and your situation. It sounds so frustrating and I know that I would be very upset. Actually, I think you are taking it pretty good ... so you are allowed to have these type of days.

I hope everything works out for you very soon. . Just remember we are all here to listen.

Re: SO frustrated today....

I honesty feel for you. I could not picture not living with my husband and it seems you have been more than patient.

His sister should really go
I'm sorry I don't have alot of advice for you, but tell him, this is enough now!

If you need anything, FM me.

edited to say if I were the sister, I'd do something, anything for you & DH to be together, move, go stay with the mother now...something!

Re: SO frustrated today....

You have every right to your feelings, but when we are going thru a low/bad period, I look at it and say I guess this is what they call thru good and bad. This too will pass. I know us who are not in your position find it easier to tell you this, but sweetie in reality you are only going to have to wait and be as supportive as you can be. It will not be forever. Since you have shared this with us the time have definitely passed. To you it might seem like a million years, but next month is October and you never know what can happen between now and then. Please don't give up and I hope you feel better soon. Do you 2 not plan any quiet time together to make up for this??? It will get better of this I am certain. fm me if you want to talk. I know this cannot be easy.

Re: SO frustrated today....

Although I know this might not make you feel any better, I agree with Jennbaby.

His sister should go. YOU are his wife and you have every right to live with your husband. You are NEWLYWEDS for goodness sake!!

to you. Hopefully you'll look back on all of this someday and laugh

Re: SO frustrated today....

Karen you have my sympathies. . You certainly have every right to be upset, frustrated and angry.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but I am wondering if you have questioned your husband about where his priorities lie. From the info you posted it seems that his priorities are a bit skewed. The relationship between the two of you has to be the top priority no matter what. It's not as if he is in the military and you are separated because he is overseas. You are apart because he is not doing everything he can to make sure that you are together. There is no excuse for his helping someone else when he could be spending the time working on your home. I know from personal experience that home improvements can be really stressful and time consuming, but working for a friend instead????

At the very least he should speak to his sister about either moving out or moving the animals out so that the two of you can be together. Your frustrations and anger are only going to get worse and could eventually drive a wedge between you.

Is there anything that you can do to help with the work? Or is there anyway that you can afford to hire someone to get some of the work done so you can move in sooner? How about recruiting some family members or friends to help out.

I think you need to share you feelings with your husband and not hold them in. You are doing both of you a disservice. By the way it took me several years of therapy to learn to do that so I know it's not as easy as it sounds. Maybe if he realizes just how much the continued delays are hurting you he will make sure he gets it done.

I wish you luck and hope that it all works out soon.

Re: SO frustrated today....

VERRRRY well said, Wendy

Re: SO frustrated today....

AWE, Karen

You really have been so patient and good with handling this...
Although it IS a HUGE benefit to have such a handy hubby, the whole world seems to think they have dibs on him too, huh? I have a cousin, who is ALWAYS helping out the whole world, he is exceptionally handy and is ALWAYS ready, willing and able to help out with ANYTHING. We wouldnt even ask him for help, if John just mentioned something to him, he would roll up his sleeves and see where to begin... We were sure his wife got a little upset when he'd be away from home for HOURS (and we felt SO GUILTY! ) but MORE THAN appreciated it, but I totally felt for the wife also, being that any homeowner has projects of his own he could be doing...

So tell your hubby, that right now is not the time to help the whole world, but that you appreciate that he has a big heart and wants to help out everyone. There is just no time for him to help everyone, he needs to help his own wife and his own living situation before helping others. and the idea of hiring your own help. That's kinda unfair, you have Mr. Bob Vila himself, and you paying for someone, is just over the edge and not fair to you.

I also think his sister has SOME NERVE to hang around and know that this is SLOWING down the process of her brothers moving in with his wife!

Also, make sure you & hubby dont put too much work into the house if you plan to sell it. Save his handywork for the home you buy for the long term.

Try not to be angry. 5 years from now, you will look back and say 'remember when...' Like Shamma said, its just one of the bad times, and its not even so bad! Let him know how much this means to you, try to make him commit more time to this situation, and if he has to, BREAK any commitments he has made elsewhere, whether its family or friends, and if THEY dont understand, well then they are being selfish and rude.

You can get through this little bump in the road. Bring out that usual bubbly happy self of yours!

Let us know how things go. Smile !!

Re: SO frustrated today....

Karen I am sooo sorry that you are having such a bad day!

I agree with the other ladies, it is time for SIL to go!! Kevin needs to start sticking up for you and your marriage.

You have been more than patient and I think the time has come for you two to have a talk. He needs to know how you feel. Call me if you need to talk or FM!!

Re: SO frustrated today....

Im so sorry that you have to wait a little longer. But hang in there girl..Trust me it will be WORTH THE WAIT