So upset

I found out a couple of weeks ago that my aunt has lung cancer. It has already spread and she now can't see out of her left eye and spread to her sinuses.

My aunt lived with my family on LI until my dad passed away and we had to sell the house. Since she couldn't afford to stay on LI she moved upstate. I lived with her for as long as I can remember and she was always there for me and helped raised me and my brothers.

She is now in a hospice in Utica and she is all alone there. I went to visit her this weekend and she was so happy to see my brothers and I. She just had this glow about her while we were there just smiling. It was so sad to leave her and just thinking about her crying when we left just breaks my heart.

I am so depressed right now thinking that she is all alone there. She only has a couple of months to live and I feel like she shouldn't be alone during this time. I called her insurance company to see if we could move her to somewhere around here but she has an insurance through central NY and it wouldnt be covered here.

She calls me at night crying and telling me that she is lonely. She even calls someone to come from a companion company to spend time with her because she is lonely. I just feel so bad that she is paying someone to be with her when she should be with her family right now.

I just don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking about this and can't stop crying.

I'm so sorry!!!!!

I am so sorry Your aunt knows how much you love her and want to be there for her she understands that she is just too far upstate for you to drive to and work, I am so very sorry

I am so sorry, I will say lots of prayers for her and your family.

i am tearing up just reading this. There HAS to be a way for her to be able to come to a hospice closer to you. If there's one thing my mom taught me, its never to accept a negative answer when its a life or death situation. When my dad had cancer (he's beaten it twice and fully recovered), so many doctors told my parents that it would be months before he could see someone. My mom never took no for an answer and never stopped until my dad had the best doctor see him right away. You are doing a lot by visiting and talking to her. I'm so deeply sorry that you are going through this.

I'm so sorry

I am so sorry!
Just keep going on the weekends and calling her a couple of times a day - do what you can.
You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about - you are a wonderful niece.
So sorry she and your family are going through this.

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Posted by Gigi08

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that, Kim! That's so heartbreaking. Even though you can't physically be by her side, she is blessed to have you in her life. I'm sure she appreciates just being able to turn to you and be able to talk you. She doesn't have anyone else at all...no children? Maybe there is a way around it to move her closer if you are her only living relatives. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.

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She has no kids, no spouse, two of her brothers died (my dad and my uncle a couple of weeks ago). She only has one brother left who lives in Oceanside and he would like to bring her around here too but I dont know how else to do that if her insurance doesn't cover it

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Posted by kimNanthony

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Posted by Gigi08

Aww, I'm so sorry to hear that, Kim! That's so heartbreaking. Even though you can't physically be by her side, she is blessed to have you in her life. I'm sure she appreciates just being able to turn to you and be able to talk you. She doesn't have anyone else at all...no children? Maybe there is a way around it to move her closer if you are her only living relatives. I'll keep all of you in my prayers.

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She has no kids, no spouse, two of her brothers died (my dad and my uncle a couple of weeks ago). She only has one brother left who lives in Oceanside and he would like to bring her around here too but I dont know how else to do that if her insurance doesn't cover it

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Aw, that's so sad. Has anyone tried speaking to a supervisor? That's horrible that they won't cover her in another area...I don't understand that. Maybe there's something her brother can do since he is her only living sibling. I agree that you are a wonderful niece...some children don't care as much as you do. Good luck!

I'm so sorry

Could you get up there to visit more often maybe? It sounds like you really made her day when you were there.

I'm so sorry!!!!

I am sorry. Hugs for you and your family and prayers for your Aunt.

Kim - keep calling and asking. What type of insurance is she on? Could it be switched maybe? Could she get home care hospice and live with your uncle in Oceanside? I know that's a big task for anyone to take on, but I just wanted to mention it as an option. Even if none of this is possible - keep calling! Talk to supervisors!

Awww im so sorry to hear this
for your aunt

I know Utica is a long drive but is there a hospice closer to LI that's still part of the network? Possibly something by Harriman?

Big hugs to you. My MIL died of lung cancer in September, my mom of uterine cancer 4 years ago, so I know exactly what you are going thru.

Would you qualify for emergency family leave so that you can go to Utica to spend time with her ? Given that the cancer is in her head already, it really doesn't sound like she has much time left, sorry to be so negative. My MIL's had metasasized to her brain.

If your aunt is in hospice care,t hen she should qualify for a personal aide - if even for a couple of hours per day. That is worth looking into. Who has her health care proxy ? Do you have power of attorney for her? If no one has these, then you should get them right away to make the decisions when she is no longer capable, adn to be able to communicate with insurance company, hospice facility, doctors, etc.

Please FM me if you would like more info.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

Big hugs to you. My MIL died of lung cancer in September, my mom of uterine cancer 4 years ago, so I know exactly what you are going thru.

Would you qualify for emergency family leave so that you can go to Utica to spend time with her ? Given that the cancer is in her head already, it really doesn't sound like she has much time left, sorry to be so negative. My MIL's had metasasized to her brain.

If your aunt is in hospice care,t hen she should qualify for a personal aide - if even for a couple of hours per day. That is worth looking into. Who has her health care proxy ? Do you have power of attorney for her? If no one has these, then you should get them right away to make the decisions when she is no longer capable, adn to be able to communicate with insurance company, hospice facility, doctors, etc.

Please FM me if you would like more info.

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Unfortunately I don't get any time off from work. My brother is a doctor and thinks she has 1-2 months left, after seeing her this pas weekend.

She has designated my brother as health care proxy (bc he is a doctor) and my uncle will be power of attorney. Even though I am a lawyer she didn't want me to have to do the legal part because she didnt want to add more stress on me.

I even offered for her to come live with DH and I because we have an extra room. I have no idea how much a nurse would be though.

Her insurance is MVP (mohawk valley physicians i think).

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Posted by Mici n KC

I know Utica is a long drive but is there a hospice closer to LI that's still part of the network? Possibly something by Harriman?

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They said the closest one that is covered is in Westchester.

i am so sorry... you are all in my prayers....