SO frustrated today..UPDATED--RESOLVED?

Hugs and thank yous to everyone!! You've all been so supportive and helpful.

Sorry I missed your initial post...

Everyone had such great advice that all I can say is

Vent when you need to... we're here and we're listening!

What a very difficult situation. The silver lining- at least you aren't cleaning up after DH yet I don't understand why his mother or sister thinks that you living apart is okay...can he move in where you live? If allergies are the ONLY reason you aren't living in the house, perhaps you need to tell your SIL that you plan on moving in with your husband on XX date and would greatly apprecaite her having her animals at her mother's home at that time. This just seems like you are giving an awful lot and getting very little respect from his family in return.

I'm so sorry you are going through this.

Wow, what a tough situation. I think Michele brought this up already, but why can't your DH live with you??? Does he have to live in the house that he is working on???

I understand how he would want to help out his family, but not at the expense of your happiness.

I would be spitting fire if I was in your situation.

've been too quiet for too long and it will seem like it's coming from out of the blue now.

if I bring this stuff up and show him how upset and angry I am, it will only make the stress worse for him.

These two lines as well as the general tone of your posts say that you're worrying too much about other's feelings and not enough about your own. You're a sweet person for behaving this way, but it seems that you might have been sweet for too long now. Someone suggested giving him and the sister a date and telling them that you will be at the house on that date with your bags packed. This is a good idea. You have been stepped on long enough. Tell them you're moving in and stick to your guns. You deserve better than this.

well said JennP

Can he live with you for now?

Wow you are in a truly tough situation. I can only say that your feelings are not unfounded and if anything it sounds like you have been more than patient. Although I understand your husband wanting to save money on construction costs, he should be looking for a way for the two of you to be together. It sounds like the house being ready will be longer than October...if thats the case he either needs to move in with you or you move in with him and his sister. She's is just going to have to understand. Good luck!

Just like the other posts, I think you have been VERY patient for too long. This is getting in the way with your first year of marriage and not being able to live together. What about telling him that this plan is not working and we need to come up with another plan ASAP? As far as getting people to help and nobody being available, we are having a hard time getting our basement done. We dont get calls back, they come for an estimate and dont call back, etc, so he is right, but like you said there are construction companies. What about going and renting an apartment for the two of you temporarily? He could finish the apartment on his free time for his sister and proceed with selling the house that they own and in the meantime you will have your place together that is the two of yours. You wont be at anyones mercy of waiting for them to get out so you can move in. Hopefully if you let him know how much this is bothering you he will realize that it is time to do something.

I hope it all gets resolved for you soon.

Karen for the sake of your sanity, you have to let your husband know how you feel. It's not at all fair that you are feeling like you are last place on his list and he doesn't know it. You need to spend some quality time together talking about your relationship. You are being way to nice and in the process his family is praising you while they walk all over you.

Please please talk to him and let him know how you feel.

Karen,
It doesnt sound like a bad situation to have him move in with you. It isnt perfectly what you want, but at least you will be living together. If it takes him longer to get the apt done, at least you are living together. Maybe in the meantime he can put the house on the market and him and his sister could split the money and you can look on the island like you were going to do to begin with. I am just trying to throw ideas out to you.
Whatever you decide, it may not fit perfectly in the plans you had, but at least you are together and not waiting around for everything to happen.

I hope I am a bit of a help.



Cindy

It sounds like his family is taking advantage of your good nature - which is going to lead to long term resentment. You need to draw that line in the sand and tell him to come up with an agreeable solution NOW. Not in a questionable amount of time. Enough is enough...

It's not your problem or his where his sister lives - it's HERS. Why should you keep making sacrifices and be accomodating? Tell him you want the house to go up for sale NOW, not when it's convenient for his sister to move, etc. Besides, with her collecting 1/2 of the profits; she'll have the 'money' to make whatever arrangements are necessary to complete the apartment or move elsewhere. Why is this such a difficult issue to resolve with these people!

I'm sorry you're starting out on a sour note. This is supposed to be the 'honeymoon' stage and the only honey I'm seeing is the sugarcoated stories these people are giving you...

Best of luck!!

I totally agree with Cindy. If he lives with you and it takes four months, rather than two, to get the house done, at least you wont be carrying around these feelings for the next two months. I would think the most important thing is for the two of you to be together. Getting the house done should come second. What is the point of sacrificing so much to get this house sold and buy a new one, if by the time you get there you are completely miserable.

You should be with your husband, first and foremost. Everything else will fall into place when it is time.

Karen,

As someone said you need to talk to Kevin about this now before more resentment builds up that you cannot repair. Maybe the girls on here would have recommendations of good carpenters in the Bronx.

But the more important thing is the fact that you feel Kevin is not making you his top priority. You need to talk to him about this. First it will be the house and next it could be something else. If he doesn't know that you feel like this, then he can't correct it. He doesn't know that there is a problem.

Please talk to him. Don't do it in anger but you have to let him know that you are feel neglected (if that is the right word)

I agree with Cindy too. You've been MORE than patient and understanding, and it's time to put your foot down and INSIST that he come and live with you. It may take longer to finish the house, but at least you'll be living like a married couple, and you won't feel so alone.

Good luck, and don't forget to keep us posted!

AWE, Karen, what GREAT news !!!

It shows that youre hubby is TRULY such a wonderful guy, and Im happy for both of you that his family is behind you on getting things moving along...

I knew youd be on your way OVER this little hurdle in NO time !!

YAYYY !!! Big hugs !

Let the next few weeks fly by, by chatting with us!

Karen,
I am so happy you had that talk with him and feel better. That is wonderful! He sounds very caring to your feelings. I cant wait to see the post 'Im moving'