So...What's your Secret.....

I spent like fifty hours in Borders the other day just browsing. I came across a book called something like -How to be a woman that a man will marry. Something along those lines. Then I heard a news story recently about how there are so many more women than men...and how women should head out West to find marriage material....(nonsense of course, but a funny news item nonetheless). Not to mention that my two best friends recently broke off 5 year relationships to the men they were 'supposed to marry' and are now SO Sex and the City - reaching 35 and single, etc.

ANYWAY. JUST FOR FUN. And don't anybody respond and say - 'I don't think that anything I did blah blah, and my husband would have married me no matter what and blah blah, or he loves me for who I am blah blah'

I am looking for the REAL DEAL SECRETS HERE! And of course.....just for fun. You won't be held to them, and we all know we are just super fantastic ladies that honestly no guy would have passed up!

What would be your 'tip' of the trade if you had been interviewed for this book and knew you'd be anonymous. What made you heads above the rest? Because you WERE. You're a newlywed after all!


Mine: Work for him. He'll never be able to re-pay you for standing by his side through thick and thin. And you'll be indispensable eventually, and he'll have no other option but to learn the 'real' you and show you the 'real' him. You work together - raw and unedited! The closeness that develops over sharing that kind of daily stress is major....

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I love him for who he is. I told him from the start that I would never try to change him, try to tie him down in the sense that I would make him stop doing the things he loves...playing ice hockey and riding his Harley.

While I would LOVE to tell him I don't want him riding anymore (because I worry about him getting killed), I know I would be breaking his spirit if I asked him to. I would be asking him to give up one of the greatest loves of his life.

So I suppose just loving him for himself, letting him be who he is, not wanting to change him or 'fix' him in any way.

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I will be really honest here.

MY DH and I have been together 10 years total. We started dating at a young age and we both did not have much dating experience, so needless to say we had alot of challenges over the years. I am sure alot of people wondered how we made it and even question if we belong together.

Most women would not have waited 9 years for a proposal they would have given an ultimatum or left.

I think the reason my Dh married me is because I am going to be c*ocky here and say I AM THE BEST THING THAT WILL EVER HAPPEN TO HIM!!!!

Through the years I have always been there for him, I was his support system, his best friend and the one he could always turn to.
Also, I am not the type of woman who is clingy, overbearing or possesive. I give him plenty of space and I HAVE A LIFE OF MY OWN and do not need to be by his side 24/7.

Also,I am a fabulous person

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He tells me that i was 'different' to him immediately b/c of the way i spoke. Sounds like BS to me.

I think my tip is (when you are first dating) to never be too available to a man. Not really game playing as much as keeping your feelings in check until you know there is something more there. I always had those rules about not being super eager no matter how i was really feeling. Let him discover how special you are before you get too hooked.

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Stef...I did the same thing to Harry...I didnt play games but I didnt jump at every offer to go out for dinner or just out with him!! I realized after 2 months that he wasnt going away and that I had 'gotten' him on my own terms!! I think that is what makes our relationship great!! At least thats what I think!!

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I was my DH's first SERIOUS relationship and let me tell you, that was no easy feat!

I think my secret was, like Stef said, never being to eager, never showing how much you care or like him until it's the 'right time'....
My DH actually told me that when he told me he loved me for the first time, he was nervous I wouldn't reciprocate (of course I did)

Like Stef said, it's not that I was playing games, but I knew his history and I knew I didn't want to be one of his '6 month flings'....

So for me, the secret was to keep him wondering....waiting to see if I would fall for him....

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Al says what made me different was I was the first women he could open up to and share his emotions with (he kept everyone else at arm's length). Don't know what in particular I did to make him feel that way...

I think it had to do with not being afraid to put myself out there and open up to him.

After our first few months of dating, he moved across the country, so we had to be very honest and open about our feelings and our expectations.

(we were in the same circle of friends so we knew each other for years before we started dating - we didn't know each other that well, but we had secret crushes. So we had already played the 5 year waiting game - no need to be aloof once we finally got together! )

Re: So...What's your Secret.....

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My DH actually told me that when he told me he loved me for the first time, he was nervous I wouldn't reciprocate (of course I did)

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This is so important. Never say i love you first. That is the kiss of death!

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great answers ladies! Keep em comin!!!

Lisat I think it's because you look so pretty in front of a field of tulips!!!!

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Yes, my Dh told me he loved me first.

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'Never tell him you love him first...'

That's funny. Our 'I love you' exchange happened about three months after we started dating. I said it first, then he said 'I was waiting for you to say that' and told me he loved me.

P.S. First time I ever said it first (although I had only said it to 2 other boyfriends before him)

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like Mary, I was the one to say 'I Love you' first to Al (past boyfriends always said it first)

Jenny, you're sweet (that picture was taken the day we got our marriage license, so he was already sold )

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Good question...

My secret is: I make him laugh.

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He said he has never met anyone like me, with such a free spirit, so easy going and fun. He also thinks that I am very detailed oriented, PS he knows this b/c I met him at where I used to work.

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ah Shamma...the work ethic thing....goes back to my tip.....

I think it's hats and boy panties that got you hitched -but hell what do I know.

Thanks for all the honesty thus far guys!!! Keep em comin!!! Nobody said they are great kissers though!!!!!

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Here are some other tips - more from observation and discussions from my male friends than actual experience since i have been dating my husband pretty much forever.

- Dont sleep with a guy too soon unless you are really, really good (or he is really, realy inexperienced and wont know any better)

- Dont be too freaky in bed right away. Let him think that he 'taught' you things. No man wants to think that his wife knows tricks that she learned from other guys.

- Be better than he is without saying so.

- If you cant cook, make reservations

- Look at him like he is the only one in the world but walk away from him without looking back.

- If you have had an argument before your 5th date, run!

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Sonic stef wrote:

[- Dont be too freaky in bed right away. Let him think that he 'taught' you things. No man wants to think that his wife knows tricks that she learned from other guys.

Stef, that is so true. Act like the most virginal,eager willing to learn person and then once you get really serious whip it on him.

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Posted by Sonicstef

- Look at him like he is the only one in the world but walk away from him without looking back.

- If you have had an argument before your 5th date, run!

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TOTALLY agree with both of these.......

These are great tips Stef....I have to pass these on to my single friends

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I think DH fell for me for 3 main reasons at first - I was honest, I was independent and I was FUN!!! When I met him he had just come out of a painful situation. We became friends first before he realized he could really trust me, that I had a life (and mind) of my own and that he was always laughing when we were together.

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I know I am going to catch a lot of SLACK for this, but here goes....

I am a 'Rules' Girl!!!

In plain terms, Keep him want ing more not less!

1. Only see him once or twice a week for the first two months. Never accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday.

2. Always end the date first, and end it on the first date with a simple kiss on the cheek. No French kiss on first date. My Huband told me after our first date, he didn't want to wash his cheek for like a week.

3. Keep phone conversations to 10 minutes or less and then end it. You can see him on the date.

4. Be happy, go lucky. Not a lot of heavy stuff until he says I Love You. Keep it light and breezy.

5. Look your best and be active and busy! Hit the gym, take a coking class, dance class, yoga, religion... keep your time filled