Toast

What would you do if you Future brother in law made the toast at your wedding and didn't mention you?

sadly i've seen this happen before at a wedding--the best man gives a speech and basically talks about JUST the groom and all the good times they had.

i have no idea what i'd do---i'd be rather hurt by it...that's for sure

Just be hurt and talk to my DH about later so he is aware of my feeling.

Did this happen to you

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Posted by gemmifer

Just be hurt and talk to my DH about later so he is aware of my feeling.

Did this happen to you

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I agree ... I don't think I would DO anything, besides make my DH aware of my feelings ...

What's done is done ... its not like BIL could go back in time and change anything ....

our BM didnt mention me....but there were issues around his speech so he cut it short.

Lets just say it was an emotionally trying for him to be BM let alone to give a speech so it was completely ok with it

Yes, it happened to me. I was so upset. I mentioned it to my DH and is going to see his brother today and he said he going to say something. I was so hurt and when I came back from my honeymoon and went back to work, a few of the partners and attorneys mentioned it to me.
That made it even worse. Then my sister in law and mom said something to me.

Same thing happened at my friend's wedding. We work together and I was her BM/MOH and the CEO of our company who was a guest actually came over to me and said, what kinda crappp was that? You have to make a speech and talk about all the great things about her, go on, get the mike. LOL So I ended up making a speech about the BOTH of them, emphasizing a bit on her since I'm more her friend, you know?

At this point, I don't think there's anything to DO per se. I would simply speak to your DH and express how much this has hurt you. I think it's important to remember that sometimes, guys are just guys and don't really think 'feelings' things through as much as we'd like. Has your BM been to many weddings in the past? Maybe he's like my friend's BM and thought that he was supposed to talk about the groom only?

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Posted by mariaobride

I guess it is a bit weird and I would be offended. I did a speech at my sisters wedding and in fact I mentioned my BIL more than I mentioned her, but still both of them were in my speech. Do you think it was intentional?

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yeah my sister gave a speech and started crying... talking abut how much we all loved DH and how perfect he was for our family... (but mostly b/c he is now a step father to my otherwise fatherless kid)

to the OP: how is your relationship with your BIL?

perhaps it was just an over sight? maybe he was nervous & didnt know what the speech should have been?

I am not sure why he did it. The brothers girlfriend doesn't like me (jealously, i would say) so I think that it might have been done intentionally. I think my DH is more upset than I am. He didn't like the speech at all. His brother has been to other weddings and is a smart guy. It is over with and I told my DH that there was nothing we could do. He still insists on saying something to his brother today. I am staying out of it.

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Posted by DCW 2008

Yes, it happened to me. I was so upset. I mentioned it to my DH and is going to see his brother today and he said he going to say something. I was so hurt and when I came back from my honeymoon and went back to work, a few of the partners and attorneys mentioned it to me.
That made it even worse. Then my sister in law and mom said something to me.

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I am really sorry to hear this Some of my DH's siblings never even came up to me once at the wedding to congratulate me they went over to him and handed him the card never acknowledging meas I stood next to my DH. That killed me like NO other. We had the talk during our HM and he did address it on some level. They came up with cockamamie stories - it still doesn't sit well with me. It is something I will NEVER forget but learn to deal with. You can't change it, hopefully this BIL will warm up over time and or apologize for the over site.

Awww, i totally know how you feel. My BIL gave the only toast at our wedding. He mentioned me, though only at the very end and for like, 3 sentences. They were a lovely 3 sentences and told a quick little story about how DH felt about me, but that was it. The kicker was he started out his speech saying how beautiful SIL looked (inside family joke about she always has to be the center of attention-i see the irony but it was not appropriate for his toast at MY wedding)

Thing is, BIL is a writer for a living, so his speech was truly phenomenal, it was, people were raving about it.....but it didn't talk about 'us', it only talked about DH. And my BMs afterward were running up to me saying how sorry they were and if they knew they totally would have grown the balls to get up there and make a toast to talk about me. I guess I just got over it, I didn't even say anything honestly though I wish I did, but that's because I just didn't even want to get into it, but I can see how why you're so upset. I just can't believe he didn't mention you at all! I don't know what I'd say.

Maybe we should make a new LI wedding board for Future BIL. lol

I know it stinks, but I wouldn't bother talking to him about it now......unfortunately most guys only thing about reflecting on their relationship w/ the groom instead of focusing on the couple, or tying in the bride somehow (which is why I looked over my DH's speech at his best friends wedding last year!

if it makes you feel better, at my BIL's wedding a few years ago the best man brought up a gift box w/ him for his speech.......WELL inside was a sweatshirt (just one btw) that he was giving to the bride & groom as a gift, and guess what, it was covered w/ his company's logo that he had just started, so really he chose to make his toast an advertisement to all the guests in attendance as he held up the sweatshirt......the groom's side kind of understood, but the brides side was perplexed since they had no clue he had even started a business. hope that makes you feel better!!! that was by far the worst speech I've witnessed!!

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Posted by gemmifer

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Posted by DCW 2008

Yes, it happened to me. I was so upset. I mentioned it to my DH and is going to see his brother today and he said he going to say something. I was so hurt and when I came back from my honeymoon and went back to work, a few of the partners and attorneys mentioned it to me.
That made it even worse. Then my sister in law and mom said something to me.

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I am really sorry to hear this Some of my DH's siblings never even came up to me once at the wedding to congratulate me they went over to him and handed him the card never acknowledging meas I stood next to my DH. That killed me like NO other. We had the talk during our HM and he did address it on some level. They came up with cockamamie stories - it still doesn't sit well with me. It is something I will NEVER forget but learn to deal with. You can't change it, hopefully this BIL will warm up over time and or apologize for the over site.

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DH's siblings were amazing at our wedding, it was DH's parents that didn't say a word to me the entire day! No congratulations and no card was given to us. It bothers me, but I don't make a big deal over it. I will never forget it either. They hardly said anything to DH unless he went up to them to talk, but I didn't bother going up to them, it was OUR day not THERES! Sorry to vent on your post.

I would hope it was an honest mistake...

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Posted by DCW 2008

Yes, it happened to me. I was so upset. I mentioned it to my DH and is going to see his brother today and he said he going to say something. I was so hurt and when I came back from my honeymoon and went back to work, a few of the partners and attorneys mentioned it to me.
That made it even worse. Then my sister in law and mom said something to me.

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I'd be upset. Do you think it was intentional?

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