Tuesday FUNNIES 1/4/11

This is a cake idea that I’ve seen before, and it’s genius for multiple reasons: * Cheap: You cannot have a cheaper wedding cake, in terms of a legitimate “wedding cake,” i.e. nothing out of a Betty Crocker box. This has height, shape and density just like a real wedding cake would. * Easy: Screw organizing the cake details months in advance. Just get the flower girl and ring bearer to make this Little Debbie-Twinkie cake the morning of the Big Day. They’ll be perfectly capable. * Delicious: This entire cake is stuffed with a processed cream filling. Need I say more?

Is it bad that I’m too distracted by this bride’s outfit to care about her role playing stabbery game? She’s got an “I Dream of Jeannie” thing going on and I’m confused by it. Is the color nice on her? Yes. Does she look beautiful? Sure. But when you pair an ice blue gown with 60s hair and a long veil and then you pretend to murder your husband with a cake knife all I can do is wonder why.


Don’t be sad, little dude. It’s just a few hours over a single day. You can handle it. If you think this is bad, just wait til you get to high school! Then you’ll wish you could trade every day for a boring wedding in someone’s backyard. Trust me.















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When cleaning out someone else's apartment, if there is something in the box of cat toys that looks like a dead bird, do not assume that it is not, in fact, a dead bird. #LFMF
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Never try and startle your cat, especially if he is using the litter at the time #LFMF
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If you are going to put moisturizer on your face without looking in the mirror, take your glasses off first. #LFMF
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Never, ever say 'It's so cute!' the first time you see your boyfriend's… ummm… you know. 16 years and a break up later he'll still remind you of it. #LFMF
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If you notice a fresh dog pee stain on your carpet, take note of where it is. Or at least put some shoes on before you step in it. Twice. #LFMF
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(315):

Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
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(512):

Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
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you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called 'the new years bowel remover'. it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
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(404):

we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
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(631):

You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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(905):

Couple in the hotel room next to me keep *******. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
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Today, I took my daughter to the library instead of the pool. I sat her on the counter and, while I reached for my library card, she turned to the librarian and said 'We didn't go to the pool today because Mum has hairy legs.' FML
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Today, I discovered after four hours of vomiting that it is very much possible to vomit so hard you can't help but **** in your trousers. My boyfriend is currently staying over, too. FML
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Today, while changing my clothes, my 3 year old daughter informed me that I looked like a zebra. Noticing my shocked face, she tried comforting me by telling me I was a pretty zebra because I was a purple zebra. She was talking about my stretch marks. FML
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Today, it was my first day back to school after break. I wasn't feeling well, but I decided to go anyway. I threw up in the hallway and **** myself at the same time. I waited in the office for my dad to come and get me for almost an hour while wearing dirty underwear. FML
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Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
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Today, I wrestled my boyfriend's PC out of his lap and jumped on him for a hot quickie. Turns out he was playing a game involving the use of his webcam and could hear his game partner cheering him on through his headphones. FML
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i'm sure there'll be more to come

Re: Tuesday FUNNIES 1/4/11

It would be wonderful if they actually wore those suits to both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding. I’m tired of all this, “We got into character for our save-the-date but for the wedding we’re dressing in formal wear” crap. Commit to the cause, people! Wear space suits like you mean it!









There would be more.. but i have work to do.