Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

Hello Brides...

I hate to vent but...

Am I the only one that encounters people that are BITTER about marriage??? I mean, I just got married, shouldn't people have a little more hope for my benefit???

Here's an example... Someone (anyone!) will ASK ME how marriage is going and I'll say, 'I love it,' or '...it's great' blah blah blah, and they say, 'Oh, it's because your a newlywed...it will all change' or 'Mine was great too, in the beginning but then it becomes horrible, you'll see' or 'He'll cook now, but wait--it'll go down hill before you know it...' or AAAAGGGGHHHH!!! I could go on and on... You know my husbands parents have been married for 35 years HAPPILY!!! I'm sure there are a lot more like them... Why do people just dwell on the negative... I NOW find MYSELF saying to people, 'well it's still new & I really love being married and well you never know...' I'm a realist & the product of divorced parents, but why should I put my joy on the back burner b/c of other's bitterness??? I believe in marraige! Both sets of my grandparents were married until death parted them... I've just been so bombarded w/ anti marriage comments that I feel bad about being married and happy....

AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! Anyone else hearing this or is there some special sign on my head that reads, 'IF YOU HATE MARRIAGE SHARE YOUR COMMENTS WITH ONLY ME'

Thanks for giving me the space...

Ayanna--Anubride

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

I totally agree. I have gotten a lot of 'SO....how is it going?' I will respond positively (because I really am happy) and people seem almost surprised. I can`t really understand why. Did they honestly think I would have gotten married if I didn`t think I wanted to be with him. Then they always lead into how in the beginning they were happy too and then it changed.

Oh well, I am sorry some people are so unhappy, but don`t force that on me!

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

Are we all talking to the same people? LOL It doesn`t always bother me, just when I`m PMSing... I`m not sure why it`s such a common thing but I just hope the day never comes when I am one of those people! Rejoice in your happiness and try not to let them get to you. Ayanna, your inlaws and grandparents are proof that love can last. My grandparents were married for almost 72 years before they both died within a month of each other (the second one died 3 days before their anniversary) and I believe they were always happy, even through ups and downs. I always saw them do kind things for each other. :o) I try to do that with my hubby too.

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

I agree with you all. I didn't really notice it until I read your posts and you are right.

My husband and I both come from divorced and remarried parents and don't have very good role models when it comes to marriage. In fact there is only one marriage in either of our families that I can think of that are actually still married. And even they aren't happy.

That is why I am totally dertermined to make this work! Marriage is about staying together through thick and thin. Let's not let these people get us down -- let's try to make a new generation of happily married woman!

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

I can totally relate to all of you, lol and I can add another to the simmering pot. I was married once before and I sometimes STILL get you had one bad marriage why on earth would you do it again. RRRRRRRRRR.

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

We were together for 9 years before we got married, and hubby likes to joke about that, telling others you have to wait that long to be sure you found the right one. That doesn't bother me, but what does get to me is how others react when they hear we waited so long, like I was some kind of fool to stick with him for 9 years without getting a ring. They seem to assume that I was just waiting all that time for him to propose, and don't consider that there may have been other reasons for waiting. I usually just ignore the reaction and change the subject.

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

Let`s face it, there are just a lot of bitter, angry people in this world who don`t like to see others be happy.

We`ve been married just over three months now, and we still get people asking, 'So, how`s married life?' And what`s getting annoying to me, besides the rude comments that came like ones already mentioned, is that those who are still asking are the ones who keep asking nearly every single time they see me, which is a couple times a week.

We had been living together for about five years when our wedding day finally came, and everyone who knew us, knew it was our financial situation for us not being married sooner. So, what would really change now that we are married?

What I find amazing is that these people think I might actually tell them there were problems (if there were any)!

Oh, and since we`re sharing things that tick us off .. how about this one .. I`ve been in my day job for several years, and in a position where I`m introduced on a fairly regular basis for about the past 2 years. Can you believe, after being married for over 3 months, people are still slipping back to using my maiden name, or refuse to even try to learn how to correctly pronounce the new name, which is more difficult. Oh, they ask how to say it, but they either 'conveniently' slip back to my maiden name, or just try to avoid using my last name. And the people doing it were at my wedding, so it`s not like the day slipped past them. I feel the adjustment period should be over, and I find this disrespectful. Am I wrong?

Stuff that P***es Me OFF!!!

