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Posted by ant n tilde
I think my biggest issue is that first everyone was like 'OMG living with your parents will be so hard' and now its like 'wow you dont have any idea how hard it will be when you move out' LOL just pick one part of my life that you think will be horrible and stick to it already so i can keep track.

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and THIS is where the problem lies and why people should keep class-less opinions(like ur co-workers lol) to themselves. the bottom line is, everyone's marraige is different, everyone's situation is different, everyone deals with things differently..etc. etc. etc...therefore - U CAN'T JUDGE SOMEBODY'S SITUATION. some people have issues the 1st year, some people go 10years and then have issues later on..some people live with their parents for years and are miserable, some wouldn't have it any other way, and there are some who lie in a balance right in the middle.. whatever the case may be, u'll learn it as u go..that's what people don't get..they think just because their situation turned out a certain way that their speaking from 'experience'..only no two circumstances are the same..whatever happened to people just saying 'u live & u learn'..

I agree with your confusion, its like in one breath they are saying one thing and the next they are saying the opposite
Its like



My experience, DH and i lived on our own about 9 months after we started dating, He also bought a house before we were engaged and we lived there as well...when our house was no longer livable due to construction we moved in with DH's parents. At first i liked it, it was great, meals were free, they let my dog out for me. and then problems started, it was so hard living in someone elses house with their rules and the way they did things was very opposite of how me and DH did things.

But things changed so much, thankfully our relationship was not damaged by our stay there.( and by that i mean my relationship with my inlaws) I felt like i had no privacy, i was always under scrutiny, again they are not my parents so it was even harder for me.
It wasnt a free ride for us either, we were still paying our bills, mortgage, electric, gas, taxes plus the thousands for construction. It did save us renting an apartment though.

everyone is so different that i dont think its fair to say you have no problems if youre living with parents, period. please! that usually creates problems, bc you dont have your own place, privacy, personalities butting heads, etc. so if youre not, thats good to hear.

you guys have to do what works for you, if that means staying there right now, don't listen to others who chime in like that about it...bc they don't know. maybe for them there are more 'tough times' or arguments. and um WHY is it a bad thing or abnormal if youre not?! what a blessing.

different stages in life bring new issues but you wont know until youre there and once youre there (for you guys when you move out, for ex), you'll deal with it as it comes! just enjoy the ride. no one can say oh, thats when then the real problems will come. surely it will bring change, but sounds like ppl are making it sound like watch out!! its gonna be bad or something. like a PP said, I feel living on your own together brings as many blessings as it does things you MAY have to just adjust to.

and its not like youre living there and having your parents do every little thing for you, thats a different story! jmo.

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

everyone is so different that i dont think its fair to say you have no problems if youre living with parents, period. please! that usually creates problems, bc you dont have your own place, privacy, personalities butting heads, etc. so if youre not, thats good to hear.

you guys have to do what works for you, if that means staying there right now, don't listen to others who chime in like that about it...bc they don't know. maybe for them there are more 'tough times' or arguments. and um WHY is it a bad thing or abnormal if youre not?! what a blessing.

different stages in life bring new issues but you wont know until youre there and once youre there (for you guys when you move out, for ex), you'll deal with it as it comes! just enjoy the ride. no one can say oh, thats when then the real problems will come. surely it will bring change, but sounds like ppl are making it sound like watch out!! its gonna be bad or something. like a PP said, I feel living on your own together brings as many blessings as it does things you MAY have to just adjust to.

and its not like youre living there and having your parents do every little thing for you, thats a different story! jmo.

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couldn't have said it better myself!

Thanks everyone for responding and let me talk this out! I knew you guys would make me feel better!

