ugh, family stuff.... how would you feel?

thanks everyone for your good wishes for DH and I and the baby

I not only told you guys yesterday, I also told my extended family.... If any of you recall the story, when we got married, one cousin didn't reply right away to the invitation. I thought they didn't get it, but my aunt said they did. I found out that his wife didn't want to take the 3 kids out of school and travel to our wedding (they live several hundred miles away). So, after I emailed them weeks after the RSVP deadline, my cousin said he would attend alone. Well, he missed the wedding becuase his wife felt ill (bad back), and he couldn't leave them alone with the kids....

The major gripe that I have with this situation is that I live in the same town as the kids grandpa, and it wouldn't have been too stressful to stay with him and attend the wedding. Also, they never acknowledged my bridal shower or sent a wedding card. (I did receive an appology email for not attending the wedding due to CIL's illness) I should add that since our wedding date, they have returned to the tristate area TWO TIMES for friend's weddings.... taking their kids out of school both times.

So, now I'm pregnant. My aunt is right now visiting their house. I left a message on my aunt's cell phone and email my cousin/CIL to tell them the news. My aunt called me back as soon as she got the message... but my cousin's family never replied.

I found out from my aunt that my CIL read the email, ran down the stairs and said 'you never told me she was PREGNANT?!!!!' My aunt said 'well, I didn't KNOW she was either!' Proof the email was read, once again.

What the #ell? No one sentence blurb of contratulations in response to the email? Instead, she accuses my aunt of keeping a secret, as if I would tell some people sooner than others?!

I swear there is something super-duper wrong with my relationship with my cousin and his wife.

what do you think of this situation?

Some people are really clueless about others feelings Im sorry that they are being like this and I have quite a few people like that in my family like around Christmas when we all got together and I told my cousins they were like oh thats cool and turned around and started talking to others . We are here for you though and are very happy for you

Hmmm .... well, when I read the beginning of your post about your CIL having a bad back, so your cousin wasn't able to make it to your wedding b/c she couldn't be left alone with the kids .... I was *about* to defend her, since I have been in that situation. Though I guess he could have brought the kids to their grandfather's house for the night, IF she was ok to be left alone. Is it possible that her back was so bad, she couldn't have been left alone (even if the kids weren't there)?

BUT I cannot come up with a reason that they didn't acknowledge your bridal shower or send a card for the wedding (if he was planning on coming, wouldn't he have bought a card? so he'd already have had it in his possession if it was a last minute decision not to come to the wedding b/c of her health, right?!).

And I remember reading your post when you shared their lame excuse, about not wanting to take the kids out of school. I definitely at that ... and I would be pisssssed to find out that they've taken the kids out of school twice since your wedding for other people's weddings.

I think that your CIL is just crazy and selfish and rude. And controlling, to top it off. Don't let it get you down ... try to have a relationship with your cousin separately (if you want one), and EFF his wife, you don't need people like her in your life!!!!

sounds like your cousin is a bit nutty... I wouldn't let it get to you too much. Yes, I would definitely be more than annoyed (we had a very similar situation with DH's cousin), but I think if I were to ever come in contact with them, I might just say 'well, you couldn't be bothered before, so what would make this any different?' I know that's a bit snarky, but I'd be done with that kind of nonsense pretty quickly.

yeah, I'm REALLY trying to come up with other conclusions that the one you gave, but frankly, I can't.

Of course it is understandable if a person has a bad back they can't be left alone with 3 kids... I was peeved that before that incident, she decided it wasn't important enough to take the kids from school to attend my wedding... especially since they're here at least a couple times a year....

OK, there's ONE other thing I didn't mention earlier... and I pray it doesn't have anything to do with the situation. Both CIL and I are scientists. I'm trained as a biochemist (a reasonable amount of jobs and grants). She chose a more challenging discipline (one where jobs and grants are very hard to come by). She gave up science a couple years after getting her doctorate becuase she couldn't find full-time work. It wasn't her fault... it was more the field she chose. She is now a SAHM. (She gets very stressed being with her 3 kids alone all day.... and I think she misses the intellectual stimulation of science.)

I sometimes suspect she is envious of my career. She may have rationalized it in the past as I chose my career and she chose to have a family..... but THEN, with me getting married and getting pregnant, I will be starting a family of my own.

This is the only thing I can come up with as a reason for the sudden demise of my relationship with my cousin's family. It all started with my bridal shower invitation. I don't recall any other event that may have strained relations.....