Trouble in Paradise

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Posted by luvFH2008

Yes - he knows this and is still not showing me.

He thinks it's an insult to him of me not trusting him but doesn't see that clearly there's a reason why.

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it sounds like he isnt showing you out of principle guys are such aholes sometimes. if the only way that you are going to feel better is to find out who he called, then keep pushing the issue. good luck & let us know how it goes

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Posted by luvFH2008

Yes - he knows this and is still not showing me.

He thinks it's an insult to him of me not trusting him but doesn't see that clearly there's a reason why.

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I agree that I think there may be a reason why, I'm hoping for your sake that its because he is trying to surprise you with something for the holidays.

However, I know if this were my DH, he would be hurt that I even had to ask him to see his phone, but he would understand, especially if I caught him in a lie just recently! Tell your DH for piece of mind you need to see who he called, and if he's his mom or friend, you could then apologize, ya know?

Otherwise, are you guys on a family chat thing? You can always look online to see who he called at what time. But honestly I really don't see that as the best approach, I think your DH should be the one to show you.

I understand him being pissed you dont trust him....

But if he is innocent why dosent hejust show you so he can prove his point of you being crazy not to trust him???

Hmmmm.....I feel like if DH accused me Id be pissed but Id show him the phone as a way to say look ahole ii was calling my brother or whatever

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Posted by luvFH2008

The only reason I am suspicious is because of how it was done - I don't understand what man would leave the apartment at midnight in order to make a call and what woman would tolerate it? He is not the type to cheat - he shows love to me on a daily basis - however am I wrong for feeling like this even though I know his actions were unbelievably shady?

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Unless it was an emergency, what call would you make at that time? And if it were and emergency, wouldn't he just tell you what is going on?

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Posted by lizzie217

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Posted by yelley77

I think if you are suspicious, then something is not right. And for him to not show you his phone to ease your fears makes me feel a little uneasy, so I can imagine how you are feeling.

I truly believe that a woman always knows the truth in her gut.

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While I agree with Yelley I also want to play devils advocate and point out that sometimes you can get something your head and make yourself paranoid. I f DH is up to something you will find out...sometimes we over analyze and make ourselves crazy and you could have fallen victim to this

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ITA, but being on both ends of it (making things up in my head and it actually happening), there is DEFINITELY a difference. My ex did weird things here and there and i would think to myself, omg, he's cheating, but in my heart i knew he wasn't. Then one days while we were out, he said something random, i got a knot in my stomach and just knew something was different. i followed my gut, and paid close attention to his actions in the next week (falling asleep when i was over at 9 pm, claiming to be tired from work, mind you he was the biggest night owl EVER and would never go to be before 2 am, i'd try to call him and his phone would go to voicmail so many times, all of a sudden there were theses 'new people from work' that he always wanted to be around, etc)... turns out, my gut was right, he was cheating.

Check his call log on his phone when he goes into the shower, copy down any suspicious numbers and look them up on white pages.com

This is how my cousin found out her bf was cheating!

but, there's nothing that's coming up he wants to suprise you with? A birthday soon or within a couple of months? I know a lot of people have surprise parties for them in advance to completely throw them off.

I hope this works out for you, please keep us posted.

Thinking about you and hoping everything worked it self out

I know a bunch of people already said this, but I would definitely be suspicious if he won't show you who he was on the phone with. I can understand him being insulted by your lack of trust if you asked to see his phone for no reason. But since you have a very good reason, he should be willing to tell you who he was talking to because he should realize that of course you are going to think some thing's up if he's outside in the middle of the night on the phone. I think he needs to just give in and tell you who he was talking to because it seems like it's causing some major trust issues within your marriage. If it was a friend with a personal problem or his mother, he doesn't have to tell you what they talked about , but he should at least be able to prove to you that it wasn't another woman. And if it was something about a present or surprise for you, he could just say that without telling you what it is. Good luck!