I don't get a lot of negative comments. But I have put on some weight since the wedding (from a size 4 to a 6). So I am getting alot of questions about being pregnant and how skinny I used to be.

WOW!! Natasha - talk about people being out of line!! *NM*

A Different View

I look at it another way. Many people who say those things (at least to me) are saying it in a joking manner. I take it that their comments are attempts at humor (albeit, poor attempts) and are not meant maliciously. However, some comments are not for humor and I just feel sorry for them. For me, I know that I love my husband and no-one's negative comments can change that :-)

That used to be me!!!

Unfortuately I must say that some of these behaviors used to be mine (such as why would you want to get married again?). I was married for 18 years (22 by the time the divorce was final)and just totally anti-marriage. Yes it was that bad!!! However that was my hurt and misery talking and once I left my ex I realized that it wasn't marriage in general that I had a problem with, it was my ex! After swearing off marriage forever...well here I am almost 4 months into marriage again and I have never ever been happier. I am without a doubt as pro-marriage as anyone could be!!

I think that those who say wait til things get bad must not be very happy themselves so they don't want anyone else to be either. Just don't let them get to you. Enjoy every moment and you will prove to them how wrong they are!!!

Kel

I went from a difficult last name to an easier one but since I had that 'difficult to pronounce' last name for so many years, I can relate to the butchering of the last name. People seem to not even try to get it right so no doubt some of your co-workers are probably 'conveniently forgetting' to use your married name. Sometimes it was humorous, sometimes it annoyed me so much. When I was in high school, a teacher said to my mother 'Oh you`re daughter is the tall girl with the funny last name' and my mother said 'What`s so funny about it?' He didn`t know what to say to that. If you feel the desire, correct someone if they use your maiden name. Difficult or not, that`s your new last name and people will eventually have to accept & respect it. After having a hard one, I have the utmost respect for people`s last names and try to pronounce and spell them right. So some of us do try :o)

last names & inane comments

yep- spent most of my life with a LOOOONNGG last name that most people have a hard time with...so I am used to hearing very strange versions of it! Actually, I applaude people who get it right. ( still use maiden neame at work)

AS far as those dumb comments, I still get teh 'SO has married life?' and this is 1-1/2yrs now. Not everyone has social skills, so this is what they ask.
Some of these people also asked me on my wedding day 'SO, when r u having kids?'
just smile,laugh at them and say 'we'll see.'

Thank Goodness...

...I thought it was just me..All of you are so right and we really are happy and that's what matters... My Hubby gets that comments too & he hates them as much as we do!!!

I also get the negative 'you waited so long' comments because we waited 6 1/2 years to get married... But I also got a really nice comment...One time when I said that we dated 6 1/2 years the person said, '...that's great, it means you've been married all along! No wonder you're so happy!' I beamed after that one:-)!!!

And the last name thing is an issue b/c we took each other's name & they are long, but sometimes people just flip to my maiden name or call him by his last name... It doesn't bother me too much, and my staff and colleagues have been wonderful and use both names (albeit LONG!) and I'm thankful! And my hubby had his business cards changed to reflect both names too!!! I LOVE THIS MAN:-)!!!!

I am so happy that I'm not alone in this and that there are some other happy married people!!! We all have ups and downs but that's what this is about!!! Good Luck & God Bless to all of you and thank you for the support!!!

Ayanna-Anubride

Thank Goodness...

Ayanna-thats sooo nice that you both have both names ! thats very sweet!

As far as peoples comments, I think that will never change. We dated 51/2 years before we got engaged and all those years I heard 'wheres the ring' then you hear 'hows married life?' and then 'plan to have kids ??' I think the baby question is especially a personal one that people should learn not to ask. A friend of the family has been married for over 7-8 years and people have always asked 'so HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO WAIT TO HAVE A BABY ??????????????????' and my mom is not one to ask that (ok,at least not outside of her immediate family!), so one day in private her mom told my mom that her daughter has been having trouble having children..
Do we have to TELL PEOPLE THESE Things in order to shut them up ? I feel so bad for this girl.... I'm sure people still ask her, and she has every right NOT to tell them her personal business..
I think everyone that asks personal questions such as these, even if they ask once thats fine, but people that ask ALL THE TIME need to find a hobby ! I really think its annoying at times.
Oh, the best is when you respond 'soon' they say 'huh, youre pregnant, you think ?' UGHHHHH it never stops....

