Uhhhh...

I'm in total shock right now...just found out that a friend of mine, someone I used to be really really close with is pregnant.

I found out because I got an invitation to her baby shower in the mail.

Really??? What kind of a friendship do we have if I have to find out that she's pregnant through what is, essentially a request for a present (she lives in Rochester, there's no way I could ever go up for the shower).

She just got engaged a little while ago so when she asked for my address I assumed that it was for the save the date or something like that...

There's more to it than this...she kept saying she missed me but she was down here every other weekend (her fiances lives in Brooklyn) and never called to hang out or anything...then she came to our wedding but left like an hour and a half early to 'catch a flight'...but seriously? She knew about the wedding for over a year and she's down here all the time...she could have taken a later flight or flown home the next morning...for all she 'missed' me.

I don't know what I'm looking for...I don't even know what to think. I think I just wanted to write it out...obviously I have to send her a present, yeah? I can't even remember the last time we talked, let alone hung out.

ETA: Just looked at her registries...apparently she is due February 25th??? So she's more than 5 months and I'm just finding out??

I would send something small - like a frame or something. It's a big pet peeve of mine when people invite other people just for a gift.

But you want to make sure you always do the right thing - so that's why I would go with something small, you know?

i think it really depends how you feel about her ...

i know you're supposed to send a gift ... but if you don't feel like you're close anymore (obviously you didn't even know she was preggo till now) then i prob would not send a gift. she'll deal.

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Posted by summerbride20

I'd still send a gift. Did she bring one to the wedding?

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Yes...she was invited with her fiance and they gave us $150 which I thought was a little low...I know she flew down for the wedding, but honestly she was flying down all the time to see her fiance so she probably would have been in town anyway.

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Posted by summerbride20

I'd still send a gift. Did she bring one to the wedding?

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ITA. Since she did come to your wedding and all. But that's annoying and I wouldn't even think of going to the shower.

So she was preggers when she came to your wedding??? and didnt say anything? Thats strange.

I would just send the gift- and not stress about it

I would send something small and then after the baby is born maybe ask her why she never said anything. I think you're (and I would be) just hurt she didn't bring it up when she found out (or at the 3 month mark or whatever it becomes appropriate to tell people).

I'm sorry Ilana, that is a crappy way to find out someone who you considered a close friend was pregnant.