If he doesn't want to show the phone - sounds like something is up.
If he has nothing to hide it wouldn't matter. He is not telling you for a reason. What that reason is - i dono

If you insist on seeing things and he still becomes edgy you might make him into a better liar. I think you should play it cool - don't led on that your suspicious and try to learn things when he thinks your not on to him.

I am guessing if you get a hold of his phone it wouldn't matter b/c all the #'s would be deleted.

It could be nothing but ... if it were me I would think something STINKS

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Posted by luvFH2008

Yes - he knows this and is still not showing me.

He thinks it's an insult to him of me not trusting him but doesn't see that clearly there's a reason why.

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I think if the tables were turned and his wife was the one sneaking out of the house to make private calls and not revealing the caller when confronted, he would not be so understanding, and I don't think he'd buy your argument that you're insulted he doesn't trust you so it's just the principle that you're not revealing the caller... I would think he'd demand to know who it was... anyone would I think...

I'm sorry you're going through this... it def sounds shady... I do hope like pp's said that it could just be something so innocent as him just planning something for you...

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Posted by gemmifer

If he doesn't want to show the phone - sounds like something is up.
If he has nothing to hide it wouldn't matter. He is not telling you for a reason. What that reason is - i dono

If you insist on seeing things and he still becomes edgy you might make him into a better liar. I think you should play it cool - don't led on that your suspicious and try to learn things when he thinks your not on to him.

I am guessing if you get a hold of his phone it wouldn't matter b/c all the #'s would be deleted.

It could be nothing but ... if it were me I would think something STINKS

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ITA!!!

If he is hiding something, by now those #'s are probably gone from his call log... The only way to get ahold of them would be looking at the bill... also if you have access to his email maybe you can find an email that references the call?

I would lay low, but keep my eyes wide open, without letting him know I'm keeping my eyes wide open, ya know... I would make him think like i've forgotten all about it and act like everything is normal... If you continue confronting him, and he is hiding something, he's not going to come out and reveal it now or he would've done so from the start... he will keep his guard up though if he sees you keep persisting and you're onto him, and he'll find sneakier ways of covering his tracks if he thinks you're suspicious... which will only make it harder for you to find out what really is going on...

I'm not condoning snooping, and I'm not saying you have reason to snoop because again, it could just be something as innocent as a surprise party he's planning or a gift, or something of that nature... but if you're given good reason to suspect your spouse of wrongdoing, then I say all's fair, snoop away...

Don't let this get to you, because you'll make yourself paranoid and you'll start reading into things too much, seeing stuff that may not be there and your mind will find a way to make every innocent action seem suspicious... but keep a clear head, and keep an eye on his actions, any patterns, etc.

Only you know your DH, your relationship, and if your gut tells you something's not right...

We're here if you need us...

I am just praying for you and hoping this all is really just a misunderstanding, but you and your dh really need to sit and talk, like the other girls said if the tables were turned he would not be so understanding, but at the same time do not think the worse, but you will be in my prayers.

hi girls,
so had a long talk w/ dh and he admitted he was completely wrong and should not have left our apartment - at that point i didn't bother looking at this phone b/c he obviously must have deleted the call log- he also admitted he should have showed me the phone when i asked and told me who he was talking to although i wanted to see on my own. i am definitely keeping my eyes and ears open and being cautious - i did take down a number from his phone but i have to pay to track the owner - does anyone know how to do this? and i don't want to call it b/c i don't want him thinking i did something so crazy.
Thanks for all your support girls

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Posted by luvFH2008

hi girls,
so had a long talk w/ dh and he admitted he was completely wrong and should not have left our apartment - at that point i didn't bother looking at this phone b/c he obviously must have deleted the call log- he also admitted he should have showed me the phone when i asked and told me who he was talking to although i wanted to see on my own. i am definitely keeping my eyes and ears open and being cautious - i did take down a number from his phone but i have to pay to track the owner - does anyone know how to do this? and i don't want to call it b/c i don't want him thinking i did something so crazy.
Thanks for all your support girls

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what if you went on 411.com and did a reverse look up!

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Posted by luvFH2008

in order to get the person's name - i need to pay like $15

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worth it for piece of mind