TGI FUNNIES 1/7/11

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Beware of potential tongue-twisters when reading aloud in English class. 'Big black clock' can easily be misread. #LFMF
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If an attractive co-worker says she's hungry, never offer her a bite of your slim jim by saying 'Would you like some of my meat stick?' Especially if you are attending a sexual harassment meeting. #LFMF
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Never leave an easy button on your night stand when having sex with your wife, you might roll over and press it. She will not be happy. #LFMF
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If your car is missing from the driveway in the morning, check to see if your husband surprised you by cleaning the garage in the middle of the night to get it out of the snow. Before calling the police. #LFMF
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When using a personal 'toy' make sure your roommate has really decided to go to practice. It felt good going in. After sitting there for three hours with it in… well not so much. #LFMF
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It is not a good idea to take a slurp of coke in the middle of a particularly funny comedy. The people in front of you in the cinema will not like you much. #LFMF
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(773):

We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
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(732):

just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
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(314):

I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
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(409):

The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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(920):

sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
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(202):

Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
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(+44):

I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
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(608):

just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed '24 hour' it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
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(+44):

Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
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Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted 'to make the fish smell like lemons'. FML
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Today, I was on the plane asleep. I woke up after feeling the plane jolt and I screamed at the top of my lungs. The little girl next to me told me I was a sissy. Everyone on the plane laughed. FML
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Today, at work, I was asked to sharpen some pencils. I'm an electronics and mechanics engineer, and while I understand it's been quite a while since I was in primary school, I still wonder why my boss felt the need to explain in minute detail how to sharpen a pencil. FML
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Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that 'mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop.' FML
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Today, I was called high maintenance for insisting my name be spelled correctly on my diploma. FML
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Today, my 2 year-old son decided to pee on the dog for the second day in a row. I'm afraid this will turn into a routine thing. FML
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Today, in gym class, we were forced to learn the 'Hoedown Throwdown' dance, by Miley Cyrus. This will actually be counted toward my grade. I'm in high school. FML
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Today, I went to the toilet during drama, not because I had to actually go, but because I wanted to play Monopoly on my iPod. I lost track of time and came back twenty minutes later. My whole class listened while I was forced to tell my teacher I'd been really constipated. FML
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i think thats the end.

Re: TGI FUNNIES 1/7/11

the kid witht he icec ream looks like spencer pratt

Re: TGI FUNNIES 1/7/11

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Posted by grkbarbie

the kid witht he icec ream looks like spencer pratt

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belly laughing....

Re: TGI FUNNIES 1/7/11

@ the steam vagina question and response!

Re: TGI FUNNIES 1/7/11