Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Jax430
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Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
On the ridiculously long drama thread on the '05 board, some of the ladies started saying that nothing really changes once you're married. I was wondering who over here felt that way and how people's lives have changed since they've been married.
Personally, my life is completely different. Brad and I didn't live together until we were married. As a matter of fact, we lived an hour apart at least, and usually only saw each other on weekends. Aside from college, this is the first time I've lived away from my parents and had complete adult responsibilities! My life is totally different than it was this time last year.
woozshle
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
I think it makes a difference in what kind of a couple you were to begin with. My husband and I were of the opinion before we were married that things wouldn't change (I know we've only been married since November).
We've been together for over 7 years, lived together for about 4 years (if you haven't lived together before marriage I think your whole world changes). During that time all of our money was melded together (IMO the root of most newlywed problems) as well as all of our decision making was always a mutual compromise.
Now we have even bought a house in Monroe in October far from the Brooklyn/family/friend life we were used to and things still run the same way they did before (ups and downs). Thankfully we always seem to be 95% ups so our newlywed life together is just as good as before the wedding.
ETA: I will kick his a@@ if need be
swags1016
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Dh and I lived together for 3 years before marriage but I still think that things changed after marriage. You could no longer just leave at any point, if you wanted to. There was a new level of respect that I cannot explain more than that. He didn't treat me any different but yet something was. Things with his family got better IMMEDIATELY because I was now his wife and that was that. I had started having doubts due to tremendous problems and stress going on right before our wedding and I have to say I am estatic. He is the best thing in my life. I love him more now than I thought possible. The accomplishments we have made since we have been married make me even prouder, where as I was proud of his successes but they were his, now they are OURS.
Annemarie13
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
We have been together for 8 years and lived together for about 2 probably. So our relationship did not change when we got married last year.
But after we bought our first home together, it made us compromise more and defintley be more responsible.
shamrock12472
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
My husband and I didn't live together until after we were married so I didn't know what to expect. A lot has changed since being married. I have a lot more work to do because I cook more and have more errands to run. I lived on my own for a long time, so I am getting used to having others in the house so things are not always where I left them. I have changed as far as I can't expect things to be done exactly when I want them or how I want them.
Marriage does change things - a lot things change for the good - so those who think it doesnt', are going to be surprises.
Anniegrl
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Not much has changed other than we have a combined bank account (we lived together before we got married). But things FEEL so different; I can't explain it. Things feel more secure now, more final. Bad choice of wording, but I can't really express it.
MegLehner
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Joint Bank Accounts = the biggest change (and the source of the only fights we have had since getting married). I am a spendaholic and DH barely spends at all. He makes much more $ at this point in our careers, but I graduate from law school in May. He says I spend like I am already a lawyer. Plus, I do the books and he always forgets to give me his ATM receipts and it drives me crazy.
suven
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FeliciaDA
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Posted by Anniegrl
Not much has changed other than we have a combined bank account (we lived together before we got married). But things FEEL so different; I can't explain it. Things feel more secure now, more final. Bad choice of wording, but I can't really express it.
This is pretty much what I was going to say . Nothing has truly changed regarding our lifestyle .. we also lived together and got used to that whole co-habitating thing, and got all those surprises out of the way. And I haven't lived at home for quite a few years so I was used to being independent.
But I just FEEL different - he's now my husband, we now we truly feel like family and feel like family amongst each other's families. I don't love him any more or feel more committed to him - I already deeply loved him, and always felt totally committed to our relationship. But its just a bigger sense of calm and contentment in knowing that we are married
Again, I'm not exactly putting the words out there correctly to describe it - but its close
Moehick
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Alot is different for us. We didn't live together before so getting adjusted to each other was a big change, but a great one
I think it is as simple as this...Boyfriend and Girlfriend is nice but Husband and Wife is FAMILY. That is the biggest difference with being married.
xjulietx
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
A lot was different for us because we didn't live together. But even if you take away the whole idea of getting used to each other, I think it is different. I think you treat each other differently because of the commitment that was made. We took vows in a church, in front of God, our family and friends. We are spiritually and legally bound to one another. We think before we say cruel hurtful things and we don't run for the door when one person says something we don't like. We have disagreements but something about marriage has made us try harder to work them out whereas when we were dating we might not waste time.
I think the marital commitment makes people want to work harder to correct problems and settle arguments. You want to make things work and beat the odds.
june262004
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Well I guess I should answer this.