God Bless and thanks for listening !

ciao :)

anna

Elizabeth

There are people who I only had to tell once how to say my new name, and that was it .. never a problem. What`s tricky about the new name, is that it looks a lot different than it sounds. As for correcting people, I`ve tried that. These people just keep reverting back to the old name, no matter how much I do point out when they slip, or how often I remind them before getting started. I mean, we go from one minute talking about how many times they`ve missed my name, to them doing it all over again the very next minute. :(

What`s even crazier is that when I started this job, no one could pronounce my maiden name, until I told them a funny word it rhymes with. No such luck with the new name, though. But at this point, it`s not even completely a matter that most of these people don`t know how to say it, it`s that those who do know simply keep 'forgetting' to use it despite my efforts to remind them.

Babies

I`ve been hit by this question quite frequently, and Anna brings up a good point .. this a very personal subject .. maybe for whatever reason the couple can`t have a baby .. but what about the couple that chooses not to have a baby. My husband and I aren`t quite sure on this yet. We do know that right now is just definitely not the right time for us at all .. we both have our own agendas and priorities. But what if that never changes for us, and we go through our married life without having kids.

Sometimes this world makes it almost seem criminal for married couples not to have kids. Well, I ask this .. Should we all just have kids to have kids? Should we be guilted into having children?? Shouldn`t we be applauded for standing firm in our belief that maybe we`re just not the right kind of people to have kids? Afterall, there`s no going back. You can`t after three months, 2 years, etc. say you don`t want the child anymore.

Don`t get me wrong, I think kids are great. I love my niece and nephew, and have taught horseback riding to some really amazing children who I watched grow into adults. But, when I think about raising my own, okay, I get nervous as most people do, but I also know I`m such a crazy workaholic that it`s probably not a good mix. With all the garbage going on with broken households, child abuse, etc., isn`t it good that we recognize our household, at least for right now, is not the best environment for a child??

Babies

The baby thing is tough for me because I always wanted to have children but it's not in the plan for us - we've decided for a number of reasons that it's not right for us to have a child. I'm almost 45 but look younger (hubby is younger too, and looks it) and when people find out we're newlyweds they keep saying 'when you have children...' - especially when we were househunting. I don't want to correct them and say we don't plan on having kids, but it's hard to listen to it and smile too... We have considered adopting an older child at some point when we're a bit more financially settled so maybe...

Babies

No one should have to feel obligated to answer in one way or another, but unfortunately we have to say something. Sometimes I just dont want to answer people in detail, its not anyones business when you plan to start trying or not. sometimes i feel like embarassing someone and saying... 'well i should be ovulating next week, so call me to follow up on that question next month !' lol... or if you answer 'yeah, one day' they say 'well do you at least talk about it ??' and depending on how close to the person i am, i feel like answering 'MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINES!'.......

As far as my own perspective on having kids, we do love children, and we plan to start trying soon! There I told you all just because you didnt ask ! lol.

Kel-I think its great that you acknowledge that you have so much going on in your life that you might not be able to devote as much time to a child that you feel necessary, i think thats a very respectable decision. Youre right there are too many people that have kids 'just to have kids'.
Karen, I had those same lines when we were house hunting, 'plenty of rooms for the kids'...I guess sometimes you have to smile and move along, but i know it can be very fustrating. I admire anyone that adopts children or is thinking about it. God Bless you !

:)
anna

Thank Goodness...

I too, have experienced people asking the dredded, 'how's married life?' question. It seems like they're fishing to see if you have somehow changed your mind! However, I have also had several people ask the silly question and when I respond, 'wonderful!' they say - 'yes, I think it is too!' At least that's a refreshingly different answer! :)

Regarding the baby topic - I admire all of you ladies who are very realistic about whether to have or have not. Having a family is definitely not something to be taken lightly, and I agree that only those people who would consider it a blessing should pursue it. I think it's extraordinarily rude for people to ask or to assume what your plans are for a family.

Perhaps people just get so tied up in what was traditional years ago when our parents and grandparents married. Back then, the primary reason people married was to have a family. Today, couples have more choices regarding lifestyle, and women have more choices regarding careers. I applaud those of you who have given a tremendous amount of consideration to your lives and made a very personal decision regarding family plans.
Good luck and God bless...!!