I found out a couple of weeks ago that my aunt has lung cancer. It has already spread and she now can't see out of her left eye and spread to her sinuses.
My aunt lived with my family on LI until my dad passed away and we had to sell the house. Since she couldn't afford to stay on LI she moved upstate. I lived with her for as long as I can remember and she was always there for me and helped raised me and my brothers.
She is now in a hospice in Utica and she is all alone there. I went to visit her this weekend and she was so happy to see my brothers and I. She just had this glow about her while we were there just smiling. It was so sad to leave her and just thinking about her crying when we left just breaks my heart.
I am so depressed right now thinking that she is all alone there. She only has a couple of months to live and I feel like she shouldn't be alone during this time. I called her insurance company to see if we could move her to somewhere around here but she has an insurance through central NY and it wouldnt be covered here.
She calls me at night crying and telling me that she is lonely. She even calls someone to come from a companion company to spend time with her because she is lonely. I just feel so bad that she is paying someone to be with her when she should be with her family right now.
I just don't know what to do and I can't stop thinking about this and can't stop crying.
SusiBtoM
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Member since
Re: So upset
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by SusiBtoM
Big hugs to you. My MIL died of lung cancer in September, my mom of uterine cancer 4 years ago, so I know exactly what you are going thru.
Would you qualify for emergency family leave so that you can go to Utica to spend time with her ? Given that the cancer is in her head already, it really doesn't sound like she has much time left, sorry to be so negative. My MIL's had metasasized to her brain.
If your aunt is in hospice care,t hen she should qualify for a personal aide - if even for a couple of hours per day. That is worth looking into. Who has her health care proxy ? Do you have power of attorney for her? If no one has these, then you should get them right away to make the decisions when she is no longer capable, adn to be able to communicate with insurance company, hospice facility, doctors, etc.
Please FM me if you would like more info.
Unfortunately I don't get any time off from work. My brother is a doctor and thinks she has 1-2 months left, after seeing her this pas weekend.
She has designated my brother as health care proxy (bc he is a doctor) and my uncle will be power of attorney. Even though I am a lawyer she didn't want me to have to do the legal part because she didnt want to add more stress on me.
I even offered for her to come live with DH and I because we have an extra room. I have no idea how much a nurse would be though.
Her insurance is MVP (mohawk valley physicians i think).
Great that you have it all covered from a legal/medical standpoint. I can't stress how important it is to have a designated health care proxy AND the paperwork to prove it.
If I recall correctly, every resident of NY State is legally entitled to hospice care if it is deemed necessary. It's actually easier to get hospice care at home than it is to get a bed in a facility. in the case of my MIL, we were told that the qualification was death within two to four weeks. Morbid. Yet I had hospice at home for my mom for 6 months. I'd give it a shot to see if you can get your aunt moved down here and receive hospice care here. Does she qualify for Medicare ? If so - then MEDICARE covers the hospice care, not her private insurance. HTH
kimNanthony
Posted:
Member since
Re: So upset
Posted by SusiBtoM
Posted by kimNanthony
Posted by SusiBtoM
Big hugs to you. My MIL died of lung cancer in September, my mom of uterine cancer 4 years ago, so I know exactly what you are going thru.
Would you qualify for emergency family leave so that you can go to Utica to spend time with her ? Given that the cancer is in her head already, it really doesn't sound like she has much time left, sorry to be so negative. My MIL's had metasasized to her brain.
If your aunt is in hospice care,t hen she should qualify for a personal aide - if even for a couple of hours per day. That is worth looking into. Who has her health care proxy ? Do you have power of attorney for her? If no one has these, then you should get them right away to make the decisions when she is no longer capable, adn to be able to communicate with insurance company, hospice facility, doctors, etc.
Please FM me if you would like more info.
Unfortunately I don't get any time off from work. My brother is a doctor and thinks she has 1-2 months left, after seeing her this pas weekend.
She has designated my brother as health care proxy (bc he is a doctor) and my uncle will be power of attorney. Even though I am a lawyer she didn't want me to have to do the legal part because she didnt want to add more stress on me.
I even offered for her to come live with DH and I because we have an extra room. I have no idea how much a nurse would be though.
Her insurance is MVP (mohawk valley physicians i think).
Great that you have it all covered from a legal/medical standpoint. I can't stress how important it is to have a designated health care proxy AND the paperwork to prove it.
If I recall correctly, every resident of NY State is legally entitled to hospice care if it is deemed necessary. It's actually easier to get hospice care at home than it is to get a bed in a facility. in the case of my MIL, we were told that the qualification was death within two to four weeks. Morbid. Yet I had hospice at home for my mom for 6 months. I'd give it a shot to see if you can get your aunt moved down here and receive hospice care here. Does she qualify for Medicare ? If so - then MEDICARE covers the hospice care, not her private insurance. HTH
She doesn't qualify for medicare because she receives disability. How do I go about finding out about the hospice care at home? How often do they come?
SusiBtoM
Posted:
Member since
Re: So upset
Hospice at home is a great thing. Thre is access to a nurse 24-7, the nurse will usually schedule a visit at least once a week. A personal aide is also assigned, the hours vary depending upon the situation. You will receive any equipment that is necessary -a hospital bed, oxygen, bathing equipment, adult diapers.
I'm not sure how disability affects hospice care. I'd do some more digging to find out if she qualifies for medicare - not medicaid.
My MIL was part of Comprehensive Community Hospice of LIJ.
Do you have access to a social worker thru your brother that can help you ? My MIL's at Parker was an absolute godsend to me.
kimNanthony
Posted:
Member since
Re: So upset
bumping for any more ideas
marriedinmontauk
Posted:
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Re: So upset
I would call a few churches in the area and explain the situation....I'm sure someone could visit, and perhaps comfort her. Clergy handle these situations really well. Also could you get her a laptop....I'm sure there is online community for people in hospice.