im crashing tilde, but i just wanted to say that FH and I an apartment for 1.5 years and things were great - then my FILS asked if we wanted to move into their basement apartment when my FH's sister and her husband moved out - at first i didnt want to go because i was afraid of what it would be like living downstairs from my FILS - i felt like it would be taking a step backwards since we were already living on our own and doing fine - we decided to move in FILS apartment so now we are living downstairs from them - for about 1.5 years now - not much has changed from living in this apartment vs. our old apartment which was about 10 minutes away - the only notable difference is that we can go upstairs to use the washing machine instead of driving our clothes over (which is what we used to do before) but we dont 'mooch' off of them....i can relate with what you said about it being a win/win situation for you and your parents because you are helping them out too - in our situation it helps my FILS b/c they dont have to worry about having a crazy tenant because they have family occupying their apartment - but we still pay them rent, we still pay all the bills, we still pay for all of our own things, we buy our own groceries, cook our own food, etc. - and we have helped them out in the past when it comes to finances as well....for us, we dont have to worry about having a crazy landlord, or our rent being raised every year (and i will say that our rent is a little less than what it used to be but not by much)....im not sure of your situation but i dont notice any differences living downstairs from my FILS (thank god!)....i guess there could be some conveinent things once in awhile, like if i need an egg or something but other than that we keep things pretty seperate - we eat meals with them as often as we did before - not even once a week - so i dont think we are living on easy street just because we live downstairs from them - if we lived rent free, didnt pay the utilities, and we ate their food and they watched our dog then yes that would make things easier but its not like that for us - we just are paying them rent instead of paying a stranger.....i must say that my FILS are not intruding, they keep to themselves, they dont bother us, they are a pleasure - keep in mind they had practice when his sister and her husband lived there before us living with your FILS or parents does have advantages i guess, like i said with the laundry, or if i need something like an egg i dont have to run to the store, but i wouldnt consider those things to be life changing in that my relationship with my FH would be different or harder if we didnt live there - because to us, its the same as it used to be before we moved downstairs.....on the other hand, my parents used to live in a two family home with my grandparents and for them it caused a strain and it was hard (i was little when we lived there) - so every situation is different, im just saying that ours is the same as it used to be in our other apartment and not everyone who rents from family is getting a break, or living on easy street - and it doesnt always cause stress or drama either....it all depends on the people involved.....dont let it get to you, people are ignorant, and people like to assume that you are getting tons of financial help from your parents and they probably think that your mom is your personal servant now but you cant let it bug you even though its frustrating - but just wanted to tell you that i totally can relate!

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Posted by Future Mulligan

im crashing tilde, but i just wanted to say that FH and I an apartment for 1.5 years and things were great - then my FILS asked if we wanted to move into their basement apartment when my FH's sister and her husband moved out - at first i didnt want to go because i was afraid of what it would be like living downstairs from my FILS - i felt like it would be taking a step backwards since we were already living on our own and doing fine - we decided to move in FILS apartment so now we are living downstairs from them - for about 1.5 years now - not much has changed from living in this apartment vs. our old apartment which was about 10 minutes away - the only notable difference is that we can go upstairs to use the washing machine instead of driving our clothes over (which is what we used to do before) but we dont 'mooch' off of them....i can relate with what you said about it being a win/win situation for you and your parents because you are helping them out too - in our situation it helps my FILS b/c they dont have to worry about having a crazy tenant because they have family occupying their apartment - but we still pay them rent, we still pay all the bills, we still pay for all of our own things, we buy our own groceries, cook our own food, etc. - and we have helped them out in the past when it comes to finances as well....for us, we dont have to worry about having a crazy landlord, or our rent being raised every year (and i will say that our rent is a little less than what it used to be but not by much)....im not sure of your situation but i dont notice any differences living downstairs from my FILS (thank god!)....i guess there could be some conveinent things once in awhile, like if i need an egg or something but other than that we keep things pretty seperate - we eat meals with them as often as we did before - not even once a week - so i dont think we are living on easy street just because we live downstairs from them - if we lived rent free, didnt pay the utilities, and we ate their food and they watched our dog then yes that would make things easier but its not like that for us - we just are paying them rent instead of paying a stranger.....i must say that my FILS are not intruding, they keep to themselves, they dont bother us, they are a pleasure - keep in mind they had practice when his sister and her husband lived there before us living with your FILS or parents does have advantages i guess, like i said with the laundry, or if i need something like an egg i dont have to run to the store, but i wouldnt consider those things to be life changing in that my relationship with my FH would be different or harder if we didnt live there - because to us, its the same as it used to be before we moved downstairs.....on the other hand, my parents used to live in a two family home with my grandparents and for them it caused a strain and it was hard (i was little when we lived there) - so every situation is different, im just saying that ours is the same as it used to be in our other apartment and not everyone who rents from family is getting a break, or living on easy street - and it doesnt always cause stress or drama either....it all depends on the people involved.....dont let it get to you, people are ignorant, and people like to assume that you are getting tons of financial help from your parents and they probably think that your mom is your personal servant now but you cant let it bug you even though its frustrating - but just wanted to tell you that i totally can relate!

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Thanks so much for writing all of this - yes it sounds kind of similar. Actually a guideline that I follow is I try to do the same that my brother and sister do and they don't live with my parents. So like if my mom goes to BJ's she will pick up my razors for me, but she also does that for my sister. My brother and sister eat over once a week so I go downstairs and eat with all of them once a week and I cook for the rest of the week. My brother and sister come over to do laundry but they buy the detergent, I do the same.

But anyway, I have to start just focusing on what makes me and DH happy and not worry about what other people think of our situation. It's hard but it is something that I am working on.