Mike and I were together for 9 years before we got married (this May it will be 10 years) I thought nothing is going to change we know everything about each other already. Well it is different. He lived here for like 3 months before the wedding. I would stay here (and clean cause he is a slob ) Lots of my stuff was here. But my bed was still at home so once in a while id go home to make my mom happy. Things just feel different IN A GREAT WAY. Sharing Money is a huge thing. I feel like I spend SO much and it is mostly his money since he makes more then me. That is a huge adjustment. BUT I really do think a big difference is Saying my HUSBAND. And him calling me his WIFE. It just sounds so good.
TwoBugs
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Posted by xjulietx
I think the marital commitment makes people want to work harder to correct problems and settle arguments. You want to make things work and beat the odds.
I think this sums it up nicely.
DH and I have been together almost 7 years and lived together about 4 years before we were married. I was one of those people who thought nothing would change. And while I don't see a difference in our day to day life, there is a deeper meaning to all of it now.
CubanBride
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
I am not a newleywed, but I am grateful for this thread.
christy
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
For us a lot has changed. We were together almost 8 years before we were married and never lived together. When we got married we had to live in my basement apartment which was not an ideal way to start off a marriage. We lived in my grandfather's house and it was stressful. When we got into our condo we truly felt married! We love our place, and being able to come home to one another each day. We love that it is our own place! We worked very hard to pay for our entire wedding, so we were very good at pooling our money and paying things off. Joining bills hasnt been too bad. We still sit sometimes and say that we cant believe after all this time we finally live together, and have our own place. It is so great and so different from life pre-marriage.
tourist
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
I think it is too early for us to say if anything changed. I still feel caught up in a whirlwind. We werent' livng togother when we got engaed, but we wer etoggether 4 weeknights 7 the wntire weekends, so we were very used to eatign 7 shopping together & stuff lie that. He move din with me 3 moths befor eout weddign, b/c my apartment was broken into & I didn't want to be alone, but things did change when we got married. We had to move, so out new place, is defitnely more :ours' & we are now in the proc ess of combinging our moeny , ev en though we had been gradually combining morew & more thing, so its not weird. Everything is 'ours' it is just in different places right now.
palebride
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
A lot has changed, although I didn't realize it until I started to really think about it. Tom and I lived about 40 minutes apart before we were married, so we only saw each other on weekends....this is our first time living together, and the first time not living in my parent's house except for college - which didn't really count because i was always in a dorm. I love being a wife - i love taking care of him, and doing little things for him to make him happy, like bringing him a mug of hot chocolate as a surprise while he's playing a video game. And I love finding little surprises from him, like little post-it notes that say 'I Love You' in the morning. I feel older, more responsible.....and yet, still young enough that I can't imagine that I'm 29 years old. But there is a serenity attached to being married, a feeling that you can't quite describe, it's just there... It's wonderful!
reallybehind!
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
for me, i don't think anything has really changed. we lived together for about 8 months before the wedding. and before that i had lived on my own in another state from my whole family for two years. so i was used to responsibilties, being careful with money etc etc. and those 8 months gave us a chance to get the kinks worked out. there really weren't any though, except for him being messy.
i think it was an easy transistion b/c we didn't really seperate things into this is your job and this is my job. if there were dirty dishes one of us would do them, if dinner needed to be made then one of us would do it. there has never been a problem with one of us doing more than the other.
i think if we hadn't lived together beforehand i might feel differently though... but to me it's same old same old (in a good way!).
1017Bride
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Jackie, I am in a very similar situation to you. All the things you said regarding living apart and being an hour away and only seeing each other on weekends was all true for us. So based on that, there are a lot of changes for me too, all based on living in Queens instead of Suffolk County.
Annette
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Re: Spinoff: what has changed since you've been married?
Although DH & I finally started living together about 10 mos. before the wedding, for the first few months, it was a secret b/c my family is tres traditional. I told them just before we got engaged (was supposed to be the other way 'round, but he kept having to delay it and I told my landlord that I'd be out of my apt. officially as of 1/31/03). It was very difficult, but that freedom to say that we were together was a huge change for the better. After marrying in Nov., I do see that the $ issue is what keeps popping up for me. I make more than him right now only b/c he owns his own co. and their cash flow is inconsistent. They're a successful co., but it's not the same as my bi-monthly payment coming in steadily. My checks go towards bill payments and sometimes I find it hard to breathe. Although we have a nice savings, which is a blessing, I also don't want to eat away at it.
On a positive note, I do feel even MORE connected to him and yes, knowing he is family has made us tighter - we're in this together, for life. That's our wish, at least. We're also fortunate to love ea. other's family and now we feel our family has grown. Very exciting.
